So now almost single status myself and my divorce almost final. ( have been seperated for a year) I am dating a man who as well has been seperated for a long time too ( about a year as well). He and his ex have talked about getting the ball rolling for offical divorce yet are not very active in doing so due to finaces. My question is even though it is over with in you heart and eyes and only a paper issue would it bother you as a woman to be single dating a man who says he will eventually get around to it when the funds are availbe? And for you men is it ok with you if you were in this possition knowing your girlfriend was bothered by it and he knows you are? They will not ever get back together neither will my ex and I but we both have good relationships due to children involved. Am I wrong to think of this as odd? I dont want to get married again for a while and my BF and I have discussed the issue yet I would like to know we are by law "single" if that makes sense. Your advice ty.
2007-04-10 07:35:47 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
So I talked more w/ my BF and he and his ex are very much for getting the divorce rolling and are going to do it. They both are activly trying to save up the funds to do so to split it evenly and to make sure they have enough to do so. He is so over with her and they only talk in regards to the children. I know this is true as I am around when this happens, we are very honest with each other and that is a wonderful aspect of our relationship. Thank you for all your input, I was able to use what you all had said in some way or another to talk to him more about it and he knows how I feel and is considerate of my feelings, he loves me very much and I see that in all his actions not just his words.
2007-04-12 10:24:51 · update #1
been there done that with its ups and downs at the end of it all the times made it worth it
alright that been said
it all depends on the comfert level if you are okay with it then go for it ask your higher powers to give you a sure tell way for a green or red light in this legaly you will not be single till all the papers are done and filed their will be ups when you will queshtion knowing in your heart the answer to why he has yet to taken the step but it is only natural if you are going to take your claim do it
by you asking this it means you have an insecuraty find out what it is take a piece of paper ,pen(has to be a pen), and a mirror look at the mirror and write every word that come to mind emotions and everything then think of him and do the same then think of you and him together and write then if it did not work out and write if you do it in pen then you cannot erase what you wrote so you cannot cheat
then compare and blah
remember the heart wants what it wants but what it wants might not what you need
for me it was worth it all the happiness the anger and depresion i do wish we where both still together but then it was not what i needed then and it is what it is
2007-04-10 07:48:36 · answer #1 · answered by slayerofthedarkforest 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take your heart and RUN as fast as you can sister!!
Men who are "separated" or "almost" divorced are pretty much having their cake and eating it too. If you are seriously falling for this guy and spending a lot of time with him, there is no real rush for him to start proceedings and get a move on w/ the divorce. If I've heard the "finances" excuse once, I've heard it 1,000 times. He very well may be strapped right now, but that doesn't mean that it should keep your relationship in limbo.
Since you're almost final, find someone who is in the same situation as you. Let this guy drag his feet w/ someone else.
2007-04-10 07:47:17 · answer #2 · answered by YSIC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is not something I would "allow." He's still a married man as far as I'm concerned. I dated a guy for 4 months and then "found out" he was separated, not divorced. I left -- after asking when he was going to get the divorce and being told, "When I get the money." That's bull. You can file for $50. I have a friend who just finished her own divorce and it actually ended up costing $400 but that's because she hired a lawyer just to check her work. It's final, she has her divorce decree and everything. If he *wants* the divorce, he can afford it.
2007-04-10 07:41:21 · answer #3 · answered by kerridwen09 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're both still married in the eyes of the law. Your divorce is about final - get it done. Tell you BF that you would feel a lot better about your relationship if he were divorced....the argument that it cost too much is bogus and you know it - so does he. I was in the same position once and stalled around with the finality if the divorce when my gf finally let me know that it was time I get it done (it too had been about a year). Yes, it would bother me if I were in your position....
2007-04-10 07:43:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I started dating and so did my ex before we were offically divorced. However, as soon as we seperated I filed for divorce. It is not THAT expensive you can get a loan to cover the cost, charge it, pay in payments. If you really do not want to be married to someone it is so worth it. I would feel funny sleeping with some man who is married and not even legally seperated. But that's me. If he and his wife both want the divorce they can 1/2 the cost!
2007-04-10 07:41:58 · answer #5 · answered by texas mom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I only know what I have been through. I had a boyfriend that kept saying he was getting divorced for at least a year. He kept saying they couldn't agree on anything, etc. After a year a 1/2 I just went on my way and I swear I don't know if he and his wife ever did get divorced. I do know they didn't get back together, but I don't understand how it could take over a year to even agree to who got what so they could even FILE for divorce!
2007-04-10 07:39:47 · answer #6 · answered by bina64davis 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there are no children involved, he can be divorced in a matter of moments for a couple hundred dollars.
Divorce kits are available online, at book stores and office supply stores.
If they have a lot of property, a lawyer is needed only if they fighht about division of property.
My ex and I divorced 9 years ago for $300.00 and we had kids.
We just put everything in trust for the children and started over..
We are better friends now than during our 12 year marriage.
And he is probably playing you as well.
2007-04-10 07:45:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Both of you, legally and morally, are still married. And if you are married and have a bf or gf, your spouse can use this against you in your divorce when it comes time to custody issues and money. BEWARE!
Until the divorce is finalized, stay away from the dating scene. Do yourself a favor and take the time to heal and get yourself settled. And always remember the message it sends to your children! How do you think they feel knowing that Mommy is dating when she is still married to Daddy?
2007-04-10 07:40:22 · answer #8 · answered by kja63 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are both going into this relationship with enough bagagge to fill a 767. I got divorced and it cost me 120 for the sherriff and court costs. Un less he is a multi millionaire or she is unreasonable about visitaion, there is no reason to wait. Child support is a predetermined schedule according to his income so thats not an issue either. I cant think of a single reason for him not to go forward with the divorce, unless of course he is NOT ready for the finalization of it all. Time to ship or get off the pot bud.
2007-04-10 07:42:29 · answer #9 · answered by Papa Joe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't cost that much to get a divorce, if it's uncontested. My parents got a divorce and it only cost a couple hundreds bucks. They did all of the paper work themselves and paid all filing fees and everything was taken care of very quickly.
Since it's a "when I get around to it" situation, maybe an uncontested divorce is the way to go.
2007-04-10 07:44:13 · answer #10 · answered by Jim B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋