i've been dating this girl for 2 months now, and i've been the one to initiate everything. only once has she indicated that she's available to meet, and we had a great time. actually, we've had pretty good times on our 5 meetings so far. however, it feels one sided, and she said that she "doesn't want to jump into anything yet." we've been emailing and texting almost every day, but she never initiates a date. she's been very busy lately and when she's not she just likes to "veg out." i'm very inclined to give her an untimatum, saying not to contact me unless she wants to set up a date. am i being stupid or should i really do it?
2007-04-09 19:10:52 · 15 answers · asked by X 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Instead of forcing an awkward ultimatum, why not just become less available? You can still be friendly, but tell her you can't text or IM because you have a date. The key is to keep it super friendly but to let her make the moves. Don't say, "yeah, I wish it was a date with you"--let her say that, and then you can say, "me too, but I know you've been busy, so just let me know when you'd like to get together! Have a great night--gotta go!" If she does want to date you, she'll get the message that she needs to step up her game and that you're interested. If she doesn't, then you have your answer without having to do a whole drama thing.
2007-04-09 19:19:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not stupid at all. It can be a confusing thing, that dating game. Just ask her what she expects out of a relationship and what some of her ideas are for a healthy relationship. Ask her what roles a man and a woman should play in a relationship. Who knows maybe she is old school or has been in relationships where the man has called the shots. An ultimatum may be a bit harsh but just simply asking her what she expects out of the relationship you two are forming. Don't be afraid to speak up! And don't waste your time on someone who is too wishy washy to give you what you are giving. Great relationships are based on great communication! Good luck!
2007-04-09 19:24:18 · answer #2 · answered by Haircutgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are 107 females for every 100 males in the US (assuming you're in the US), so biology says you have the upper hand!!!
All jokes aside though, after five dates you should have a pretty good idea as to whether you WANT to see her or not. If you do, then next time you talk to her bring up how you don't have enough time together. Ultimatums are difficult because she might genuinely be busy so it might not be her fault completely, but yea just talk to her and tell that you want to spend more time with her or w/e. Of course if that's a pride issue then you can just throw caution to the wind and go with the ultimatum, but that's my 2 cents on that...
G'luck
2007-04-09 19:16:19 · answer #3 · answered by NArchy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, don't give her an ultimatum, give her the boot! You're wasting your time and energy on someone who doesn't seem to give a rat's *** about you. Girls who dig their boyfriends ask them to hang out, often. The times you hung out might have seemed great to you, but every person has a different viewpoint and different expectations so it might not have been the same for her.
On the other hand, she might just be enjoying the fact that you are pursuing her because it gives her a sense of power (deep, i know) You can decide whether or not she's worth it.
2007-04-09 19:20:56 · answer #4 · answered by LuvUrGirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you like her... give her time. It's only been 2 months. Talk to her if it bothers you. Giving her an ultimatum without sitting down and talking about it first is cold. If she doesn't want to jump into something yet than give her time. She could've been hurt in a previous relationship and it takes a long time to heal from those. Be patient. When it happens you'll be glad you waited and didn't rush her into anything.
2007-04-09 19:16:58 · answer #5 · answered by Monkeybunny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds very one-sided to me. It also isn't a good sign that you've only been on five dates in two months. It sounds that she isn't very interested, which makes giving an ultimatum a sure way of pushing her away. Try to become a challange for her. Don't initiate communication, but just respond. Don't respond quickly, but make her wait. Blow her off as well. If she isn't interested in you then, please move on.
2007-04-09 19:17:58 · answer #6 · answered by chris g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe its not that you want her to set up a date, maybe you're just wanting something from her you're not getting. Try to pinpoint what that is. If she just wants to veg on the couch then she may not be all that interested in you. I would hold off on the ultimatums. No one likes them.
2007-04-09 19:18:28 · answer #7 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think its one sided then wait to let her make some kind of move. Ultimatums tend to not work and you would have to be prepared for her to decide to not bother even calling you after that.
2007-04-09 19:17:27 · answer #8 · answered by Chris C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She wouldn't be communicating if she wasn't interested in you. She may want to become better acquainted with you. It is usually the guy who ask the girl out, although there is nothing wrong with her asking occasionally. If you are this petty, just drop her and maybe you both will be better off.
2007-04-09 19:18:55 · answer #9 · answered by Jan C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you would be nuts to give someone you have dated 5 times an ultimatum..I'd tell you to stick it. If you are unhappy, then quit calling her, etc.
2007-04-09 19:17:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋