I have been telling my kids.. "I love my family. I miss them. but the cross our family bounderies"... What else to say.. I dont' want them to choose or get in the middle of the mess.. I think that is simple and explantory enough for them. They are 7 and under. I have decided that I am done with my family. I am done trying to make these people resepect my bounderies. They are toxic. They give out guilt trips like 'your kids will do this to you' and 'don't I get one more chance'. They truth is. NO, no more chances. They get no more of my energy, they have taken enough from me and my kids already. And my kids won't do the same to me because I treat my kids with respect and I am protecting my kids from their mental and emotional abuse. So my question is.... what do I tell my kids so that they see that I did this because it was the right thing to do? And how do I believe in myself when they place guilt on me and try to control me to get me and my kids back?
2007-04-09 18:55:01 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The children are yours and it is your choice to not allow your family to not respect you. No one has to take mental and emotional abuse. And your children will accept your explanation for now. Hopefully, some day you will be able to resolve the conflict and have your family back in a normal way. Good luck.
2007-04-09 19:02:27 · answer #1 · answered by Jan C 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You tell your kids the truth! Explain to them about your concern and History of your family and they will understand. Don't belittle them by lieing to them. Be strictly honesty with them. They will have to learn about boundaries as well as they get older. This is the perfect lesson to begin them with.
Let your kids know the mental and emotional abuse you had dealt with and share with them that you don't won't it to be the way they were to you. The games and guilt of what they had done was wrong. It is also important to explain the truth to them now because your kids are going to get older and associate with your family! At least give them the true information now they need so they can handle your family.
They will understand when to step back, because were smart enough to alert them a head of time! Talk to your 7 year old now!
As for your family, give them what percentage of life that you can afford without affecting you and your kids. You decide when to associate with them and at what degree! I think you are a good parent.
God Bless
2007-04-09 19:23:59 · answer #2 · answered by tony 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I have spoken with others with this same issue. What I have personally experienced in my own love life, I told my guy that some of his family might not like the fact that we were back together, his response was " you are not in love with or in a relationship with my family" When I looked at it in his way, he was right we are the ones who have to deal with each other or live with each other, so I turned off that emotion and put all my focus on he and I, and guess what when they saw that I was no longer concerned with them, only with he and I, they slowly came around. Good Luck
2016-04-01 06:33:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your children should have access to your family wether you get along with them or not is really your own problem and your children should be made to be part of that problem, you are making them miss out on vital family relationships and seems very unfair. Just because you don't want to give them another chance doesn't mean your kids should be kept away from them, allow your children access and allow them to make up their own minds who is good in their life and who isn't. The thing with families is they always **** you off but they are always there when you need them no matter what. Don't drag your children into your fight, fight it on your own and allow the family to be a family wether you want to be in it or not.
2007-04-09 19:17:54 · answer #4 · answered by jimmy_chick78 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
first of all let me say i know exactly how you feel. my family sounds a whole lot like yours. your children and your family are your number one priority. end of story. if they cant except that then dont give in. as far as the guilt goes, i know that is hard because i experiece the same thing with my family but none the less my love for my daughter is greater than any guilt that i have. if these people are not good for you and or your family then you dont feel guilty you feel proud that you love you family so much and proud that you are a good mother.
good luck and if you need to talk to someone who understands then you feel free to email me.
2007-04-09 19:18:28 · answer #5 · answered by justme 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don't care what anyone says here - you did the right thing. I know that because I've checked out of my family too. They are toxic and exhausting so I removed myself from the drama. I moved 1200 miles away though. It's very effective! Only tell the kids if they ask, and if they ask, just say that ___ is busy or ___ is away this week. Just try to make it easy on them. You may want to consider moving. It's very .. whats the word I'm looking for... invigorating!
2007-04-09 19:00:14 · answer #6 · answered by Ade 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
well ok ...we all have ******up families..if u wanna talk about issues....ive seeeeennn it all!! But u have to understand every family will intefere...if you dont put the limits from the get go and tell them to mind their business they will continuously interfere..and this is how u have to deal with family..u have to put the boundaries to stop the issues casue moving away and staying in a different place is not gonna solve the problem! U have to set the limits yourself and they will knw not to trespass your boundaries anymore..as for the kids..wether u are in good terms with your family or not...as long as they are not abusive, or verbal and are good to your kids then u cant really keep your kids from them..after all blood can never turn to water! When u fall...no matter how much issues u have with family they will be there to carry you up!!!Family is family...u cant get another one...so work around it not away from it....
2007-04-10 01:08:53 · answer #7 · answered by Susan R 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Your children are the most important things in your life!! If you think being around your family could be harmful to your kids in any way then you should keep them away.
2007-04-09 19:58:01 · answer #8 · answered by MaryG 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Good job, you are staying away from negative behavior and your kids don't have to witness any bad vibrations.
Keep the distance as you stated. Maybe they will change. I think they may try to change when they see you are serious.
You don't really have to tell the kids anything at all, unless they ask a specific question. Don't worry, everything will be o.k.
2007-04-09 19:04:32 · answer #9 · answered by ♫ Melody 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
If you think your family cross the boundaries.. you have made the point. and raising your children are your life decision. If you think that your family are not right family best thing is to live your life without them???
But I have feeling and sensing from your sentences that: you have issues and unresolved manners in your mind and heart. if I were you I would not discuss any negative issues with your children. you make decisions. but please do not involve young minds to poison. if you have concerns stand up with discuss it .. tell them and write them or have other professionals to intervene to help you. if they did cross the boundaries.. tell them. at least you give them opportunity to explain.. it is give and take.. sometimes, we really think that we have best intentions but other side does not see you goodness of your heart and intentions.. then you can not erase the family and but you have to have class to work these issues. I know you can manage this and issues can be resolve in very respect full manner and issues can be ended and no more feud between you an your family. you can still put a distance them but at least you do not let your children to grown without grandma and grandpa, uncle or aunt or nieces, etc. you be strong.. i know you can make best decisions without feeling guilty.. good luck.. let me know. sincerely
2007-04-09 19:12:36 · answer #10 · answered by fidalgo 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋