I told him I did not think it was appropriate for him to be in my 19 yr old daughters bedroom. He said he just opened the door and stepped in to offer her a ride to work since she does not have a car and we live in a rural area. It was early in the AM and he was leaving to go to his own home after staying at my house overnite.
My daughter is a drama queen and extremely immature for her age. I didnt dream this up, a counselor told me she was manipulative and immature and to watch out for myself and others.
Anyways, I asked him not to go into her room anymore and he became angry and told me he would never come to my house again.
My daughter says he was standing in front of her staring at her, but she has told me this at least a dozen times about some boys and also accused her high school math teacher of fondling another student. He was asked to retire and my daughter was the only witness.
Its a very touchy subject. Did I do the right thing asking him to stay out of her room?
2007-04-09 18:37:27 · 22 answers · asked by happydawg 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I just think if he never goes into her room, there will never be a question or a reason for her to accuse him of anything. He is so angry at me and I think hurt. My daughter was caught about 3 yrs ago sexually acting out in front of him and I had to tell her stop. Suspicions by counselors are she was sexually molested as a young child.
2007-04-09 18:41:32 · update #1
He is 54 yrs old and has always had a great fatherly type relationship with my 2 kids.. I was told when she was 17, she had the maturity of about a 11 or 12 yr old. She looks about 12 or 13 and acts about that age. She does have serious issues. I cannot afford further counseling. You cannot make someone mature.
2007-04-09 18:48:02 · update #2
i think you did the right thing, but i also think you should explain to him why.
2007-04-09 18:41:34 · answer #1 · answered by Brian D 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he was going to give her a ride to work that's just as close as he could be to her in her room and possibly closer. People do get touchy and do just about anything in a car that they could do in a bedroom. Is he your friend or your "friend"??? That would make a difference I think. He should not be in her room and you were in the right but he also should not be transporting her around in a car without you either if you don't trust him and her together (or just her period)! It sounds like he didn't ask you beforehand about this.
She is 19 though, which is an adult and she'll continue to make her own decisions and suffer the consequences for bad ones. In your house, you should stand your ground and make the rules but making it a big issue may only make it a "button" that she will pick up on and push at her leisure to get a reaction out of you.
Maybe try to find support groups or mental health care options through a church where there's no cost involved. It does sound like she needs some counseling or help! As far as your friend is concerned you just need to be honest and explain that it's more her than him that's the issue and that you're just trying to avoid a potential problem because of her history.
2007-04-09 19:04:16 · answer #2 · answered by MommyTaylor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No not at all. Did he knock on the door first? Did he ask your permission to give her a lift? End of the day whats your friend so angry about if its all a missunderstanding???
An with the knowledge you already have you may have well avoided an even worse situation that could of possibly occured in the car.
Your friend still has no right whatever the circumstances to be anywhere near her room at any time, especially not early in the morning. You just don't do that, innocent or not. I'd be pretty mad if a friend of mine had the cheek to get angry with me about something like that.
I think you should have no qualms over that mate.
2007-04-09 18:45:45 · answer #3 · answered by Whatever. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1. Grow up and start acting like an adult who is role model for her child instead of acting like you are still in high school. 2. Go to a lawyer and at least get a legal separation before you start cheating and breaking your wedding vows because what you did was wrong whether you think so or not. You are not divorced. 3. Do NOT tell your daughter anything. This is adult information and it has no place in her ears. If you want to model slutty behavior then tell her what you did and she'll be doing the same thing you are because she won't see anything wrong with it. Do not involve your child!
2016-05-21 04:38:19 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter is 19 years old. If she chooes to have any type of sexual relationship with anyone, though not your idea for her, that's her choice because she's legally an adult whether or not she decides to behave like one.
You did the right thing asking your friend to stay away from her. I'm hoping this isn't a BOYfriend that was standing in front of her door. If so, you might have a lot more to talk to him about.
Try not to worry so much, let bygones be bygones and allow your daughter to make her own decisions....after all, that's the only way she's going to grow up.
2007-04-09 18:43:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He has no business opening your daughters door. He should have asked you to ask her. Your daughter is inmature and she could really cause him problems with her instability and inmaturity. She could claim he has touched her or harmed her. Surely he can see this would be a possiblity. It sounds like you need to get into some counseling with your daughter and make things right at home before venturing out to hook up with a guy. There is a reason your kid has problems. Generally apples do not fall too far from the tree. Plus the fact that you posted this shows you need help yourself. Good luck ... Please, go to your local church and get some family help. Remove the boyfriend for good for now.
2007-04-09 18:43:51 · answer #6 · answered by daffodil 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him what your intentions were when telling him to stay out of her room. If you truely thought it was innapropriate and you dont trust him then you did nothing wrong. However, if you dont trust her and care about your friend, and you were looking out for his best interests then you need to clarify that with him. Tell him what has happened in the past and explain that you should have been clear from the start. He may feel like you are "acusing" him of something, and from my knowledge, men that would never abuse or harm a child (even 19) resent the implacation. If that wasnt the case you need to let him know that!
2007-04-10 01:08:51 · answer #7 · answered by groundpounders'R'us 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you were right on multi levels.
Your daughter may not be mature enough to truly realize the damage of false accusations. If she is right, then...he doesn't belong in her room. If she is dramatic....he doesn't belong in her room! It will end up bad either way. If you know this guy to be a good man that can be trusted, just explain that you don't want him there because your daughter may interpret things incorrectly, and you don't want to be put in that situation. Tell him that you don't want to give ANY reason for your daughter to misread something.
If you DON'T know he can be trusted..He doesn't belong in your house, let alone your daughter's room. If you trust him, approach it the way stated earlier. He will understand, and it takes the "perverted stalker" feeling out of the situation. He will feel respected again and will feel happy to comply. It introduces more needed information that wasn't mentioned before.
PS Do you trust him? For your daughters safety, remember...these things, unfortunately, do happen.
2007-04-09 18:48:43 · answer #8 · answered by whatever 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Of course you told him the right thing. if your daughter is the way you and her counselor says she is then you were smart, very smart. your boyfriend is being ridiculous by being even remotely upset. he should never do that anyway, especially since he knows her history. you were protecting him he should be thankful not go to the exteme of "never coming back again" i mean really
good luck
2007-04-09 18:50:06 · answer #9 · answered by justme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think u take good decision, but u should explain him why u told like this. before that u convey to ur daughter because if she make wrong thing nothing u will be do. please maintain ur daughter, know she is matured girl any thing will be happen with him not only in bed room but also out side, so that give her to sex knowledge before mixing with boys,
2007-04-09 19:04:30 · answer #10 · answered by amit k 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
buy a digital camcorder and hide it if you allow him to return for one night again and hide the camcorder near her room and see what happens if he does try anything you got evidence on the boy and can have him thrown out and with the evidence get a restraining order on him too. sounds sad to spy on family like that but sometimes it is the only thing to do
2007-04-10 04:41:01 · answer #11 · answered by james_stailey@sbcglobal.net 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋