How do I cope with my mother's death?

Question

My mother died of colon cancer on March 14th, 2007, eleven days before my 20th birthday. A few days prior to that, I dropped all my classes at the University of Florida to help take care of her. I was determined to stay with her until she got better, and then she just died. The cancer just got so bad so fast. One day she was fine, dancing and talking to me like everything was okay. Within 1 week she was bedridden and was so weak she could barely speak or hold her own head up. She was an extraordinary woman, Christian, wife and mother of five that can't ever be replaced. No words can express my feeling of loneliness and hopelessness. I just need a little help with dealing with this. I am a Christian and she definitely was and I KNOW she is in heaven smiling down on me and looking over me. I just miss the physical aspect of her. I loved her so much. I feel so weird without talking to her everyday.
I know this is long but I just wanted to know if anyone knew any bible verses or anything

that could help me get through this difficult period. Thanks.

Thanks for all the answers you guys, I really appreciate it. there were a bunch of great answers so I couldn't pick just one. Knowing that other people went through similar situations and came out alright makes me feel a lot better. Thanks again and God bless :-)

Answer 1

Sorry for your loss. I lost my mom to cancer last year so I can relate on some levels to what you're going through. It's ok to grieve, so take your time processing all of the different things you're feeling. A good way to keep balance in your life is to keep yourself busy. Enroll in summer school classes, volunteer your time, spend time with friends, and most of all your family. There's no easy way through this...so just try and stay strong.

try mathew 5:4 or 2nd corinthians.

my favorite is luke 6:43.

it might seem random...but it helps me remember who my mom was, and how i should continue to do her good will and be the kind, honest and decent man she raised.

Answer 2

I had a similar experience with my Grandmother, she was an amazing woman, she always said things that would crack you up. She loved to cook and we loved to watch her.She would always tell us you need to learn how to do this I won't always be here. She always had a houseful she would invite to dinner on Sundays and was always was there when someone in the community had a loss with Chicken Dumplins or other comfort foods. Since she passed away there is nothing that could begin to take her place as with your mom. What we did was tried to remember all the good times in the kitchen, all the laughs we had, and we carry on her traditions of big dinners and helping people in the communtiy that are sick or in need. We realized we can never bring her back physically but she it there in our hearts each and every time the pots and pans start moving.And no one can ever take that from you. But one day we can go to see her. I'm sure she gets some real kicks out of watching us. But I know fot sure she's smiling down on us. So you need to focus on the happy memories, the laughs you had, the good old heart to heart talks you had, and pick a tradition your mom did, and try to keep it up. You are honoring her memories by doing this and your keeping you mind busy. Nothing will ever replace the hurt or the loss. But just try to think of the laughs and take it one day at a time. Its not gonna get better overnight, but just hang in there. You will make it and make her proud.

Answer 3

My heart goes out to you and your family. I am not sure that any bible verses or songs is going to help you deal with your lose. I too lost my mother 2 years ago this past February 28th, and I know exactly what you are feeling. You feel as if you have lost a mother, a sister, and a best friend all rolled into one, because you have. It does get easier to bear but the pain of her lose will be with you forever.

In July of the same year I lost my sister and that just about undid any healing that I had achieved. But I am getting to the point where I just remember the good times instead of the sad ones. Only time will heal you to the point of you not being so lonely all the time. But you will never to loose the urge to call or go see your mother.

I know I have not helped you in any way, because no matter what we say your pain will still be there, but one thing that I can tell you is that if you want to talk to your mom, write letters to her, she will be reading them over your shoulder, and believe me when I tell you after so many of them you will begin to feel better.

Answer 4

I am SO sorry for you and your family, and my heart goes out to you! This is one of the hardest things you will ever have to face in life.
Of course you miss her-- you always will.
My mother died 9 years ago and not a day goes by that I don't think of her and miss her. I simply cannot make the pain go away.
Please know that you are not alone, even though we are all strangers here together. Others care about you because they have been there too.
All I can say is that you take each hour and each day one at a time-- some days will be better than others- some will be difficult.
Please-- talk to family and friends-- they will be your rock and your comfort. God bless you.

Answer 5

I know how you feel I have not lost my mother but did lose 2 uncles and my 11yr old brother within 3 months. One was expected but the other 2 were sudden. I took my little brother's death the worse; why so soon? why him? I asked my self night after night. Being a christan I too know that absence in the flesh is presence in the lord. When you lose someone you love It seems as if there is no way you can try to carry on life as normal; like how can I be happy when my loved one cannot experience life anymore. Time is the only thing that will heal this wound. I learned the hard way. I tried to forget and think of other things, but at night when I lay down the memories the pain ran through my head. Think of her, know she is watching over you and she is no longer in pain. Her time her is gone and think of it as she is gone out of town and you will meet her there someday. Never think you will never see them again. One day you and her will walk hand in hand again. I was watching a funeral the other day and I heard a the pastor say, "on this side we are the sad crowd waving goodbye and crying; but in heaven Jesus and the angels are clapping and rejoicing to see there sister again, and God saying " Well done my daughter,Well done. " So smile she is happy, think of the good times with her not her last days. It is okay to cry, as I said only time will heal this wound. Sorry about your lost.

Answer 6

I am very sorry for your loss. I understand your pain having lost my Dad a few years ago. I can tell you eventually it will hurt less,and that tho you will still miss her you will be able to think more about the good things than how much you wish she were here.
That said, it is a good idea to have someone to talk to when you are feeling overwhelmed with grief. Especially for the first year. For some people it is easier to talk to a stranger than to a friend. If this is you, find a good christian grief councilor in your area. If it is easier for you to talk to someone you know go to your minister.
When a person fades quickly it also is harder on those they love because there is not a transition time to get used to the idea that the person you love is dying. That makes it doubly important you have a person to help you through who is not also going through this. God bless.

Answer 7

I am sorry to hear your mother died. Time softens the hurt but you will always remember her. You will remember the good and the bad. You will think of how you could have been better when you weren't. You will remember her suffering. You will learn to accept all of this and move on as she would have wanted. I am an atheist so I cannot help with much of the bible but it can be a good source of inspiration to those who believe in it and carrys alot of wisdom whether a person is christian or not. Time heals alot of things but it mostly softens the hurt. You should focus on the good times and try to not think of the bad. You will be fine.

Answer 8

Oh have I been there. My mother also died of colon cancer. I've found that for me the best way for me to cope with not having her around is to tell and hear stories about her with other people who knew her -- my sister, my dad, my grandma & grandpa, my aunt, my cousins, friends -- everyone misses her, but everyone smiles when they tell a fond story of her. She lives on in everyone's heart.

This Christina Rosetti poem was written in a sympathy card I recieved after my mom's death. I found it touching, and maybe it will help you.

Remember

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you planned:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

Answer 9

Grieving is normal after the death of a loved one, especially when it appears that you may have been in denial about the seriousness of her illness. There are five stages in grieving from denial, anger, depression, compromise and acceptance. Not everyone experiences all five of them or in any particular order, some in combination.

As a religious person, I strongly recommend you go talk to your minister or priest for an empathetic ear and spiritual guidance.

Just remember that "Death leaves a heartache no one can heal but Love leaves a memory no one can steal." There is an angel on your shoulder to guide you through this time or grief and loss. Talk to that angel who will guide your message to heaven.

Answer 10

Well, i forget Where it is, but in the bible SOMEWHERE i don't know my father told me.

I forgot the exact words so..

But my dad said in the bible it says, When People cry for others peoples deaths, blessings will come.

I heard it from my father so..

Yes, i am a born again christian to.

And, My Grand'ma Died when i was 7, it was i think 7 or 8 days after christmas.

It was... 2001 i think

But, Im over it though, i couldent stop thinking about her though for Rufly half a year...


sorry to hear she died, I know what its like..