I got invited to my cusins bridal shower, but not to her wedding. I think It was rude. The impression I'm getting is she just wants my gift but doesn't want me at the wedding. They claim it was bacause they were having a small wedding.
2007-04-09 17:11:25 · 30 answers · asked by pinkfurshop 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Traditional etiquette holds that you only invite people to the shower if you are inviting them to the wedding. There may be an exception if the couple is having a destination wedding, but even then I would think having a separate reception later would be in better taste.
I'm sorry it happened - but don't let it ruin your friendship with your cousin. It was 2 hours and $50 of your life, you got to wish her well on her wedding and hopefully you got a thank you card. **chalk it up to sometimes life isn't fair - and remember it when you have a shower (if you aren't already married) so you don't do the same to someone else. =)
2007-04-09 17:21:33 · answer #1 · answered by goodlittlegirl11 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Before you get upset you should really find out some more details. I don't want to get married in front of a lot of people because I think it's a very personal and intimate moment. For me, a large wedding would be the same as all those people watching me have sex. I realize that most people don't feel that way and think I'm weird, but I don't want to share the most emotionally intimate moment of my life with my extended family. It's possible that your cousin is as crazy as me. I'm planning on having a large reception right after I get married so my family will still feel included -- it's possible that your cousin's way of dealing with the issue is by inviting you to the shower. If I were you I'd ask your family/etc (without indicating that you're upset!) what the deal with the wedding is. Maybe you'll discover that she isn't being rude after all. It's even possible that she just didn't think it through and doesn't realize how inconsiderate she's being.
Really though, it's her wedding. Maybe she's being rude, maybe she can't afford ($$$) to have a lot of people at the wedding, or maybe she's weird like me. Whatever the reason, just realize that it's HER wedding. Although you may be offended, let her have her day. Be supportive, go to the shower, and pretend you aren't upset. Besides, what's the advantage of making a scene? She invites you out of guilt then always remembers the awkwardness of seeing you at the wedding?
2007-04-09 17:42:11 · answer #2 · answered by Eve 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Yes that is rude. What were her intentions? If anything it should be the other way around. it's okay to not be invited to the bridal shower but the wedding because it's the main thing. Even if they were having a small wedding that doesn't matter, was the bridal party bigger than the wedding? Also, this is YOUR COUSIN. She's FAMILY. You should be on her top list of invites! That was completely rude.
2007-04-09 17:21:36 · answer #3 · answered by d1sla0sg3rl 1 · 5⤊ 1⤋
I had this exact thing happen to me, only it was my cousin's bride-to-be shower. I was really really upset! I was inivited to his sister's shower, wedding, and I invited all of them to my shower and wedding, so it didn't seem right. My mother was invited to the shower on the same invitation as me, but when the wedding invitations came out, it was only addressed to my parents (I am over 21). My mother casually called his mother and told them that SHE hadn't received HER invite and was wondering if the wedding was still on (she said she had heard a rumor the reception place was "going under" which is kinda true). According to this woman, all invites had gone out, so it seems mine was lost in the mail. They promply emailed me another invite the following week. Perhaps it was lost, see if you can find out if it was the same situation as me. If they purposely didn't invite you, what I would have done if I had not been told I indeed was invited was not show up at the shower, and my parents decided they'd go but be cincey on the wedding gift.
2007-04-09 18:01:14 · answer #4 · answered by Lisa 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She may be having a small wedding and all - But the usual circumstance is to invite less people to the engagement and more to the wedding, but you should bring the issue up with anyone else and see if others didn't get invited. Changes in their circumstances might have occured. I know with my brothers wedding their funds were severly cut a few weeks before. Maybe their plans didn't work. Try and stay positive though.
2007-04-09 17:21:34 · answer #5 · answered by ~(Tinker) Belle~ 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think it's rediculous and her excuse is a poor one. I'm planning a small wedding and i've instructed my matron of honour not to invite anyone to the shower who isn't invited to the wedding. Considering a bridal shower is usually (i believe) a more intimate gathering than a wedding, i would think that anybody you don't want at the wedding shouldn't be invited to the shower. It's just common sense.
2007-04-09 17:39:30 · answer #6 · answered by katskradle 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I do think it's absolutely rude but however, if she was having a small wedding and that was not a lie then I guess I can understand. She probably invited you to the shower so you could still be a part of her experience but not to the wedding because she's limited to the people who are probably truly the closest to her. Don't harbor negative feelings towards her, just move on with your life. =)
2007-04-09 18:35:57 · answer #7 · answered by MichiganRocks 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
if you have not been married then you don't know it's hard it is... You try to invite everyone that you can but there will always be someone that will be mad like you are because you are only going to the bridal shower but you know what the point of a wedding and a bridal shower is to be there for your family and share in the joy of there new found love and if you can't do that for them why should you be invited to the wedding... Just understand that it is very hard to invite everyone and one day when you get married you will learn...
2007-04-09 17:20:54 · answer #8 · answered by evepineda02 2 · 0⤊ 4⤋
YEP...unless it's a weired situation like mine...first of all mine was surprise...so I had no control over who was invited. Secondly, My wedding was on a cuise ship and I had a limited amount of guest..BUT I did invite literally everyone I knew and got hold of to my Wedding Beach Party, which was held after we came off of the cruise.
If you didnt have a clue about the shower then I would say..you're not to blame. But if you are in control of it then try not to cause they might feel it's unfair.
2007-04-09 17:49:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
That is so RUDE. Oh, sure you are good enough to buy her a gift, but not good enough to see her get married. I wouldn't even go to the shower or get her a gift.
I am having a tiny wedding, so I elected not to have a shower at all...because it's rude!
2007-04-10 05:34:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋