How do I maintain a relationship or friendship with my boyfriend after I asked him to move out?

Question

We have been dating 5 years, living together 3 and a half years and a month ago I asked him to move out. We were having communication problems, I had issues with him 24/7 on call for work, how he didn't make enough effort to get to know my friends/family when I always hung out with his, and I was bothered by his constantly getting angry and blaming me for problems when I never did anything to warrant it. He's 7 years younger than me and this is the first adult relationship for the both of us.

I asked him to move out under bad circumstances - we were fighting and it came out. I see a balanced picture now but I still think its good for him to move out - it'll be his 1st time living with roommates, learn to handle problems on his own versus lashing out at me b/c I'm convenient.

I want to maintain a relationship or at least a friendship with him. I can understand he's still mad at me and frustrated, but a lot of ppl date w/o living together or we could be open to dating others too.

Basically after getting over the initial anger and saying I wanted to break up, I broached the idea of us just taking a break. I felt like I needed to get "back to me," that I had invested a lot in his interests/friends/family without getting his buy in on my side too. He's certainly made an effort to hang out more with me and my friends, not just his, but often times when I take him out to dinner with them he makes it obvious he doesn't want to be there. We left my office christmas party as soon as the DJ started and my office is filled with young ppl who party who are around his age, not at all conservative like my last job - he just hated it and sulked for much of the night, even tho he's friendly w/ a lot of my guys from work. He's a great guy in a lot of ways, he works hard and provides, but he keeps saying that all I want is more and more from him - is it too much to ask that he takes an interest in the stuff that's important to me when I do that for him?

Answer 1

you made 2 mistakes:

1) Living with him without a commitement or at least plans of a commitment

2) Kicking him out

If you are having problems, moving out is not going to solve anything. In this case, looks like you're breaking up. If it were you and me, I wouldn't accept "move out" as a solution to a communication problem.

Answer 2

You can't, he doesn't want to be your friend, and asking someone out isn't likely to change that fact. You might as well start look for your next, because this one is done. Even if you do manage to keep him around, he will just be using you for sex and pretending to be your friend.

You would think a woman of your age would know the facts of life by now.

Answer 3

i wouldnt know how to tell you to maintain a friendship with him if you asked him to move out on bad terms besides explaining to him that you still want to be his friend and see if that is possible, but i would wait till he cools down first because he might be a little sore about it

Answer 4

Move on to someone else. If the relationship is so great, it will be there when it's time to continue it.