My daughter is upset over her bf? He does not care.?

Question

My daughter goes to college. Well her semester is over April 20th. She has a bf that also goes to school with her. It was to my understanding we all 3 were going to get an apt together. Well he does not want an apt with us and says he will move back in with his mom. In which she does not appreciate him in any way. He comes over to my daughter's on campus apt (which he has one to) and spends the night with her. As she goes over to his also. Now he wants no apt with us, and says if he moves in with his mom, He can still like to come and go over to our place whenever he likes to. Now she is heartbroken cause he wants to break up with her if We decide to move back to Texas instead of living up here in Oklahoma. I think he is treating her unfairly. They have been together for almost 2 years and see each other everyday. My job is in Texas and that is why I have went through so much troubles to find a new job here and find us a place. She is deeply hurt over this. And he is very lazy about it

Answer 1

Sounds like he is trying to control your daughter and make her do what he wants her to do when he wants her to do it. That's not love. She should tell him to grow the f*ck up and stop acting like a d*ck. She should dump him now and realize he's a jerk. She should be with someone who treats her with respect and not have her choose between her family and her BF....She may love him..but how controlling is he gonna be when he slips a ring on her finger...? she's gonna be like his slave.

Answer 2

I know a little bit about the situation, so I will try to answer my best. It kinda sounds to me like he is a tad bit nervous. I think maybe he feels like it is rushing it a bit, and kind of aprehensive about you being there. He is in college, and you are a mom. If he "messes" up, he will feel like he cannot come around even if you aren't judgemental that is how guys feel sometimes. I don't know how well he knows you, but he will probably be seeking your approval unless he just wants to be a "free spirit" right now. Just enjoying being with your daughter, and spending time with her, without feeling like it is a "huge" committment. I think that you should all 3 sit down and tell each other how you are feeling even though it may be akward for a while. You know, explain things to him and the whole surrounding situation even if you have to tell him your situation in Texas right now. I think if yous all speak it will be for the better.

Answer 3

I don't think anyone should ever do anything that they don't want to do and obviously, he has changed his mind about the apt for three! It's not your business if his mother doesn't appreciate him, it's his mother!!! It's quite a big step for a couple to move in together, but to have your gf's mom too, that's a nightmare for sure!!! I personally don't believe you care about their relationship one little bit! I think you're a selfish, self-centered, unhappy control freak, that wants his third of the rent!!!! You are a grown woman and shouldn't be complaining about all your troubles!!!! Let those two live their own lives, without you all up in the mix! You shouldn't want your daughter to hurry up and get hitched so quick! Those kids have their whole lives ahead of them, so let them be! I certainly wouldn't want either of my son's moving in with a girlfriend and her meddling mother, that's a disaster just waiting to happen!!!!!! I'm proud of the guy for standing up for himself and you should be happy that he did, too!!!!

Answer 4

Sounds to me like he does not want the responsibility of sharing the apt with you and your daughter (financially or otherwise). He is not ready to settle down which he feels like he will be doing if he moves in with you. By living with his mom, he still has the freedom of coming and going as he pleases. He'll have his cake and can eat it too.

Answer 5

I'm sorry, but I don't see how he's treating you unfairly. He's a college KID, which is very different from a mature ADULT. He and your daughter are not engaged. He has no commitment to her or YOU ... and BTW, I cannot understand what you're even doing in the equation. I can see her being heartbroken over the romance, but you seem incensed about the apartment and that I just don't get.

Answer 6

You probably aren't going to want to hear this but some mothers and Mother-in-laws try to relive their own childhood through that of their children ,,,, You sound like one of these ,,,, Your daughter is in college ,,,, She's old enough to lead her own life ,,,, When I put myself in his place I wouldn't want to live with my girlfriend and her mother either ,,,,

I went through a similar situation with my X wife ,,,, Her mother house burned down and she moved in with us under the understanding that she would move out as soon as she secured other accommodations ,,,, Well she never even started looking ,,,, She was well satisfied where she was ,,,, She was an egotistical self centered nosy and interfering hag ,,,,

She never missed a chance to stick her nose in where it didn't belong and that's what she always did if she learned her daughter and I were in a disagreement ,,,, She never failed to put her two cents in ,,,, I over heard her advising my wife and coaxing her to do this that or the other where I was concerned ,,,, I approached my wife and her mom together and asked her mom when she was going to find somewhere else to live ,,,, They had informed me that they had desided that she was going to live with us permanently ,,,, I moved out and finally divorced her ,,,, Her mother and her meddling ways was the reason for our break up and divorce ,,,,

I never regretted doing what I did ,,,, After a year and a half in that situation I was tired of that old witch and her soft headed daughter ,,,, Her mother tried to intervene there too and I told I married her daughter only ,,,, Not here daughter and her too ,,,, That if she wanted her mother more than she wanted me then she was more than welcome ,,,, I gave my wife an ultimatum and she never replied so I left ,,,, They are still together and the daughter can't seem to get anyone to stay with her or be with her for very long either ,,,, No one wants to marry her and I'm sure it's because of mother ,,,, She doesn't seem to realize that her love life and or social life is not going to improve until her mother either dies or she puts her in her place where she belongs ,,,, Her mother has got her brained washed and snowed ,,,, She can't seem to think for herself ,,,, Her life is misserable and she doesn't know why ,,,, As for her mother ,,,, She couldn't be happier ,,,,

So I think you can understand why I'm behind your daughters boyfriend in this situation where you are concerned ,,,, Give your daughter a break ,,,, Let her branch out on her own and let her live her own life with out interferrance from you ,,,, Be there for her to advise but nothing more than just that and don't nag her about anything ,,,, I think the both of you will find that your daughters life will go allot smoother ,,,, But nothing is going to happen at all until you find your own place to live and turn your daugher loose ,,,, Yoda said this ,,,,

Answer 7

And you shouldnt care eitheir she is a big girl let her go through this alone maybe youre the reason they are fighting cause youre nosie stay out of it.

Answer 8

just tell her, if he wont move in with her and he broke up with her. that is just a tiny thing he is gripping about. and he is really not a good bf.

Answer 9

I am sad that she is hurt.

Maybe ya'll have to clarify who is feeling what exactly.

Then make a plan.

Answer 10

What the hell is wrong with you man....

Don't allow your daughter's boyfriend to live with you two !