Married Pastor wants to date me?

Question

I am so disgusted, disappointed, discouraged and whole bunch of other "D" words! What should I do to make him see his evil ways?

He has a page on myspace.com so I'm sure I'm not the first one.

WATCH THIS QUESTION FOR THE BIG CONFRONTATION!

THIS IS WHAT I SENT HIM TODAY. And here is his page on myspace. Tell him what you think of him. Maybe he will close his page.

http://www.myspace.com/pastortrevorl

Trevor, if you love God I want you to read all that I have to say!

Do you not fear God? Do you think you will not be held accountable? You were "chosen" to teach and educate us and here you are letting the Devil use you in the worst way. I HAVE LOST TOTAL FAITH IN THE CHURCH; AND IN MAN. These supposed men of God do not practice what they preach. Your congregation are poor sinners looking to you for guidance and direction and here you are on Myspace looking for sex on Easter Sunday!!!! I will NEVER EVER gain trust in the clergy ever again in my life................................. Thank you for opening my eyes wide! All churches are ruled by Satan. I fear the man that does not fear

Thank you all for your support!

Answer 1

Wow I'm sorry that happened to you. That's an abuse of his power as a pastor.

I'm a minister. Whenever a minister is engaging in extramarital affairs or other risky behavior/inappropriate and sinful behavior it is usually linked to something that needs to be dealt with in his life.

In my denomination the person who has been solicited or approached in this case you-has the right to confront him through the judicial system of the church.

I agree that it would be possible if he is this deceptive for you to be refuted because it is difficult for people to believe this about a pastor so maybe talking to the regional governing body representative (if you're methodist then a bishop, if Presbyterian like me then a Committee on Ministry chair, or any other higher up that is not linked to the congregation because they may not be able to be objective).

I agree that you should steer clear of him. Not that it matters-he's married and a pastor but were you in any one on one coversations that indicated interest on your part? If you have been make sure you are able to talk with people who know you have been present with him one on one and that he committed unwanted sexual advances.

You could let it go-but it might be that if you come forward with the charge that you help someone else who could fall prey to him would be spared-and also you may not be the only one who has been victimized by him-you may inspire others to talk as well. Either way the guy needs help-he needs to repent, ask your forgiveness, and that of his wife, the congregation, and of course God.

Again I hate that this has happened.

The best way for a pastor to not be in that place is to go to therapy and take good care of themselves.

Hope you are able to re-gain trust with clergy at some point in the future.

Peace,
dwight

Answer 2

Why would you lead him on, this is how women get bad name. You are like the dog with the bone but don;t want the bone and don;t want the other dog with it. Why would you do this, God don't like ugly you might loss all around because if you married the pastor and don't love him, you will live a miserable life and not only that God will wipe you my dear. More then likely the other guy don't want you and I don't feel sorry for you . I really hate the way your selfish *** took so much of this man time and wasted it when he could have been with some one who really cares for him. What you want sympathy no you won't get it from me. What you need to do is put your head in a d--- hole or go hide. While you were walking around thinking you was all that because he choose to date you, you knew you should have said no. too bad he didn't know he didn't have anything when he started dating you.

Answer 3

It's a sad thing when a supposedly spiritual leader falls to weakness.

I understand you're a lot of D's but this must be treated with tact because even if this Pastor is troublesome, one must think of how to handle telling it to the family or to his congregation. Even if he turns out to be a blatant adulterer, think of the those who will be deeply wounded by this truth.

I recommend taking the Matthew 18:15-18.
a) Confront him privately (with a trusted friend, of course, because if you talk to him alone, anything can happen) and encourage him to be accountable to an elder or a trusted leader in the church if he wants to get back on the right track. Yes, I know he may be past that but he needs fair treatment.
b) Get a few discreet others to talk it over with him to remind him of the seriousness of this matter and how it would destroy his family and church if not dealt with.
c) Only if after all the warnings he refuses to listen, bring the matter to leadership to have him ousted from pastorial duty because if he stays there, others will be damaged.

This is not as simple as it looks but with prayer and wisdom, this can be dealt with. If and when you reveal it to the family OR make it public knowledge, pray for those who will be hurt like you. And here's hoping you find a church that will really help you grow, whether it be this one through this trial or another.

Answer 4

I think you should stay away from him, and transfer to a different church, but then the reason I say that is that if I were in your shoes, I don't think he would have any credibility for me
as the leader of a spiritual group ever again. In the context of your life, you look to him as a spiritual teacher, and he should be an example to you of the sort of things you want your spiritual life to bring you to. I don't think I could listen to a minister's sermons knowing he was carrying on that way. ...he already knows what the "rules" are, according to how Christians view them, and not only wants to break them, he wants to lead you somewhere you don't want to go...what kind of a pastor is that? As to who you should tell, or when, I am at a loss there, you know the people around you, we don't...if your parents go to the same church, maybe you could try talking to them about it first....

Answer 5

If you want to do it the Christian way...PRAY FOR THE SINNER AND FOR PEACE ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO!
1. You should have all ready told him "No" it is a sin"
2. Go to a female friend that you can trust and will stand beside you.
3. Go (with your female friend) to the board of deacons or directors or what ever set up you have in your denomination and report it with a written complaint.(keep a copy and date and names of the persons on the board-and have the head of board sign for the letter.)
4. Find another place to worship.
Too many Pastors get away with things because people still for some (ridicules) reason think we are above reproach.

Answer 6

This is indeed disappointing.

First, not sure what your motives are in asking?

The 'high road' is for you to behave in a way that minimizes collateral damage to others in your church (assuming you attend same church as the pastor that is 'hitting' on you).

I would recommend that you (assuming you are a Christian) bath this matter in prayer...keep a close circle of confidentiality...approach the pastor with another church leader (elder / pastor) present...all behind closed doors. Any 'God-fearing' church leadership team will seek to right the wrong.

By all means however, avoid gossip, and bringing others into your circle of confidentiality that cannot help resolve this situation. To do otherwise only will bring unnecessary hurt/harm.

Again, a supreme over-arching consideration should be to work to right the wrong while minimizing defamation to the name of Jesus Christ. A supreme focus of Christians is to bring honor & glory to their Lord.

I'm so sorry that you are faced with this trying situation. I'll keep you in my prayers!

Ed

Answer 7

Sweetie, he knows his evil ways. Find a deacon in your church and tell them. According to the Bible, you and the deacons need to address this to him and his wife out of love. He is a believer and apparently needs guidance. He should apologize and work on his marriage.

I understand what you are feeling. It is disgusting. If he doesn't want to listen, go again with more leaders from the church. If he is still denying and arguing, the congregation needs to make arrangements for a new pastor. This can not be condoned.

If so, you need to make arrangements for a new church. Take care hon, and pray for this man. It will only do you good. :o)

Answer 8

I would go to the deacons, pastor's council or whatever governing board your church has in place and tell them exactly what is going on--and be ready to show proof. This man needs to be removed as pastor, not just from your church but from preaching at any other church. He is a wolf in sheep's clothing. Stay away from him. If your church board refuses to remove him, find another church.

Answer 9

I would tell him exactly what he did wrong and why it is wrong. Back it with scripture. If he does not see his ways as falling off the path of the Kingdom of God, he is not a true follower of Christ, stay away from him.

Also, tell him to confess to his wife and God, or else you will tell his wife. God already knows.

Answer 10

You can't do anything about him but tell his wife maybe. Again, she may condone his actions. I would just leave his church is you are attending it and find a new Church home. Personally, I would view this as an opportunity to explore other beliefs.