Critisism for disciplining my child in public???

Question

On warning my 8 year old for misbehaving in public he continued to swing on the clothes rails...until one came down...... he recieved a short smack to the back of his leg and (yet another) lecture (much to the disapprovement of other shoppers).... One woman in particular made some snotty remark 'disgraceful'.........Are u embarrassed to discipline your kids in public..or do the kids need it to embarrass them into behaving?..

Answer 1

You have to do what you feel is right for the situation and your child. If you feel that a short smack is sufficient along with a lecture, that is more appealing than a parent screaming abuse at a child and attracting attention from all directions. I think some people nowadays are quick to criticise those who actually do care about the standards of behaviour from their children.

I am just sorry that the advert on television where the parent in the supermarket throws herself to the floor and starts screaming wasn't shown when my children were younger!!!! That would have been a fabulous deterrent.

Answer 2

Unfortunately, I have experienced a similar situation. My child knows that I am uncomfortable disciplining him in public, so he will push my buttons and make a big scene because he knows I feel like I cannot discipline him in public. However, I asked a councelor who works for DCF. He said you are alowed to span your child as long as it does not leave a mark for more than a minute. So the next time my son decided to knock things down in the grocery store and throw a temper tamtrum, I smacked him on the botttom. It didn't leave a mark, but he knows now that he will behave no matter where we are. If someone disapproves, they are part of the problem in this country. There are times a parent can go to far, but we must discipline our kids or they will walk all over us and grow up thinking they can get away with anything. The fact that you feel bada bout disciplining your child to begin with shows that you are no child abuser. Time out works for some things but sometimes, the child has to get a spanking. I'm sorrry if some people don't approve but what will you do if your child starts running wild through the neighborhood and "time out" doesn't work. I have an 11 year old son and I've only had to spank him 3 times, and those were for serious offences, ie, breaking my neighbors windows. The problem is when someone lightly smacks their child on the bottom and someone decides to call DCF. Yet DCF leaves children with parents who repeatedly abuse their children, after repeated complaints, then the child(ren) end up dead. Sometimes you have to follow your instincts. My parents spanked me and I'm glad they did. They only did it when I really deserved it.

Answer 3

I wonder if the "disgraceful" was about your child's behaviour?
I know how you feel - when my daughter was younger (and even now sometimes) she would throw major tantrums and behave appallingly. Other times she was an angel and fortunately aways impeccably behaved when at school etc. Just be relieved that your child feels secure enough to misbehave with you. i know that sounds weird but if he was not secure and felt able to push your boundaries (if you were always bashing him or hurting/abusing him) chances are he would be withdrawn and sad.
So long as you do not go too far I think you have to discipline in public, if you don't do it when the bad behaviour occurs then its too late. Watch the smacks though as you could end up being reported and getting into trouble, however from your description what you did was not over the top.
You son may of course have been bored out shopping - I know it is hard when you have to take them to the "boring" shops but maybe try to avoid the bad behaviour with some child centred interludes for good behaviour. Rewarding the good is often more effective, however it is easy to say and not so easy to do - good luck and just think soon you will be laughing about this incident.

Answer 4

You raise a very good point and one that I feel very strongly about. Obviously nobody wants to witness a child being mindlessly beaten and most people would feel compelled to intervene if this was the case but a smack is a smack - what my Dad used to call 'a short, sharp shock' and it worked everytime. You did absolutely nothing wrong and, if it ever happens again, hold your head high and completely ignore the comments of the nosey 'do-gooders' around you. You weren't willing to let your child continue embarrassing you so why feel embarrassed by any comment made by the type of person that would make one.
It is the most ridiculous situation for parents to be put in, to not be able to discipline their own child(ren). Whoever is responsible for banning smacking should be dragged into the street and shot!!! No good has ever or will ever come of it. Children are aware now that their teachers can no longer physically touch them without risking being hauled into court on an abuse charge. The local bobby can no longer give you a 'clip round the ear' and worse still, your own parents cannot smack you without dire consequences. What does this say to our children? "We can do EXACTLY as we please, behave however we want and without consequence". It is the reason that our streets are full of gangs of teenagers that terrorise local residents, cause damage to property and basically make everyday life hell for everyday folk. Obviously not all teenagers or youths, in fact, figures be known it is a small minority but still enough for us to be losing control. It is the reason that we now have ASBOs and the main question everybody should be asking is - HAS IT REDUCED THE NUMBER OF CHILD ABUSE CASES? - the answer is, of course, NO. Because people that smack their children in order to teach them right from wrong are not child abusers and are not abusing their children.
Personally, I think the issue should have been put to a national vote so that us parents could have our say.
I smacked my children, when it was absolutely necessary, and they are now two beautiful, kind, intelligent, well-adjusted, balanced young ladies that know the difference between right and wrong, know how to behave in every situation both inside and outside of our home and that I am extremely proud of.
Trust me, your eight year old will get there! Take care x

Answer 5

I don't criticise smacking as a last resort and if you are the UK then yes you might need to be aware that some folk may try to report you for child abuse. The law currently states that smacking is allowed as long as it does not mark or bruise, then it is considered abuse. I'm not saying whether the law is right, but that is what it is.
As an alternative though. Your child is 8 and starting to become a little more socially aware. As you said you are feeling embarassed by having to discipline him in public. No doubt in 10 years time this will be child abuse but...
Have you considered embarassing him? Rather than spanking him straight away say you'll pull his pants down in front of everyone and spank him. Maybe you'll have to do it once, but I reckon the embarassment factor might make him think twice if you threaten it again. Cruel maybe but made me the man I am.
Didn't do me any harm, cos I did as I was told when that threat came out lol! And hopefully it will get your little boy to obey you too.
As for other people sneering. You know best I've no doubt.
Good luck.

Answer 6

There is nothing more disagreeable than a child of whatever age (and I do except little ones under fouryears of age because they as yet have not had the time needed to instil behaviour patterns) creating havoc in a public place.At 8 years old this child carrying on as it did does not seem to have been taught behaviour rules and probably used the out of the house placement to go for it..so one has to wonder if it is allowed to get away with things of that nature at home with just an occasional "don't do that" and that the spectacle of a clothes rail falling down led the mother to admister a slap for her own face saving. . My answer is that at 8 years of age the child should have already been taught how to behave. Child discipline begins in the home and even in the case of very small children two three and possibly four the tedium of dragging round a shop with a mother will naturally result im crying screaming out of sheer tiredness and boredom. In such cases the answer is not a slap but a recogntion that such a small child has had enough and time to take the poor mite outside and then home. This is not easy I know but yes I would be embarrassed if I had to resort to physical discipline with an 8 year old child 8 years old? I must have lost it somewhere if I did. My voice and manner would have to be enough with a properly taught 8 year old. However the interfering busy bodies should keep out of it. As for the staff looking out for harrassed mothers giving a sharp tap to a naughty child..is this a plot to remove all children from shops?

Answer 7

Having been in this position myself, I look upon a smack as a last resort.

The important thing to remember is that everything needs to be done in context and never in anger. If you discipline a child whilst you are angry, then it is bullying and wrong.

A chastisement needs to be carried out there and then. Later is no good as the child will have usually forgotten what they have done.

A smack is one short strike of the hand onto either the buttocks, or the back of the thigh. No-where else is acceptable. These two areas have the most muscle.

Multiple striking is abuse. The same with using an implement, i.e. slipper, cane, ruler. This can be described as beating the child which should not be allowed.

You do not want to alienate the child from you.

One of the comments was that she pre-warned her child before going out and the using of a squeeze of the hand. The idea is to make it uncomfortable for the child - and to act as a distraction.

If your child throws a paddy in a supermarket, the thing to do is walk away. They are trying to make you embarrassed. I quite often do this, and with no audience they just get up and continue what they were doing before their tantrum.

Answer 8

I think you did the right thing. People are always going on about how bairns don't get the discipline they need and yet are squeamish about a pat on the bottom or a light slap across the back of the legs.

At least you didn't clip him across the head which is what some do. The odd smack didn't hurt me but I firmly believe that its only the parents who can administer such a punishment.

I don't have children so my top punishment is "Let's see what Mam has to say about that, shall we?" The change in the child had to be seen to be believed and not only when they were children. My sister's two boys came to stay when they were teenagers. The rule was that when they came I did no washing up and they took it in turns. This was the first time any of them had come without parents in tow.

When they arrived, Daniel announced that he had hurt his arm on the way up and couldn't do any washing up ("Ah, you poor thing."); Mark thought it was unfair that he would have to wash up if Daniel didn't ("Too true. You both just sit there and I'll get you anything you want, you won't have to lift a finger!")

The remarks in brackets were my actual remarks. These boys were too embroiled in their own 'cleverness' to hear the alarm bells that should have been deafening them.

I kept up the act all afternoon and evening and later that night, my sister phoned to wish us good night. My first comment to her was "Oh, I'm sorry that Daniel's hurt his arm (ears flicked to standby) and that it means he can't do any washing up while he's here (heading snapping round so quickly it's a wonder they didn't come off). Of course, Mark's right that it would be unfair for him to do any too ..... (hold phone at arm's length whilst laughing at the hands waving frantically and the silent "no, no, no, nooooooos" that headed my way while we waited for the inevitable ....) "Whhhaaaaaat!!!!! Put .... them ...... on!" They did washing up and got what for when they got home. They also literally got revallie (I have a bugle) every morning for their trouble.

Of course, that is a modified .... mature version of the punishment. I never needed to shout, I've never sworn at anyone, certainly not the bairns. they've known since toddlerhood that if I promise or threaten anything, they will get it as tears and tantrums don't work. I couldn't care less if I was outside, inside or on the moon. If they were with me then I disciplined as I thought best and other people should keep their noses out or they would catch my very polite acid tongue.

Keep giving your child loving discipline and he will thank you for it in twenty years time.

Answer 9

I have disciplined my children in public but not with a smack of any type instead I use my head, my logic and common sense.
Depending on how old I did warn them in public about their behaviour and it's consequencies.
In the case of any child it is not good enough to just tell them off you have to reinforce the issue like with your son
"Don't swing on the clothes rail because if you do it will fall over and you may hurt yourself or someone else"
Once a child not only knows it is wrong but WHY it is wrong and the outcome if they dont stop they will stop doing it.
I would never ever make any comment to any parent as everyone is a different parent and so therefore has different views of parenting and its punishment.
I firmly believe that if the approach of treating them more grown up and telling then WHY they can't do or say whatever they learn more effective and are not likely to do or say it again.
It is just my own opinion and as I said everyone is different

Answer 10

People who give snotty remarks like that either have no kids themselves, or were made to be seen and not heard.

I have a young child myself, and she's had a tap on the back of the legs and it's done nothing wrong with her. THe context of smaking is that if you leave a permanent mark or a raised mark the thought police (social servies) could have a word or two, alhtough in that circustances that happened my little one would have. Alhtough she's gone out of that phase, and it's punishments of she chooses a cake, and a comic before we start shopping at the local store, and if she has to be warned more then 3 times one goes back and then the other if she misbehaves again after that. since that we have had to smack her less. As well any kid will act bad if they are bored, again another example that when she isnt going to nursery, she gets bored and misbehaves, where as if she's there all day she's normally too tired to misbehave and is very responsive to anything that you ask of her

hope this helps

Mark

P.S.

IN this world of PC whats wrong with a little old fashioned disclipline, it never did us adults no wrong, infact these days with discipline going down the drain no wonder most kids act like they do

Answer 11

I've smacked my child in public once - he is three - and I got a disaproving look from a righteous lady.

We were in the tube and he had been running towards the track. I stopped him, he then kicked his mum. For that he got a smack, because the way he was behaving was downright wrong.

I began to believe in the smack when I understood that he could run into the road if he didn't understand that he had to do as he was told. Given the choice between my boy being run over and him being smacked - I take the latter.

Generally, discipline wise, I like to think that we are relaxed, but you have to have limits - we use reason, we use the 'naughty corner', and if we have to (rarely) we will smack.

The most important thing is that we are consistent and he knows where he stands. We give a couple of warnings and let him know what punishment he will face if he is naughty.

And at the end of the day, he is three, and we let lots of things go, because he is just being a child, but also, a lot of our friends and family say he good, and most important they say he is happy and contented.

If your child is happy, then how does this woman's behaviour impact on you? You'll never see her again - you have to live with what happens to you child. Forget her, and concentrate on your little one - you've done nothing wrong.