How do I tell my Christian parents that I've left the faith?

Question

Both my parents are Christians (1 is borderline fundie). I was raised from birth to believe in the Bible, but now that I'm alone in college and have had time to research myself, I'm convinced that the Bible is basically nothing more than an epic poem (amazing how Biblical archaeology started out as an attempt to prove the Bible, but seems to be doing the opposite). I now consider myself an agnostic. I don't know how to break this to my parents. Any advice?

Now, to be fair, I have taken on an interest on learning about who the real Jesus was, since I want to understand how this person was able to capture the hearts and minds of humanity for 2 millenia (and it appears that the real Jesus was nothing like that Biblical Jesus, other than the fact that he was baptized and crucified).

The university itself had nothing to do with the loss of my beliefs. I did it on my own. Actually, I was in a Christian group and we had Bible study sessions, but when I read some of the passages, I began to wonder. I then did heavy outside research and it seems the evidence for the Bible is crumbling. I looked into both sides of the arguement, and was much more convinced by the side that doubts the Bible. I have read large portions of the Bible (first five books and four gospels in their entirety, along with major portions of the OT "history" books and most of the epistles), so nobody can accuse me of being ignorant.

In response to Jeancommunicates and how archaeology proves the bible, then why is it that there is no evidence for the Exodus? Why is it that the book of Deuteronomy appears to be written in a style dating to about 600 BC, rather than about 1400 BC, when the events supposdely took place? Why does the actual "appearance" of Jesus at the end of the book of Mark only get mention in versus that don't appear in the book of Mark in the earliest texts? Why is it that the prediction of Jesus riding into Jerusalem in the book of Isiah have him coming in on one animal while in Matthew, he comes in on two (perhaps the author of Matthew just copied the prophecy to make it look like Jesus was fulfilling it, even though he didn't)?

Also, can you show me the passages in the Bible that predict scientific discoveries. The same claim has been made about the Koran, but I was shown the passages and didn't see it at all. If true, scientists could just turn to the Bible for discoveries.

Answer 1

I feel for you. I was raised Christian and I got to a place where I no longer believed in the New Testament, and wanted to convert to Judaism. My parents never accepted this, ever. For 10 years, I believed in Judaism, and for 10 years, my life was a living hell. It was the worst experience ever. My parents both actually and literally almost died on account of it, it upset them that much. There was screaming, many tears, trembling, weeping, anger, depression, and it just went on and on and on like that. There would be times when things were better than others. But basically, for that whole 10 years, life was miserable.

Just before I converted to Judaism, I finally decided I needed to deal with some questions I had about Jewish beliefs. I started to study Biblical scholarship and other religions. To make a very long story short, I quit believing in Judaism (I'm now a Hindu). After all my study, I began to believe that all religions (including Christianity) held some measure of truth, and I started to respect my parents' religion much more than I ever had before. I do not, and will not ever, tell them that I'm Hindu. I can't take it again. I just can't go through that again, nor put them through it. So what they see is that I accept Christianity more than I ever did before, so they are happy. For the first time after all those years, there is peace in my home. I will never tell them my true beliefs, because it's just not worth it.

My parents are unique because I think most people who change their religions don't go through as much as I did. BUT, I do want to offer this very important advice to you. Respect their Christianity. That is crucial. At the time, I thought all the problems were because my parents didn't respect my Judaism. But looking back, I realize that I had no respect for their Christianity, and this caused as many problems as anything. You must respect them that this is the religion they chose for themselves. I advise against getting into polemical debates or arguments about religion with them. Just try to find that which you like about Christianity (maybe Jesus' teachings on love for example) and stress that. If I had not been so intolerant of my parent's beliefs, things would have gone better.

I mean, just imagine having children who grow up to totally look down on you for your agnosticism, and disrespect you in your own home on account of your religious beliefs. That would not be very nice!

Good luck to you!

EDIT:
Keep studying the historical Jesus and Biblical scholarship, if this interests you. I'm a religious studies major, and the more I learn about the historical Jesus, the more I actually appreciate him, and feel for him. Never think you know enough to make a final conclusive evaluation. Every day, I learn new things that make me look at Jesus and the Bible in new ways that I never thought possible before. I doubt if I'll ever believe in it literally again, but I do constantly develop a deeper appreciation for it, the more I study Biblical Criticism.

Answer 2

When I told my mom, she looked deeply disappointed. When I told my step-dad he looked disgusted. They are only casual Christians, I can't imagine what hardcore Christians would do. Maybe don't tell them? Like, is it necessary? Do you live in the bible-belt? If word gets around you might be known as "that one immoral kid down the street". I only told my mom because she wouldn't stop boring me with Jesus stories, and trying to take me to church. Google around for some kind of Atheist message board and post your question there, I'm sure you'd get some great responses. ALISON S's idea seems worth a try :) XY GTHO is kind of an asshat, isn't he? Good luck!

Answer 3

First, congratulations on thinking for yourself. I bet you're gonna do just fine in college, and later.

Second, it's not absolutely necessary for your parents to know your every thought, especially now that you're an adult. Many people in your position have gone through a period of "going through the motions" -- they say grace at family meals, attend church, help out at church functions or whatever they're accustomed to do, never letting on that their beliefs have changed. There's no shame in this: You're protecting yourself and your family.

But if you think that's dishonest, then try rehearsing it in your mind: Imagine telling them the truth, then wait for their reaction, then figure out what to say in response (and you'll probably have an idea of how long it will be before everybody is in tears).

Your rehearsals may convince you that you're not ready to make your views known, and that's fine. Or you may decide to go ahead with it no matter what the consequences.

Just don't kid yourself about the consequences -- they could be serious. Some parents have thrown a nonbelieving child out of the house, refused to speak to them, or even disowned them. Those who don't go that far are merely dismayed, shocked, angry, and so on and so forth.

Every family is different, so ultimately you must decide for yourself what's best to do. Whatever you decide, good luck.

Answer 4

Archeology proves the Bible more than any other science. The stones cry out. College has a way of beating Secular Humanism into people thriving on the Evolutionary Theory of a godless society. Your parents are smarter than most people. Listen to them. I'll match the Prophets of the Bible with any of your professors when it comes to confirmed predictions of the future or supernatural knowledge from God.
Long before your professors were born the Bible spoke of paths in the sea, circle of the earth, the great eyes of the eagle and the Jews returning to Israel on the wings of eagles.
Best way to describe an airplane that one only saw in a vision back in 590 B.C.

Your parents are smarter than your college professors - honor them. Ask Jesus to come into your heart and strengthen your faith. There is nothing wrong with asking God saying, "Lord I believe, but strengthen my unbelief." Everytime you see a science thinking that they have the upper hand on God, I promise you God will prove them wrong everytime and without fail.

Evolution is a dying dog. The fossils have not been found and they will not be found. Man continually thinks that he is smarter than God, but God will not be mocked by a mere man. The Bible says that God laughs at our wisdom. I've always thought evolution was funny myself.

Answer 5

The way I did it was to tell Mom that I don't want to go to church with the family as they were all preparing to go. She asked why. I said that I don't believe any of the things that the preacher yalks about.
Mom said with all the reading and studying that I do, she knows that I gave it a great deal of thought, if I'm not convinced then, I never will be, so there's no point in going.
I was about thirteen then, and have been one hundred percent non-believer ever since.

Answer 6

Faith is a wonderful thing. It can make you believe what you want. Let your parents believe that you are still faithful and then no harm shall be done.

If you are a true agnostic, then taking part in religious festivals should be no problem. Telling them may upset them and may sever financial support etc. Unless you think your parents are liberal enough to accept your new view, keep it from them for the best of your family.

Answer 7

You have youre Beliefs youre Parents have Theirs, You are Entitled to Stand up for what you Believe in just tell them . Otherwise you will be Telling them Lies for the rest of their Lives. If they are saddened or angry then so be it. I stopped having an Interest in Religeon when I was 13 1/2 my Parents got used to me being this way ,My Mother never gave up trying to get me to go to Church to no avail. That was many Years ago now they are both long Dead .

Answer 8

Before you write off your upbringing do a little reading. Josh McDowell has written several books for intellectuals that will address the issues you are struggling with. You may want to start with "More than a Carpenter", it is short and easy to read. If you want proof of scripture reliability etc read Josh's book "Evidence that demands a verdict.

You can also go to his website www.josh.org and read his research. Don't just write off your families heritage without doing a thorough investigation. Remember most universities are extremely liberal and do their best to try to destroy young people's faith.

Another site you may find answers on is www.leestrobel.com Lee is another atheist who did a great deal of research to try to disprove the scriptures and the resurrection. He has a fascinating story of his faith journey. It may help you.

It's perfectly normal to have these doubts and feelings but realize many who have gone before you have struggled with the same issues. Both Josh McDowell and Lee Strobel are highly intelligent men who wrestled with the same things. Take a little time and read their thoughts, it may help.

Answer 9

well, when I broke it to my parents that I was a Spiritual Satanist (NOT devil worshiper, there is a HUGE difference) I just kinda prodded them about how they felt about other religions, said that I was interested in other people's/religions point of view. I just came out with it slowly, just a bit at a time, letting them know the true nature of satanism (which is the OPPOSITE of devil worship, believe it or not, email me if you want more info) until eventually there was nothing left to tell them, other than the fact that I was a Satanist.

Answer 10

Before you tell them anything, maybe you should research a little about Jesus life. I did the same, and guess what, I was in a better position to face my fundie family to tell them about my beliefs.