any catholics that can answer my ?

Question

My bf is catholic and I am christian UCC. We do not attend church regularly so as we were dating it didn't seem like a big deal. now that we are talking about marriage and he told me everything i have to do to marry him since i'm not catholic...it's scaring me a little. he is very traditional and as I think thats great...there's just some things i'm uneasy about like...I think we should live together before we're married, he doesn't. he thinks it's important that he gets married in his church and thats a little uncomfortable for me... I always wanted to have a small wedding on the beach somewhere...he says catholics only get married in the catholic church or it's not recognized as he is married. Anyone have any insight? how does it work to get married to a catholic when i am not one?

Answer 1

Your boyfriend is right- and he sounds like a great guy.

Think about it- he respects you enought to NOT live with you before marriage! Couples that live together before marriage are more than twice as likely to get divorced!

He aslo must marry in a Church- it is part of our laws.

You will love a Catholic wedding- the grandeur is completely unmatched anywhere!

You need not convert to marry on the Church, but you might want to attend RCIA classes. They are for people thinking of converting, but are alos good for people who simply want to learn more about the Church.

Your boyfrined would need to sign a statement that children will be raised Catholic- you only need acknowledge you understand his promise.

You would also attend marriage preparation with the priest or deacon. This gives you insight into the reality of married life...you know- when the 'honeymoon is over' and helps you discuss things many couples otherwise would never think through.

You can meet with a priest on your own and ask him about anything that makes you uncomfortable. Remember- most everything you think you know about the Catholic Chruch IS NOT TRUE!

Answer 2

It's true that Catholics do not recognize a marriage unless it takes place in the church, however the church is a bit more modern these days. You may find the odd priest who will marry you on a beach. It is rare but it can be done.
However you are not catholic and therefore you can't get married in the church. Catholics believe in 7 sacraments
1. Baptism
2. Communion
3. Confession
4. Confirmation
5. Marriage
6. Holy Order
7. Anointing of the Sick

I think if he wishes to get married in the church you should go see a priest, he will be able to guide you because I know in these modern days some priests do allow non catholics to be married in the church.

Long ago you had to get permission from the Pope to get married if one person was not a catholic. It would be nice to have a combined ceremony whereby your priest/pastor and his priest performed the ceremny together. It can and has been done and you could probably find a nice beach or small place.......Good Luck

Answer 3

I wonder how old you both are? In this day and age I'm suprised to find a guy out there that gives a **** one way or the other. BUT YOU? Why are you scared? You go through some classes at a catholic church, get counseling from a catholic priest about man and wife stuff, then your converted to catholic so you can marry him in a catholic church. It's funny how this is so important to him now. Wait how fast this tradition goes down the tube if he ever wants to divorce you or you him. It's a ridiculous tradition and if you are truly that uncomfortable about it then cancel the wedding and find someone who is a little bit more your kind of "Christian." Good luck with that.

Answer 4

Interfaith marriages can work, but I personally frown on them because of the theological differences between the spouses. As you are beginning to learn, the fact that faith did not mean much in the past, doesn't mean it won't continue to mean much in the future. You and your's really need to give marriage some serious thought.

Cohabitation doesn't prove anything. If you and your's truly love each other, you will be able to work through any difficulties that arise from living together. There is no need for a living-together-try-out before marriage. Truth is, even if you did have a smooth cohabitation before marriage, that doesn't mean you won't be tested later. If you are ill-prepared for that test, there is the potential for serious damage to your union.

Whatever issues you face in your first year are miniscule compared to the unforseen issues that will arise in the future. You must wait until you are married, and then become accustomed to working out your problems together while your problems are still relatively minor ones.

Remember, if you want to marry, you and your fiancee must love each other. If you two truly love each other, a love that is worthy of the Holy Sacrament of Matrimony, you've nothing to fear.

If you choose to marry a Catholic, you are choosing to be married inside a Catholic Church. Love requires sacrifice. Indeed, love is sacrifice. In this case, if you wish to be married to a Catholic, you must sacrifice your idealistic beach wedding.

Perhaps, if you could find such a location, you could have your wedding reception on the beach?

The Catholic Church takes it's Holy Sacraments very seriously. There are only seven of them, and you are speaking of taking part in one. Perhaps, considering how serious the Church takes it's Sacraments, you might gain an appreciation for what you and your fiancee are about to undertake.

The Sacraments are not a right. They are a Gifted Privilege from our Lord. Divine Gifts are never to be questioned, simply accepted. God is part of your union as well. If He wasn't, there would be no valid marriage.

Show Him that you wish God to be a part of your marriage by agreeing to comply with the Way in which the Catholic Church administers said Sacrament.

Answer 5

I don't really understand the question. He's telling you he wants to be married in the Catholic church so that the marriage is recognized by his religion. If that's a deal breaker with him then maybe this isn't the right person for you. It seems like you both have completely different ideals on what you view your wedding as. Maybe you can do a wedding in the Catholic church and a classy beach themed (not Hawaiian themed) reception.

Answer 6

Have two ceremonies. I believe Catholics do have to marry in the church under normal circumstances. (but it doesn't have to be a big thing....just the two of you and a witness)
Then go out on the beach and do it the way you want. You are still able to marry in the church even if you aren't Catholic. I know Catholics who lived together before marriage and they are happy but of course it isn't looked upon as a good idea in the church. (any Christian church really)

Compromise.

Answer 7

Girl, sounds like you better break things off now. As a Catholic, I made sure I married a Catholic, because it was important to both of us to have the same values/morals, similar upbringing, ideas about children and families, etc.
If you decide to marry him in a Catholic church, you don't have to change to be Catholic, but will have to do serious pre-marital counselling. The biggest thing is you MUST agree to raise your children Catholic, keep a Catholic home, attend Mass regularly and support your children as they go through the sacraments.
So you have a HUGE decision to make....

Answer 8

it's difficult when you're in love with someone that has a different religion bc when you start thinking of marriage these things generally come up. don't be intimated by his catholicism and try to accept that he doesn't want to move in toghether until after marriage.
in terms of the small beach wedding versus the church wedding, why not have the wedding at the church and the reception at the beach, there are many catholic churches by the beach.
also since you both don't regularly go to church once your married being married to a catholic shouldn't be terribly different. but you should both know how you want to raise your future kids.

Answer 9

You have to decide NOW if you want to convert to being a Catholic. This is going to come up again when you have kids and which church to raise them in (the Catholic church makes you sign a paper when you get married that you are going to raise the kids Catholic). If you aren't going to convert, I would suggest calling off the wedding now. If you are willing to convert and you still want the beach wedding, get married in the Catholic church & when you go on your honeymoon get married again on the beach. I have heard that the Catholic church will not recognize the wedding unless you get married in the church.


Good Luck!

Answer 10

1. You do not need to convert.

The Catholic Church allows marriage between Catholics and non-Catholics.

Because the Church recognizes the tremendous challenge that the interfaith couple will face, they may have to get permission from the bishop.

http://www.usccb.org/catechism/text/pt2sect2chpt3art7.htm#1633

2. You can get married outside of a Church but it will take a little work.

The Code of Canon Law says a marriage is ideally to be celebrated in a parish church.

However a marriage can be celebrated:
+ In another church with permission of the bishop or pastor
+ In any other suitable place with permission of the bishop

For more information, see the Code of Canon Law, section 1118: http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/__P40.HTM

+ With love in Christ.