Family attendance at weddings....?

Question

I have a wedding that is coming up in less than a month. I have some family who isn't going to make it. One of my cousins states she can't make it because she doesn't have money. The other cousin took a last minute spring break trip to Mexico, and now she doesn't have money to fly out. I feel very disappointed ($120 roundtrip flight.) I told them about the wedding last July. So it's not like they didn't have time. And the first cousin lives in the same city as the wedding. It's not like I expect them to come bearing gifts. I would be fine with just them showing up. I'm sooo pissed off I'm pretty much ready to cut all ties with them. Am I being unreasonable.

Answer 1

As far as the one that lives in the same city and says she doesn't have the money to drive 10-20 minutes, I'd try to have a reasonable adult conversation with her.

Explain that it is really bothering you that she isn't willing to drive just 10 minutes to celebrate your wedding. You feel that she is saying she doesn't support you and your husband and doesn't want to be a part of your family anymore. Ask her if that is the msg she meant to convey and why she feels that way. Talk to her about it. Yelling and telling her she is severing all ties is not going to make her open up to you. She might have very valid reasons for why she doesn't support your fiance becoming your husband and you might need to hear these reasons. Cause if it's just she needs a ride across town, I'm sure someone in your family would volunteer to give her a ride. There is something else going on w/ this one and you probably need to reasonably sit down and hear her out.

As for the cousin that can't afford $120 flight, I would explain to her that it hurts she valued spring break over your wedding and that you feel hurt by her actions. There might be another reason for her as well, like a family member she is trying to avoid. Explain to her that you want her to share in that moment, you don't care if she can't bring a gift. In a month, she still has time to save up $120. Thats barely part of a paycheck, even at parttime jobs. If it turns out it really is the $120, I'd call her parents. I'd explain to them that you are concerned about cousin. She doesn't have enough money to fly to the wedding and you'd really like her to go. You might find out they bought her a refundable ticket and she cashed it in for that flight to Mexico. This girl needs some growing up and I guarentee you'll find out some interesting information and perhaps tell someone that can help her mature a bit.

My bridesmaid claimed last minute she didn't have enough money to make it to my wedding. She lives in Alaska but had managed to fly to see her ex graduate from the military school (in SC, and I live in NC) and get some booty just a couple months earlier. I had someone who would pick her up from airport, drive her around to get her dress altered and all that, and a free place for her to stay those couple days. I had another friend start looking for airfare and he found it for nearly half of the price she'd found it at. When I called her parents to ask if they'd loan her the money, I found out a completely different story. One that did make me decide to cut her out of my life. Apparently this girl had a huge grudge and wanted to get back at me for something that happened years before and this was what she chose. So I told her not to bother coming, and with a couple weeks before the wedding asked another friend to be a bridesmaid. She was fabulous and it renewed that friendship. I haven't talked to the other girl since and it's all for the better.

So perhaps the one that values some tequilla in Mexico last minute more than coming to your wedding is very immature and has a lot to learn about life. Perhaps it is best if you move on without her and just forget she even exists. Either way it's best to not act like bridezilla but make sure you verify that there isn't something else going on, something that they just don't know how to share with you b/c they know you are so preoccupied with the wedding right now. Talk to them first--it might save the relationship. At least with one of them.

Answer 2

I KNOW THAT YOU WANT YOUR FAMILY THERE BUT SOMETIMES IT JUST DOESN'T HAPPEN LIKE THAT. SWEETIE THAT DAY IS ABOUT YOU AND AS LONG AS YOU AND THE GROOM AND THE PATOR SHOW UP EVERYTHING WILL TURN OUT GREAT. I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL I WENT THROUGH THE SAME THING, JUST DON'T STRESS YOURSELF AND WHO KNOW MAYBE THEY WILL SURPRISE YOU AND SHOW UP. GOOD LUCK