Does the "can you find out if he likes me" technique work for adults?

Question

I am deeply enamoured of a guy at work; we flirt and I believe there is some attraction on his part, but I have no idea how deep it goes--flirtation is a dime a dozen.
There are several complications:
(1) we work together
(2) i think he's about 7 years younger at least
I don't want to ask him out because for me this backfires 100% of the time, and while normally I'd say failure is a part of life, I would find that kind of rejection intolerable since we work together. Can i ask a co-worker if the guy likes me or is that so cowardly it will backfire? I feel frustrated that all i can do is smile and wink.

Answer 1

Well - you are pooping where you eat regardless of what course of action you take. Dating co-worker is bad mojo because, as you yourself point out, if it goes bad then you're still stuck working with this guy.

But, let's pretend for a moment that you don't care about an excrutiantingly uncomfortable workplace should things go south......

It's pretty juvenile...... Your fear of rejection (but obviously not of screwing up your work place relations) is causing you to try and get, essentially, a "sure thing". Oh goodie! My best buddy asks him if he likes me and he says yes and then I can ask him out and we'll fly off to the land of cartoon birds.

With all due respect, grow up. In your question alone, you already set yourself up for failure. "this backfires for me 100% of the time.....failure is a part ofl ife...blah, blah, blah". I don't mean to go all "The Secret" on you, but if that's what you set yourself up for, thats what you're going to get - regardless of if you have you friend asks if he likes you or not.

I am of the mind that you don't deserve the man if you can't grow a big enough pair of woman balls to get up and ask him out. I find it interesting that you won't risk the relative minor humiliation of being turned down compared to the huge risk of maybe dating him for awhile, breaking up and THEN having to see and work with him everyday......but that's just me.

Answer 2

As yourself will a relationship with this guy be one that I want to be in or is it just going to be a fling. It's complicated because you work together but you shouldn't have to stoop to asking a friend to ask him if he likes you. That's kind of childish. If it were me, I would weigh the pros and cons and figure out what I really want. Then I would take the next step without regret.

Answer 3

Of course it works, however it make you look immature..

What is worse: asking a guy out and getting turned down, or everyone finding out that you had someone to ask a guy if he likes you? One is a normal part of adult life, the other makes you sound like you are still in 6th grade.

Answer 4

ask him out for someting casual and see what happens. the asking another person technique will probably backfire anyway. keep it casual at first and then slowly change it into a relationship. if he feels the same way it will be a easy transition, if not then he will prevent it from turning into something

Answer 5

Do not ask a co worker to ask him, that is so junior high. Ask him out for lunch, or a drink after work.

Answer 6

my boyfriend and i kinda got together on the does she like me thing. it was my friends daughters uncle. and i told her i thought he was cute and he told her that he liked me and it went from there. i was always told not to date anyone from work, but good luck. and i hope everything works out for you.

Answer 7

Smiles and winks are fun. I would keep it like that.

Answer 8

try asking him yourself or with a note or with the whole 'ask him for me' bit