What's the right age for the "sex talk"?

Question

I'm 23 and I have an 8 year old brother that I pretty much raised. My mother isn't really a "mother figure", if you will. I raised myself and I dont want my little brother to do the same thing so I try to be as motherly as I possibly can be.
Anyhow, my question is, lately my little brother hads been asking me questions about girls and about where babies come from. He's going to be 9 soon and I know that alot of his friends already know about sex and probably talk about it.
He's very naive to it and I'm wondering what the right age to have "the talk" with him is. He's pretty comfortable around me so I know he wont be TOO embarressed but can any parents let me know what the right age for this talk is, and how do you approach it?
Thank you

Answer 1

First of all, he is lucky to have a big sister who cares about him so much. I'm glad you want to help him like this.

He's certainly old enough to know - especially because he is curious about it right now - but that doesn't mean you have to flood him with every detail right away. He won't be able to handle it all at once. Start with simple versions and the biology of reproduction and be prepared to answer lots of questions.

I'm sure there are some good books to help you out. I've got a daughter and my wife did most of the talking with her because my kid is more comfortable with that. 'm sure your brother trusts you and you can handle a lot of the stuff, but there is probably a point where it will help to have a guy who can talk to him, too, incase he becomes embarrassed to ask you stuff. Maybe a friend of yours or a relative. But it is really important that he hears from you, too, especially as far as respecting a woman and not trying to force anything on her.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Girls under the age of 18 r minors! People are aware of that! Parents of any 13 old sleeping with a man can b super mad. Watch an episode of "Raising Children In Troubled Times ". The subject for that show is "Sex Ed". Girls regardless of race will always regret where and how they learned something they're much too early for-sex! Later on when girls reveal a sex secret, their lover's heart stops. It's not fair that sexual sin practice is brought in this universe. As long as they repent, God will forgive. Now that should be a good church topic. Sexual sins-fornication, adultery, incest. Girls need to learn a lesson before they hardly get out of teen sexuality so young. Sex belongs n the home. Marriage is to love & sex. Girls need to have absolute control over their bodies. Parents need to talk to their teenage daughters about it.

Answer 3

If his old enough to ask the question than he's old enough for an honest answer. You don't have to go into lots of detail, but certainly a frank talk using correct language would help..

You don't have to go into the hot and heavy stuff. Start with "when a man and a woman really love each other, they have sex. Sex sometimes results in a baby growing inside a woman's uterus. When the baby is ready to be born, she goes into labor and the doctor will help the baby be born." etc.

Then go into a simple explanation of your family's moral values concerning sex. Do you believe that only married people should have sex? You need to discuss that.

If he's satisfied with this brief answer, you can stop there. If he asks questions about the specifics of sex, you'll have to go into more detail.

Keep answering his questions as long as he keeps asking them but don't go into too much detail all at once. Let him guide the conversation. You'll soon learn if he's hearing things from his friends and what sorts of things he's being told.

What you are establishing is that he can come to you at anytime and ask you anything and get a straight answer. That will a good foundation for later.

Answer 4

The idea of sitting a kid down and giving them an interminable lecture about "where babies come from" really should be consigned to the history books. Sex education should ideally be just like any other kind of education - an ongoing process. Answer questions as and when they crop up, with concise, accurate detail. As hard as it might be, try not to be embarrassed; all your brother is, right now, is curious. If you give him the idea, through your reaction to his questions, that sex is something shameful, he's likely to get that idea stuck in his head.

(Not saying that you would, just pointing that out...)

To give an overview to your question, however, I'd say yes. Nine is more than old enough to understand about the mechanics of human reproduction; you can be assured that if you don't give him the right information, one of his peers will give him the WRONG stuff instead.

Whatever happens, good luck. And by the way, well done. It can't have been easy looking after your own brother at times.

Answer 5

The sex talk isn't a one-off event.

I think that it's a subject that gets revisited several times as a child grows up. Each time with more adult detail until eventually they have all the info. There's no point explaining to a 9 year old about ovulation for example. I have always gaged based on the individual child and how articulate and inquiring they are.

Don't lie, but don't overwhelm him with too much info or none of it will sink in.

I told my baby brother the following when he was around 9:

Sex is something that two adults do when they are in love with each other
Sex makes babies
I told him about sperm and eggs

He really wanted to know about 'boobies' and at that age he thought the word 'bottom' was the funniest thing ever! So I knew that he couldn't handle any more info.

I talked to him about again when he was 11 or 12 to explain erections and condoms.

Lastly, I know how hard it is brining up a sibling but you're doing an amazing job (I can tell just by the fact you're seeking advice) and he will thank you for it when he's older. - Mine is 18 now and he thanked me for helping him.

Answer 6

I think you should have the talk now. If he is asking questions than he is curious. If he doesn't get the information from someone who can explain it in a mature way, he'll ask the kids at school and hear all kinds of stuff. My daughter is 9 and we had the talk shortly after she turned 9. I kept it very simple, yet fact filled and she seemed to have understood it. We will have a more detailed conversation as she gets older.

Answer 7

I don't think there's really an age, or that "the talk" should be a big formal thing. With my daughter, I have answered questions as they came up. My daughter knows more than a lot of her friends, but she also doesn't call things nasty names or giggle hysterically when someone says the word "sex".

I say answer your brother's questions as he asks them. Give him the information he wants, and no more until he reaches puberty. Then it is very important to approach the topics of safe sex and birth control.

Good luck, and God bless.

Answer 8

I think every kid is different and has different levels of maturity so there is no one age that's right for every kid. I think when they start asking questions you should be prepared to answer but that doesn't mean you have to explain every detail. First, find out what he really wants to know and what he's heard about it. If you aren't prepared to answer, tell him that's a really good question and you need a day or two to think about it. Then just cover the basics of his question, keep it simple. Maybe he just wants to know how the baby gets in the mommy's tummy. You could say that mommies have eggs inside them and when she and the daddy decide it's time the egg grows into a baby. They also have lots of books for this but make sure you look through them to be sure they don't seem to graphic. I commend you for trying to help your little brother! Good luck!

Answer 9

Answer the question honestly and tell him everything. Tell him that sex is for adults for the purpose of marriage which is what God intended. Arm children with the truth. He won't understand certain things because of his age and may not want to hear some things, but he will get older and there will be sex education in school so he will have some knowledge all ready.

Answer 10

After the fifth graders in Louisianna were in the news last week for having sex in the class room - I would say the earlier the better. At least make sure you have an open door policy with him that he can ask you anything anytime. If he feels comfortable talking to you and asking you question then you will know when to tell him all he needs to know.