What should I say to this annoying person?

Question

My problem is a family friend keeps bossing my family around whenever he comes over. You see my Grandmother just had a stroke so, he is over to help us. It is nice for him to come help however, he keeps telling me what to do. For example my brother and I get in an argument and he buds in. Personally, it is not any of his business. He also tells us what to do. Another example he asks me where I'm going I tell him I'm going out and he says ''no you should stay here''. My problem is he is not part of the family just a family friend. What is a polite thing to say to him so, he can stop stating his opinions and bossing my family particularly my brother and I around so much? In addtion I'm 21 years old and my brother is twelve years old.

Answer 1

You need to address this issue. It seems like this guy has pushed his way into your family and has decided he's now part of it. I hate it when people act like this, because they have no respect for your feelings. Tell him that an argument between you and your brother, is just that, and if he tries to butt in, turn to him and ask "Was I talking to you" in a very stern voice, and then take your brother somewhere else. If he keeps asking you where you are going, tell him you are free and 21 years old, and last time you checked his name wasn't listed as your father's on the birth certificate. Also talk to your parents, or any other adults that are involved. Let them know that this is bothering you, and they can kindly tell him to take a hike. Or next time you're having a family get together or discussion and he tries to butt in or join in, tell him it's a family thing, and you don't mean to be rude, but he's not invited. He should get the hint, but with people like this, sometimes kindness isn't the best way. Sometimes you have to be forceful with people to get them to leave you alone!

Answer 2

Ahhhh, men, so intent on fixing things whether or not you asked. Truthfully the problem here is you having an argument in front of a non-family member in the first place. That was rude of you, because you certainly made it seem like his business.
But really the situation is about boundaries. You have a person who is helpful but overstepping boundaries he doesn't even know are there. My suggestion is to curb arguments with your brother and behave with the utmost courtesy to him and other family members since I am sure it is stressfull for everyone. When he oversteps or sticks his nose in you are pretty much obligated to listen to his opinions with polite respect (you can't have cake and eat it too). But that doesn't mean you have to follow them. If you're going out and he suggests you stay in, inform him that you are completely unable to break these plans as they are so very important and say it as though you really really wish you could stay home.

Answer 3

By what you have said I am really wondering where your parents are in all of this. If you and your brother live with your grandmother, then I feel this man is in the right. You said yourself that your grandmother just had a stroke, yet you talked about getting upset with him saying things while you argued with your brother. More than likely he was concerned about your arguing and bickering putting too much stress on your grandmother. When a person has suffered a stroke, they need to relax, to lighten their work load, and to regain their strength. You may be 21, but if you live in your grandmother's home, you should be putting her needs first right now. There are people that are close to my family to the point that they are considered family, so I do understand. What you need to think about is if you are upset by how this man is trying to get you to behave, or if you are just upset at being given orders and questioned. After you figure that out, decide if you are upset at being treated in a way that you see as child-like or if you feel he is being abusive. If you are just upset about not having the freedom to come and go as you please and interruptions in your arguements, then get over it. Your grandmother is obviously not well and you should strive more than ever to be sweet, helpful, and maintain as much peace as possible. You want to be treated like an adult, then act like one and don't fight with a 12 year old kid. You should realize that your grandmother needs you. If you want to act your age then do so, if you want to be mature, then step up and be respectful to this man who is your elder and trying to aid in your grandmother's recovery. If you work or not, right now you should be doing most of the cleaning, cooking, and helping your brother with his school work. Part of being an adult, or even a good person, is realizing that we sometimes have to bite our tongue with a smile so that what needs to get done can get done.

Answer 4

This problem is of your own doing. Get your eyes off of yourself and think of others for a change. If you were taking care of your grandmother in the first place, he would have no reason to be at your house for extended periods of time.

The problem is that your grandmother IS YOUR FAMILY and you don't care enough to take care of her, while a mere friend is showing her more love than you are.

You're 21? Time to grow up. And likely your brother too.

Answer 5

Being polite is the tough part. However, honesty is what is called for. Your 21, so stand up for yourself and tell him. He will not like it and may be offended. But it is better than living with the feeling of wishing he would stop. No one likes confrontation, you may have to tell him more than once. Don't practice what to say, he won't reply the way you think. Don't wait for him to get bossy either, just let it out.

Answer 6

alot depends on how old the friend is and how close YOU are to that person. if they are closer to your parents age, perhaps you can talk to them about your concerns have them address the issue. if you are closer to that person, then maybe you can go to lunch one day and bring up how you feel away from the situation. try giving them examples in your history when he or she has felt like they were being bossed around in their own element i.e. their house. be sure to explain to them that while you appriciate their help, it is your house , you are 21 and it is your brother. but try not let your temper get the best of you. i know it is difficult in that kinda circumstance

Answer 7

You are 21? Girl, you need to let him know that you appreciate his opinion, but you would appreciate it even more when it is solicited.

Now I don't agree with you and your brother arguing when your grandmother just had a stroke either.

The two of you will likely be treated more as adults when you start behaving that way. You two need to come together. Once that happens, just tell bruh-man that you are capable of making decisions for yourself and that if he has any QUESTIONS about your brother he is welcome to pose them to either you or your parents. Nuff said...

Answer 8

Tell him that you will take care of your brother,and help your grandmother out when you have the time,and you'll let him know when you need his advise! and if he don't go for that,than I guess you're just going to have to be a little bit rude to him ,until he gets the hint! Good luck!

Answer 9

As a family friend, he is probably just trying to "help" in his own way. Since you say he is a friend of your grandmothers, I am going to assume he is old and set in his ways. Just ignore him if you don't agree, but if you confront him you risk hurting his feelings. He is probably lonely and trying to feel useful, have some pity on him!

Answer 10

Just tell him "Oh, you don't need to worry about me." "My parents or I will take care of my brother." I wouldn't even bother telling him that it is not his business, etc. Just keep telling him not to worry about you. What in the world do your parents say to him?