What is an appropriate response to this hurtful comment?

Question

I am constantly asked by people in public situations when I am going to graduate from school. I am 25 years old and graduated from high school in 2000 and college in 2004. People constantly insult me with "Oh, you barely look 16" or "You look to young to be out of school". They never take me seriously because of how "young" I look. It's annoying, I know everyone says "Just wait til you're 30, 40 or 50 and you'll be glad you look young" but that's not helping. I want to have something to say to let these people know that their comments aren't compliments and they aren't appreciated. What is an appropriate, (or even inappropriate) response to make to these people?

I do drive a nice car, a brand new one in fact. I dress like a business professional and always speak grammatically correct. My hair is always fixed, and I always have makeup on. And all these people do is make me feel like I'm a little girl playing dress up, I want to be taken seriously.

Actually Pastor Biker, I have had to deal with this problem in the workplace too. I speak very intelligently and have been told so by coworkers, superiors, and my employers. I am very mature, I do not go out and party, and I dress with modesty in mind at work. I have dealt with coworkers who disregard anything I that comes out of my mouth, even before I say it, because I am of similar age of their children. I've been referred to as a floosy, just because this individual thought that a young woman of 25 should already be married, and that I must be a whore for not. Yes most people will have respect for you if you act with maturity, but some people will not.

Answer 1

It really is annoying, isn't it? When people tell you that you look the age of some floozy teenager? After all, it's like saying you don't look "mature" enough to be in a business suit, although you and I know better. Of course, if you come back with an immature comment, that would just confirm their beliefs about you. So the best thing to do is just smile and say "Youthfulness runs in the family." If they persist on it, with something like "Yeah, but you still look so young!", you can always turn around and say "Looks don't determine maturity, as in YOUR case." Hopefully they're realize their rudeness and back off.

Answer 2

Im glad Im not alone on this, I too get the same problem, Im 30 but people think Im 21 years old, i guess I can take it as a compliment now, but when I was in my twenties people thought I was 18 or something and would talk down to me as if I was some ignorant teen. Yeah it is pretty annoying. I remember when I was 21 going into a video store and buying a 18 cert video I think it was Conair or something and the guy on the counter asked for age ID to prove I was over 18!

If they comment about your age after you tell them just say something like "aint I the lucky one," and laugh or smile. Or say "well its better than being told that you look older than you actually are"

Hope this helps.

Answer 3

Honestly, there's not much you can do or say that's really going to make you feel better - even if you "put people in their places." I'm in the same boat as you, just older. Telling you to wait until you're older is really lame. You're probably still going to look younger than you are so you will still have the same type of situation. Sure, it's nice to be older and still look young but the comments are always stupid. It's like when women are pregnant and people think that gives them permission to touch their bellies. When people ask when you're going to graduate, just say "I did that years ago. Thank you." And, leave it at that. The people will be confused and you have, in most cases, ended it. Eventually, the comments will lessen so keep the faith. Good luck.

Answer 4

I think you just want to be you, a 25 year old professional woman. And I respect that and understand how aggravating it must be. When someone says one of these comments, just simply reply that you are 25 and graduated college 3 years ago. I went out to eat with my husband a couple weeks ago and we sat at the bar while we waited on our table. well my husband ordered a beer and when the bartender asked what I wanted I just said nothing. He said good, cause I didnt think you were old enough to drink, and I told him as it happens I am 23 and pregnant with my second child, that is why I could not have a drink. And I simply told him that and we walked off he felt like a complete dumb @$$. I hope things get better for you!!

Answer 5

I wish that their comments didn't get to you as much as they do since there are many inconsiderate, ignorant and annoying people and you cannot change them. If you comment back ' Oh you look 80 ' or some other rude comment you are just going down to their level and you sound superior to me. Why not just smile at them and say ' Oh I am sorry' they might realize their error but dont count on it. At least you know who you do not want to spend time with. Best thing though is just smile at them and say nothing and let it go right by and through you and try never to think of it again.

Answer 6

My suggestion would be to grow a thicker skin. Yes, those people don't understand that they are joking about something that is actually a serious pain for you, but you aren't going to convince anyone that you should be taken seriously by getting all hurt every time someone tells you you look like a kid.

Because of the way you look you have to do a little extra to be taken seriously. That sucks and it isn't fair, but it's true and unavoidable. I say joke about it back, or make fun of the traits of those who make fun of you. If people see that you can joke about it, they will hold against you less. This is true of almost any trait.

Answer 7

I can see why this would be annoying. Thse preople are probably sexist too no doubt.
How about, in response to "oh you barley look 16", something like "thank you, but I am wise beyond my looks". NOt sure, can you just laugh it off. If nht everyone treats you like this then just remember all the nice things people say and all the respectful people who treat you right. If you want a polite response then just ignore it...sorry it's hard I know but some people just can't see beyond a pretty face!

Answer 8

i'm sure that they do mean it as a compliment but i'm also sure that it is annoying to you. You will appreciate it when you are older.
I was 21 when i moved to a new community and when i went to get a library card they told me i had to leave it at the desk and after i entered junior high school i would be responsible enough to keep it with me. i am now 39 and i got carded for alcohol last week. that is flattering.
accept it as the compliment that they intended and ignore their nasty comments about you being a floozy. you have much to be proud of. they will start to respect you.

Answer 9

I'm 25 and I have the same problem. I usually just brush it off but it does get annoying sometimes. I agree that sometimes people don't take you seriously if they think you're young. But in situations like this, as I get older, I think I'm getting better at standing up for myself.

If it really bothers you THAT much though...I don't know what I would do. I usually just firmly set them straight.

Answer 10

It seems to me age should never be brought up regardless of whether it is younger or older. But it disturbs me, the venom with which you wish to snap the head off some one who honestly thought they were comlimenting you. (from your added details it looks as though you've run into exceptions)
The response you're looking for is a tight lipped smile and a thank you. It will get your point across, which is to drop the subject.