I just ended a year-long relationship with a compulsive liar. He has many amazing qualities...he's goodlooking, smart, funny, outgoing, fun to be around, and likes a lot of the same things as me. But turns out he was cheating on me nearly the entire time, and telling the most elaborate, believable lies to cover it all up. When I would confront him with indisputable facts, he'd still lie his way out of it. I put up with it for a year because I kept hoping I could change him, and because he does have many good qualities. I tried several times to cut off contact with him, and every time I do, he immediately sucks me back in.
My question for anyone else who's been in this situation is CAN compulsive liars change? Or is it completely hopeless? When he attempts to start talking to me again, do I confront him on the fact that he's a compulsive liar? Do I give him ultimatums? It just seems like a hopeless situation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
2007-04-09 07:20:41 · 12 answers · asked by Monica S 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I have been in your situation, and no, compulsive liars cannot change because it's a mental illness. They don't even know they lie because they lie to themselves, too. They don't realize their lies aren't that convincing. They make themselves believe their own lies, so they can stare you right in your eyes while they tell their lies. It's pretty amazing. You cannot change him. In fact, don't try to change any guy. It doesn't work. Try to see who the person really is, and if you can live with his qualities, endearing or not. Sometimes of course they will change on their own accord. You can tell what you like or don't like, and there'll be compromises, but just don't expect to change people.
If he tries to come back to you, just be kind and polite but be very firm that you don't see this relationship going anywhere, and that's why you ended it. You need to move on, and so does he. Apparently he's not satisfied with only you. And you're not satisfied with being his one of many girls. It's that simple. Two people having two different needs and expectations. Don't blame him. Just tell him you and he are not compatible. That's all. You will find someone else who is not a cheater and a liar. You'll be much happier when you do.
2007-04-09 07:30:50 · answer #1 · answered by me 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say that it's impossible for someone to change a self destructive aspect of their personality that also hurts everyone who loves them. That being said, I have seen time and again that people generally don't change for a rather critical reason that puts up a substantial obstacle. They start to believe their lies. Thus, you really do seem to them like you're off your rocker while they can't believe their innocence is being questioned (if you go that route). I caught my ex kissing his ex girlfriend on a park bench right across the street from our apartment we shared together. Walking the dog, I saw them, plain as day. I ran back inside infuriated, upset, fuming, etc. thinking "There is NO WAY he can deny this!!!" and...yet...he did. I simply could not believe it. He has an incredibly distinct appearance that is unmistakable so his claims it must have been someone else were hilarious. In fact, he always would comment that there is no one in the world who looks like him and damn if he ever got famous, there would be no hiding from anyone! The saddest thing is this... most compulsive liars are charming, convincing, and deceiving people who hurt others without even knowing it. It's so sad but I advise, personally, steering far away once evidence has been substantiated.
2016-03-18 07:14:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The real compulsive liar is an sickness. Many people we judge as a compulsive liar because of our feelings....I was with a kind man who cared deeply ABOUT ME and he WAS A COMPULSIVE LIAR. These people are so convinced they are telling the truth that they start making you question your own judgement. They can be dangerous and are not good for a relationship....Goodlooking-so what=smart ok. but he lies, funny and outgoing and a cheater. He sounds more like a jerk than anything else....It is a doomed situation and you should not even be thinking of lowering yourself to be with him. He will continue to lie, hide and once a cheater always a cheater....Don't kid yourself....
2007-04-09 07:27:37 · answer #3 · answered by city girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can they change? Sure, just about anyone can. However, without therapy it's unlikely. Compulsive lying is coming from somewhere inside, other than just telling a lie to cover one's butt...it would take professional help to discover why the person lies and help them to stop doing it.
On top of that, the guy is a cheater...that's a double-whammy. You may hope he will change but I believe you are wasting your time. Even with professional help it would take a long time.
This person, imo, isn't worth wasting your time on. He's not going to change just for you, you cannot change him no matter how much you try or how long you hang in there, so to stay with him (or return to him) would just be masochistic.
Have more pride in yourself and your self-worth than to be with someone who would have so little respect for himself and others. As fun and cute as he may be, his negative qualities FAR outweigh the positive.
Walk away girl...this life is too short to waste time making the same mistake over and over again. What good opportunities may you have passed up, or have passed you by, while you've been spinning your wheels with liar-guy?
2007-04-09 07:28:22 · answer #4 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, compulsive liars can't change. If he was cheating on you for the entire time of your relationship then you should not even talk to him. If he lied and cheated before, he will do it again. Compulsive liars can have you believe that they changed but really they didn't. Take my advice and if he tries to talk to him, just tell him that he is a compulsive liar and you don't want anything to do with him.
2007-04-09 07:27:41 · answer #5 · answered by sbooth17554 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he lies to you and cheats on you then you don't want to be with them. And you don't need to change them. The only person that can change them is themselves. You are better off without him. I was with someone just like that. And bad thing is he still lied to me after I had left him. Which is why I don't talk to him. I loved this man as well. But noone should be with a compulsive liar or a cheater. Once they cheat they most likely will always cheat as I found out.
2007-04-09 07:28:16 · answer #6 · answered by Becky Z 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nope they will never change. I know people that lie about the stupidest thing ever and dont even care about being caught in lies. They never stop lying. I wouldnt get back with him cause things wont change. U should tell him that he is a compulsive liar and he should get help. I think its funny about people that lie all the time, everyone knows that person is lying and they just keep doing it.
2007-04-09 07:30:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Habitual Liars And Cheaters
2016-11-06 23:18:14 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People don't change easily, I wouldn't wait on anyone to see if it could happen. As a rule, you can just say "people don't change" and be right almost everytime.
He is what he is and you can't change that. You seem to be someone easily fooled, too trusting. No guy can lie like that and get away with it on a smart woman. That you kept falling for it even after you caught him doesn't speak well of you. However your biggest problem is that you like to be in relationships with bad men. That is what you really need to fix and understand why.
2007-04-09 07:28:11 · answer #9 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what you're forgetting to put is that he's not only a compulsive liar he's a cheater! move on. i wouldn't trust him ever again! and especially if he's good at lying because you'll never really know if it's the truth or not. do you really want to waste your time having to wonder if he's lying?
2007-04-09 07:26:46 · answer #10 · answered by JM 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋