I recently found God's love again and started renweing my faith. But I have been in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend, we have had premarital sex throughout our relationship. Well, since I have started believing again, rather than seeing our acts as love for each other, I feel guilty and feel that i am hurting God, but if i stop it i fear that i hurt my boyfriend. this sucks! lol. I dont know what to do. My boyfriend is not Christian, although has expressed intrest, and we are nowhere near financially able to get married at this point (it's complicated please dont fight me on this it would take a million characters), but we do plan on marriage in the future. I know that he would be upset with me if i just up and decided to discontinue our "relations" and i'm not sure that in not having faith himself, he would understand. once I was told that according to Jesus "once you have slept with someone you have married them in your heart" does this apply to me? please help me
2007-04-09 07:04:07 · 50 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
get married problem solved
But If you think that you should not get married then in your heart you know that this guy is not for you in the first place
2007-04-09 07:07:36 · answer #1 · answered by Layla 6 · 5⤊ 4⤋
Dear... its ok even if u have had pre-marital sex as you did not find that "connection" with God. But, did u do it because you love him, or just to have fun? anyway...
God didnt just "legalize" pre-marital sex because he didnt want it. Its because of the consequences. Think about it... What if you get pregnant? If you did, then are you able to handle the responsibility of a child? OR would you go for an abortion? Abortion is a whole different controvertial issue. OK, lets say that you dont get an abortion and choose the life of your baby, will you be able to handle him/her? What is he doesnt accept that its his child? Would you bear that your child be called..............?
Being pregnant is not the only reason. Health issues also come in.
Oh bdw i'm not a Christian... Pre-marital sex is condemned in major world religions.
I'm 20+++++ and still a virgin and i proud to be. No matter what, this is the most beautiful gift that i hope to give the one i'll spend life with. I have had bfs and i've always told them, if you are out here for sex, kindly do me the favour of leaving me. relationships are not only about sex sweetie.
You have had it, no need to weep now. If you have given it to the one you love, then never regret about it; coz you've given the person the most precious gift that a women can have. However, All that i would say is to gather your strength. Indeed, God will enlighten you.
If you really want to stop it, pls do so. Never do something that your mind will always feel guilty about just to please someone else. You know that its bad, so why carry the burden now and thereafter? You are having the will already, so go for it.
As far as your bf is concerned, if he truly loves you, he will accept this decision of yours and will wait for the right time. If he cant, i'm sorry to say this bluntly, but he was never ever yours. I can understand that he has sexual pulses, but i think that he will respect your decision.
Marriage is not the way out. C'mon you'll get married just to have sex? this is sick! You want to say that marriage is about legitimizing sex? Get married when u r ready, when you feel that he is the one you want to spend your life with. The one who will stand by you through the ups and downs of life.
Remember that sex is the wonderful union of two bodies. Its the fusion of two souls that generates such a pure thing called "life". God has almost given us the power of procreation, isnt that wonderful? Sex is so pure and holy.
All the best.
God bless you.
Cheers :)
2007-04-09 07:38:11 · answer #2 · answered by Pearl_beach 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You know, maybe part, of the reason you are not married is you have all the conveniences of marriage but not a commitment and you're probably not giving him incentive to want to marry you.
Now, it will be so much more hurt when you break up with someone you've bonded with, in as much as you have done it out of God's will.
First things, first you're better off hurting now when you walk out than later.
Meanwhile try read Chip Ingram's "Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships"...good book
Second, you will need a period of healing, might be long, a period of reconsidering, maybe even a period of getting your finances right.
If you boyfriend does love you he will come back ask to marry you...if not you still have Christ.
Learn from Jesus, ask HIM to show you a Christian gentleman who you can watch, see Godly character, your best bet would be to grow in a Church...and Watch GOD work.
I feel your pain:)
2007-04-09 07:31:12 · answer #3 · answered by Tuesday 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If your boyfriend really loves and cares for you then he should not have any problems understanding that for the time being you want to stop having sex. (Maybe he will marry you sooner. LOL) Seriously, don't let a human come between you and God. Maybe this is a test to show you and your boyfriend if you are really right for each other. Maybe God is trying to show you something. However, I do want to say that I am glad that you have come to know Christ and are on the right path. Don't give up your new found faith and life just so someone else can have sexual relations. Good luck with everything that you do and God Bless!!
2007-04-09 07:11:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Well, this is a hard situation. Its one of those situation which really test your love for the Lord and whether you will be able to stand up for him and what you believe. You have to talk to your boyfriend about this and why you can't continue having sex. Pray hard before talking and give this matter in the hands of God. Then talk to him. Rest will happen as God wills. If your boyfriend just wants you for sex he will give up anyways, but if he truly loves you he will definitely respect your faith and wait. and of course having a relationship with an unbeliever is not right according to the Bible, the commandment about being unequally yoked. And again as per the Bible when we have sex with someone we become one in flesh with that person and since God dwells in your heart when you become one with an unbeliever you are combining that which is holy with something which is unholy and something which does pain God a lot.
2007-04-09 07:18:45 · answer #5 · answered by smashingdon 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would talk with a Priest or Preacher, but my advice is that if he really loves you, he will respect your decision about your body.
You say you are not financially ready to get married, why not? Some of the best times were when we were first married and we ate basic foods and scrimped to make rent payments.
With Sexual activity there is a chance of pregnancy, are you ready to be parents? Would you have an Abortion? Abortion is a tough thing for many Christians to justify, if you are not ready for marriage, you most definitely are not ready for motherhood (Financially)
Talk with him, tell him how much this means to you. It may be better to find out now than 4 or 5 years from now.
Peace, good luck and may God Bless you both.
2007-04-09 07:13:19 · answer #6 · answered by C 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What greater test could there be of his love than his willingness to abstain? No two people can relate to everything that the other feels strongly about...in a healthy relationship, both can accept and validate the other's point of view even without sharing it. There is another thing I'd like to point out: The Bible says that Christians should be "yoked equally"; in other words, marry another Christian. That's a hard thing for me to say to someone simply because, while I am fortunate to have found my husband in a church, a devoted Christian, I would find it extremely difficult to follow my own advice should I happen to be in love with a non-believer. It's encouraging that he's "interested", but... Anyway, share your faith with him. Remember, to win him over to God, you have to be *living* what you believe. Be strong!
2007-04-09 07:20:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't take things from the bible so literally. When the bible was written people were getting married, usually arranged marriages, around the age of 14-15. Things have significantly changed over the years. As long as you love the person you are having "relations" with does it really matter? If you're not ready talk to your boyfriend tell him your conundrum. But above all else remember that it was during your time with him and your "relations" that you saw the "light" and became a born again Christian.
2007-04-09 07:12:26 · answer #8 · answered by jay k 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
It is not true that "according to Jesus, once you have slept with someone you have married them in your heart".
If you are not yet prepared for the commitment of marriage, then you really are not prepared to have sex with each other.
I would suggest this could be a great test of your boyfriend's love and respect. You could tell him: "I love you, and I love you too much to act hypocritically with you. I want you to know that I have come to the conclusion that sex is intended only within the married relationship. I feel guilty about what we have been doing, I know God has forgiven me and now accepts me as I am, but I don't want to do this again. We need to stop having sex until we are married. I am not saying this to rush you into marriage, we should probably wait a while, but we need to let go of the sex part of our relationship".
Remember, you are both made up of body, soul and spirit.
First of all, you need to get to know each other well spiritually. Then you want to be able to share in your souls: your emotions, your likes and dislikes, etc..
Only then are you ready to join in body.
Many today do that backwards, and start with the body. It really ends up messing up a relationship. That mess up can be healed, but it does carry its pain.
2007-04-09 07:12:56 · answer #9 · answered by Mr Ed 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Your in a tough spot, because I was in the same situation back in 1993. I was very intimate with my girlfriend. At that time, like you I was renewing my relationship with the Lord. But what happened was the more and more I went to church and started seeking the Lord. Distance begin to come between me and my girlfriend. I knew that it was the Holy Spirit working to seperate us. As far as once you sleep with someone you are married to them? No, you have become joined with them in spirit and become one flesh, but God does not recognize it as a lawful marriage. It falls under the category of sexual immorality. If has to be under what terms God deems as a lawful marriage for it to be recognized by Him. No wedding ring, no real marriage. But, if you are going to stay with God, then you will see things begin to show up which will bring seperation between you and your boyfriend. Moreover, if you decide to stay with him, he will be a vessel by which the devil will work through to destroy you or bring you back into bondage, now that the enemy sees you are trying to get close with God again. It's not that easy. It does not matter if your boyfriend does not understand. My girl friend didn't understand it either, but I have to give God the first priority in my life above all things.
2007-04-09 07:19:32 · answer #10 · answered by super saiyan 3 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Wow, I know your perdictiment. I would have to say that the state of marriage is Law. Once Jesus died for our sins, living in and strictly by Law was no longer necessary, but you should still try. You may very well be married in your heart, but you do also have to be married legally. You recognize that if you continued having premartial sex you may be sinning. This is terrific! But it would be rather hard to up and stop making love with your boyfriend. I would not not mention your concerns to him because you are worried about upsetting him. If he truly loves you and he recognizes that this is a concern of yours he should try to understand. When my husband and I were dating we both wanted to wait until we were married to have sex. It was hard but it was very important to both of us. We made it. Of course, you two have already been intimate, making it a lot harder. I would talk to the Lord about it and talk to your boyfriend. Good luck!
2007-04-09 07:21:55 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋