The PAST is ruining my relationship....?

Question

I've known my boyfriend for 8 yrs.. But we've only been together for 2 months.... So he pretty much knows everything about me.. Let's just say I was permiscuous in High School and he is starting to trip over it and he is also having trust issues.. He's been cheated on and he knows that I've cheated in my past relatioships...I am in love with this guy and I would never cheat on him.. I tell him this over and over... But it still seems to be a problem.. Is it going to take time for him to trust me?? How can I be understanding..? but then at the same time I've NEVER gave him a reason to not trust me.. So it's driving me crazy when he tell me stuff.. I've never had such a strong feeling for anyone in my life I love him alot and I would never hurt him.... It hurts me when he dosen't trust me because I'm not doing anything wrong! What can I say or do to help him get over the past and start trusting me??

Answer 1

Its really not alot you can do but what you can do is let him know how much it hurts that he is behaving this way towards you.

Its not fair that he does this, you were young and young people make mistakes, your a totally different person now and you know now that how you behaved in the past isn't who your choosing to be today.

Honestly if he has issues with your past you might need to reaccess your relationship with this guy...its really not fair that he is doing this to you.

Everyone has a past...don't apologize for your mistakes, I'm sure he made a few himself, you are who you are today because of your past and if he can't accept that then he needs to find another girlfriend.

Answer 2

Well, when I first read your headline there I thought you were going to be talking about something different:) I've seen problems when someone goes out of one relationship right into the next, because they end up dumping the problems from their last relationship on the new person instead of dealing with it while single... Now, the problem you're having sounds like he has a problem with your past. He's being mean and hurtful, unless he can stop when you ask him to the first time, I don't see him stopping at all, so I would suggest you break up with him before it gets worse... Good luck!

Answer 3

I think he will never be able to trust you...He knows too much and he is not the type to take take the past and let it go....This has nothing to do with you but you can't make him trust you....It is about him.. Also you need to take a calm break and think of his actions, and besides LOVE does he treat you well? Obviously when the jelousy hits it does something to the relationship...It will continue to get worse or he will hold it in and explode. You may wish to have the most serious talk with him and at this time it may be the beginning of the end...And you should not look back...You have been friends a long time and you need to do what is important for your friendship because it obviously not working out in a relationship..Good luck.

Answer 4

Yes it might take time for him to trust you. I would do things that will send out the signals for his trust. Show him how much you love him and as for being understanding, I would say that you should schedule a time when you both can sit down together in a quiet private place and talk. Let him tell you everything he feels and is thinking, really listen to him and answer any questions he has or explain any mistaken things. Get everything explained and interpreted. Then ask him to kindly listen to you and tell him everything from your side. I have found that if they are willing to listen and work on things then the relationship will get better.Hope this enough help and good luck.

Answer 5

I'm in the SAME situation, only I'm the guy (basically in your boyfriend's shoes). I can assure you that you can't really do anything but what you've been doing. What it boils down to is him actually making the choice to change his mind and accept and trust you. As long as you're honest and understanding, you've done your part in this issue with him. But it's his problem, and he has to find a way to break through it. The only advice I can give you is to just be patient and understanding if you truely love this guy. Let me tell you, he is probably just as upset at himself for feeling this way about you as you are. He probably asks himself the SAME questions - why can't I trust her ... she's never hurt me ... all that stuff, but he can't help but think about things and feel the way he does. Time heals all wounds and hopefully can heal up the wounds of his past relationships.

Good luck and stay strong.

Answer 6

Though you are right you havent done anything to your current boyfriend he has seen you cheat on past boyfriends which he is going to think you said all the same stuff to. I think it will just take time for him to trust you. my advice untill then don't put yourself in situations where he might suspect something is happening. girls night out at the bar or hanging out alone with your guy friends. it might sound like you are giving up things that are perfectly natural but if you want your relationship to work those are the types of sacrifices you need to make. or talk to your boyfriend about it. say that you think its ridiculous that he thinks youre going to cheat. tell him the stress he is putting on you is hurting the relationship and the 2 of you need to figure out what you can do to get past it. If neither of you can come up with a solution you are probably better off letting it go and moving on as it is only going to make things bad between you.

I have gotten over this with an ex i cheated on. I told her it was a mistake blah blah blah and it took a long time but we are great now and have been together for 3 years since so hopefully you can work it out too.

Good Luck

Answer 7

It seems like this guy likes you alot. His actions seem to be those of someone trying to protect themselves from getting hurt. He needs assurance that your not going to hurt him especially where he's been cheated on in the past. Tell him how you feel, like you told in the question and tell him that all you can do to prove that your not doing anything is really just telling him that your not. Your word is all you got. Theres no other way- he's not going to like follow you around 24/7. He needs to trust you from the start of this relationship. So it would be good for you to resolve it now and not wait for him to eventually trust you. You have been a faithful friend to this guy for the past 8 years... you can mention that to him.

Answer 8

you have given him a reason to not trust you. Your past relationships you have cheated. On top of that he has been cheated on. But If you really want him to trust you you have to be 110% honest with him and give it some time. 2 months isnt really that long. I would suggest being extra informative. Let him know where your at all the time. Don't let him ever wonder where you are. Even thou you wouldnt cheat on him his mind will play tricks on him

Answer 9

He has good reason to be wary of you. Once a cheater always a cheater. It's doesn't matter if you have not cheated on him, your moral character has already shown the capacity to cheat on boyfriends.

Do you have any idea the percentage of women who have cheated that said "I would never cheat on you"? It's 100%.

There isn't anything you can do other than not give him a reason to doubt, stop harping on it and give him time to learn to trust.

If this doesn't work out, I suggest that you not tell you next boyfriend of your past even if he asks (not that you did this time).

Answer 10

ooooooo, tough situation, i have a few things to say. Show this guy that he is your one and only man in the world, like purposely have him read a private note saying that you would never cheat on him or something like an email, leave it on the computer for him to see. Or you can watch a romantic movie with him and every time something romantic happens, look at him like you love him more than any other person in the world. Also, you could have him hear you talking on the phone with someone saying how much you love him. that might work. I have used these before and they worked for me. Or do something trustworthy for him like something simple like saying you will do something and following through with that thing. Or surprise him with a thoughtful present like if he likes baseball then get him game tickets. I really hope that i helped. Thanks for reading! Hope you and your love will stay together.