Here is/was the situation: I had been dating this guy for 3 months up until yesterday and was really liking him. We've had it out with each other because we are both strong/passionate individuals yet we have been working through the kinks to get to know each other. Well the night I met him I had a girlfriend of mine who I've known 5 months with me. She tells me yesterday after 3 months of knowing him he tried to hit on her the first night I met him. I questioned why it took her so long to tell me and she says " She didn't think it was a big deal and she didnt know how to tell me".
I went off on her because I felt that night she should have told me not 3 months later after him and I have been talking and....
I tell the guy we are done because he didnt tell me nor mention it as well. I felt betrayed by both because there have been times his boys and mine met up and they never seem to mention it. I
Did I act correctly or did I overact
2007-04-09 05:40:49 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i would say you overreacted. he doesn't owe you an explanation as to who he hit on before you were dating. and besides he only hit on her it's not that big of a deal. i don't think your friend necessarily had to tell you because it's not like he was your boyfriend at the time.
2007-04-09 05:44:34 · answer #1 · answered by JM 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm afraid you might have over reacted hun. If it was on the first night that you met then there was no real commitment to your relationship yet, and a single guy will test the waters; It's their nature. If you are worried that he did not come forward with this it may be for exactly the reason that you stated. If your relationship is based between two strong personalities he may have been reluctant to upset the balance.
My verdict. Don't act too rashly. If he has been loyal the 3 months don't condem him for talking to someone before you were a real item.
Would you act the same if it had been the night before.
2007-04-09 05:49:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You overreacted with both but especially with him.
It's not his fault and he didn't do anything wrong. He probably hit on her before you, even if it was the other way around he did nothing wrong. It wasn't his duty to tell you since nothing happened. It was also not in his best interest to not tell you. Why in the world do you think he should have? That is absurd.
Now your girlfriend is a different matter. It was her duty to tell you the detail right away so you could have decided to go out with him or not. Even so you went overboard with her too. It's not like she was your life long friend and best buddy. I could easily she why she wouldn't tell you too.
You need to apologize to him, you were very wrong. If you still want him, hope you didn't screw things up. Next time think first, react second. It works better in that order.
2007-04-09 05:49:06 · answer #3 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you overreacted. Yes, it would be hard not to feel jealous, however all of this happened the same day you met him. He (and she) had no obligation to tell you that, as you were not exclusive or even dating at the time. It would be similar to a guy walking up to you and saying "Hey, can I buy you a drink? And by the way, I've hit on 3 other women tonight besides you..."
And your friend didn't say anything because it really wasn't that big of a deal. He obviously chose to pursue you and not her, so I don't think there was any betrayal.
2007-04-09 05:46:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Overreact is an understatement for what you did. WOW!
No one betrayed you. You and this guy just met. You were not in a relationship. He could hit on anyone he wanted. He had no obligation to you. You had no obligation to him.
He may have hit on her but she obviously said no. No betrayal there either. Matter of fact, sounds like a pretty good friend. As far as her telling you? So what. He wasn't your boyfriend. She didn't say yes. She didn't even consider it a big deal.
Are you always this explosive?
2007-04-09 05:49:00 · answer #5 · answered by JB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry. As a guy I tell you that it is instinctive to hit on as many girls as we can, simply because girls turn you down a lot. Just like you have to throw a rock a lot of times to hit a faraway object.
Maybe you don't understand because you are not a guy, but I can tell you that it is not a big deal because I do it. I might love a girl with all my heart, but if I am not 100% sure that she likes me with the same passion, I don't stop looking for other girls.
2007-04-09 05:57:27 · answer #6 · answered by Ariel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You totally over re-acted! So what if he hit on her? Did he know you at the time? Was he dating you at the time? If the answer is no to any of those, it doesn't matter if he did or not. He's dating you now, not her. And so what if she didn't tell you? She's right. It isn't a big deal.
Look, bite your tongue. Apologize for over re-acting & promise you'll talk to him about things before jumping to a conclusion again.
2007-04-09 05:47:04 · answer #7 · answered by gi_jane_kicks_ass 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not here to say that your reacted correctly or overreacted, but a little perspective please. You have known all of these people for a max of what...5 months? You're barely getting to know these people (and they you) and you think they are going to be lifelong trusted companions? You are just learning what kind of people they are. If you are a teenager....get over it and make up with your friends, at least your girlfriend told you eventually, but be aware of what kind of friend she'll be. If you are a grown up...decide for yourself if you want to surround yourself with this type of people or if you need to give them a chance to become better friends.
2007-04-09 05:48:40 · answer #8 · answered by Calli G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it was the first night he met you so yes you did over react. He was just trying to meet or hook up with other people. Go talk to him and tell him what you are saying right now. I'm sure he will understand.
2007-04-09 05:45:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think instead you could have asked the girl is has done it since... and he no then thought I guess he decided on the better of the two of us. And if you wanted to bring it up to him then it would have been better to have just asked if he still has any feelings that way towards your friend and took it from there.
I think you over reacted because of Jealousy -- but your not the only one who does these things so don't worry about it.
And remember that he chose to date you not her.....
2007-04-09 05:47:09 · answer #10 · answered by Okaydokay21 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋