HELP????????? Please?????

Question

My Father is very sick....I am so sad. He has many ailments with no available cures. I so wish it was me instead of him. I have cried off and on for over 14 hours...don't believe I can cry anymore...I had to leave his hosipital bed last night, I was so upset and did not want him to know. Life is so unfair....I only hope I die first...for if I don't....and something happens to my Father...I will join him. There is no way I can go on w/o the person I have known all my life...I love him so much. Nothing in this life is fair and I wish I had never been born..then I would not be hurting. I think back on times I may have gotten too angry with him for not taking his meds properly and I feel so badly about stuff like that....or when he would not eat...or would not wanna keep his dr. appt...etc...."Life after birth...is hell on this Earth!"....I sooo hope I go to sleep tonight and never awaken.

If I did not love him so and already in fear of losing him...I wouldn't have gotten so angry, due his intentionally not taking meds...not wanting to keep appts..etc..

Answer 1

Im so sorry to hear about what you are going through, death is one of the most difficult things we have to learn to deal with in this life unfortunately.

We all have an appointed time here on earth, and if its his time to go then it is, the same as with everyone else. This life we have on this planet is only a transision before our conciousnesses head off to another world. So death is not really the end. At least thats what I believe.

You have to try to be strong and pull through this hard time, it must seem like your world is falling apart, but its best to try to be around people that are close to you to get support, you should not be dealing with this on your own. Suicide is not the answer, it only causes more suffering and pain for those you leave behind or depend on you.

All the best.

Answer 2

There's two issues to address here. The first is your father. Do you remember when you were growing up and he was there for you through thick and thin? Well, now it's your turn. Love is two way street. I had to do that with my own family when my uncle was dying. My cousin said, " I can't stand to see him like that!". I politely asked her the same question. I advised her that every moment while he is alive is precious and that love will even grow stronger just knowing you are there for him to prepare for his journey.(After all, he's been there for you).\ Secondly, (in general) children are not supposed to pre-decease their parent. Can you imagine how he would feel if he knew you committed suicide? The last thing a terminal patient wants to hear is that that his child committed suicide because she/he couldn't handle the grief. That's one more agony on top of what he's already going through.

Suicide is not the answer. Like the other answers before me, it is extremely cruel to those you leave behind, dramatically altering their lives forever. I had a fiance commit suicide when I was 17, it took 10 years before I became a person again. Fortunatly, I did a lot of studying on death and dying and went through another experience in which my beloved Grandmother died in my arms from a abdominal aortic aneursym. What an honor! I promised I'd walk with her until the end and she would NOT be alone. I kept my promise, and then went out and received training to work with hospice and the terminally ill. I had found what I'm here for.

My suggestion to you is remember love is the bottom line. Love for your father and love for yourself. Tell him this. Believe me, they know your presence even if they are in a coma or unconscious. Spend as much time as possible with him. Most people don't want to die alone. If you can't be with him, look up your local hospice or if he's in a hospital, see if they have a palliative care team. They do the same thing as hospice does, only it is in the hospital for in-patients. All these people are highly trained and know how to deal with the patient as well as their families. It is the most rewarding experiences of my life and continues to be.

Good luck to you. Be kind to your mind, body and spirit. Email me if you want to talk or ask any questions ([e-mail]).

Jeanne

Answer 3

You have to go through the steps1.Denial 2.ANGER 3.Bargaining 4.Depression 5.Acceptance. You are at the anger & depression stages.Go to ur Dr. you may need antidepressants or some type of antianxiety meds. Suicide is never the answer only time will heal all things. I just lost my mom to cancer march 3,2007 & i held her hand during her last breath. 10 days later my brother walked down the street & had a heart attack, I did CPR until the EMTs arrived but I knew he had passed-but i kept trying. My dad is 78 works 4 days a week & hads an aneurysm on his aorta that cannot be fixed--So i know your pain. But it's hard to watch someone u love die. I always think their in a better place free of pain. good luck sweetie-see ur Dr. really lots of love DonnaP

Answer 4

Well, its been a week since you wrote your question so I dont know how your father is right now but I sure can feel for you. I felt the same about my parents. My mother suffered for so long and it tore at my very soul. When she died I had a very hard time learning how to live without her. She was my best friend. My only friend really. But, life did go on and I believe she would want me to have the best of everything even after she dies. I believe in eternal life too which helps me too because I know I will see her again someday. And yes, I agree, if there is a hell it is here on earth but there is a reason for all of us to be here and there will be comfort for all of us someday.

Answer 5

you shouldn't feel that way. it was only because you cared, why you were angry with him for not trying to help his self. and i'm quite sure he knows that caring was the reason behind that. listen nothing lasts forever we all are just passing through, instead of being angry or sad just spend a lot of quality time with your dad and tell him every chance you get that you love him. and as far as "you" not wanting to go on thats not of god thats of satan. tell your father to ask our lord for forgiveness and say prayers with him or to him this way you'll know that if he leaves he'll be going to a better place and by you doing those things i mentioned you will feel satisfied at knowing you did the sweetest thing a son can do. and he will appreciate it more than you know. i know the thought of you losing him hurts you deeply. but i think it would hurt him more to know that you're having thoughts of harming yourself if something was to happen to him. he's lived his life and the reason for your life is to carry on the life he gave you. so don't be selfish! do at least that much for your dad. may god bless you and your father and look over the both of you at this time. ( BE STRONG -HANG IN THERE)

Answer 6

It's been a week, and I hope that you and your Father are alright. I was so touched by your story. It made me cry for you. My parents are 88 and 84 and they have they problems too. I know one of these days tha they will be gone and the thought of it makes me so sad and depressed. Please don;t kill yourself. Just be by your Dad's side and tell him often that you love him and you'll see him again. Say a prayer that God will be with him and give you strength to endure this pain. I hope you do believe in God. Our life on this Earth is short. We really only start to live after we die. Then, there is no pain, only a life of happeness. I feel your pain and I know you think life's not worth living if he dies, but it is. Your Dad wouldn't want you to kill yourself. He'll see in again when God says it's your turn. Just be with Dad and comfort him. Then at least you can say you were there to help him go to the otherside. Good luck sweetie. You'll be in my prayers.

Answer 7

I understand that u are scared to death at the thought of losing ur dad and u can't bare the thought of going on without him. I wish I had all the right words to say but I know that I don't!! My heart goes out to you!! Do not feel bad that you have gotten angry at your dad for not taking better care of his illness. Like u already know ..u were angry because you love him. If your dad doesn't survive his illness, keep in mind that inside you is part of your dad, and as long as u go on then so does ur dad. There are probably lots of things that ur dad wanted to do in his life that illness has stopped him from doing, he has you to finish those dreams for him and then start your own. You were born for a reason and you need to find out that reason if you haven't figured it out already. Its ok to be sad and hurt. However it's not ok to want to die if your father does. Be strong for ur dad and than continue on for your dad. Since I know YOu love him so very much than you know that you must deal with this and let him go with dignity and in peace knowing he has a child to carry on his memory. You will have a child someday and think about what you would want them to do if something happened to you!! You must be strong, and know it's ok to hurt but it's not ok to take your life. I hope that you have other family that you can turn too, I'm sure they need you right now as much as you need them. Someday you will meet someone and fall in love and have your own kids and you can tell them all about your dad, you can't do that tho if you take your life! Make ur dad proud!!! Also say a prayer for ur dad and urself. Let God take away the pain that you can't handle!!

Answer 8

I feel so sad for you right now. Know this though: wishing you would die is NOT the answer. Think about how your father would feel if he knew you were thinking this way - would he want this for you? You are your father's legacy, and who will carry on for him if you were to commit suicide or give up and die? Mourning is a natural feeling, and you're compassion for your father is amazing. Death and dying are part of the life process, and though it is difficult to accept them for that, we all must do so. If you are seriously suicidal, please seek the help of a licensed professional - someone who can walk you through your thoughts and help you cope with what you are going through. Your father would be much more proud of you for carrying on than for killing yourself. Life is a celebration and a gift, and it only shows carelessness when we opt to throw it away. Please know that you are in my prayers, and that you are a worthwhile person. Cherish the wonderful times you had to spend with your father, and keep those thoughts to guide you through this time of your life. Look at your father's death as a release from the pain he is in. God know's when it's time for us to go home. Now isn't your time.

Answer 9

hi , I've really been upset when i read Ur text . U know i think u don't need any help from others , No doctors . u should help yourself , i agree that this world is Not good But it's better than nothing . remember that you are alive and when you're alive , you can change things .First of all ask god for help to cure your dad . and then try to make him feel happy.u know how to make him happy more than us . But the thing I'm sure about it is that he will be really happy if you would have a good life . i pry for him to be fine soon . take care , babye

Answer 10

From your statements, i understand that you suffer more than your father. Believe with your whole heart, that your father is going to be alright soon, whatever the physicians may say. Now the first duty is to get all medicines what your father needs. And pray to God to help you. No man can comfort you and atleast a prayer will help. Bible says in James 5:16,"Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."