does this kind of a relationship have a future?

Question

i am a young man aged 31 and have been in a love relationship for 2 years with this girl who is 25, and i wonder if this relationship ever going to work, we have had sevaral fights right from the start because she likes to go out a lot with friends that i hardly know, and whenever she goes out the following morning i hear nusty things of her from the previous night, and to prove that i once went to a disco where she usually likes to go without my concern and found her in the company of another man and there were shocked to see me there, apart from that she has lied to me several times and we have broken up more than 10 times as i speak, my worry is, whenever this happens i am the one going after her and never the opposite, does this mean i am so stuped to notice that this not going any further? To add to that nobody from my side likes her be it my family, my friends and they have told me several times to find a better girl but i am so resistant to that. What can i do?

Answer 1

I am gonna tell you what your friends and family have been telling you even though I am not sure if you will listen. This girl is out to have a good time and is in no way ready to value and accept a committed relationship with you or with any one else. I would say you are wasting your time thinking there is any chance for a happy future with her. But we all can say this to you a million times, and a million times you will not "hear" it. To "hear" it means, you no longer are blind to her ways, you are no longer in denial, you are no longer accepting crumbs, and instead want to be happy and appreciated. Until then we can only hope that one day you will take the blinders off and realise you are worth more than what she gives to you. I do hope you end up doing what is right for you. Best of luck to you!

Answer 2

Even though 6 yrs apart is not a huge age difference when you're an adult, your gf while 25 is still hung up on the party life style, while most 30 yrs old I know, male or female, are more ready to settle down! If the two of you are in a committed relationship, I don't think she should be partying with other males! It doesn't sound like she's ready to settle down with...or anyone else for that matter...and regardless of whether she loves you or not, there's nothing you can do to make her give up that lifestyle...she's going to have to decide she's ready to grow up! I don't think this relationship is very healthy. Breaking up 10 times is not a good start! And you're right...she's not chasing you....because she's figured out that she can screw up and do whatever she wants and you'll take her back anyway! You know you deserve someone who will appreciate and respect you and want to spend time with you, not partying with their buddies all the time! Your family is right....it's time to let this one go! I know you're resistant, but when you finally do, you'll wonder what took you so long!!!

Answer 3

I think pretty well you have answered your own question, only I don't think you are facing up to the inevitable. How can this relationship possibly last with all the things you have mentioned. Perhaps you are just so used to the person and the situation that you are afraid to step out of it and look at what is going on in the real light of day. If you choose to live your life the way you have been doing then it is obvious that it will continue in the way it has. You will never have any real trust and a relationship that is not built on trust is certainly doomed. I think sometimes we need to hear it from other people, rather than just to follow our own inner feelings. Breaking up with someone that you are so used to is not easy, but once you make a positive decision and take it one day at a time you will survive. Good luck.

Answer 4

The ages shouldn't make a difference, but your maturity levels are obviously very far apart. You sound like you want this relationship to work, but she sounds like she just wants to have fun and run around with other guys behind your back. While flirting isn't cheating, if she had a clear conscious, she would've been surprised to see you, but not shocked. She can go out and have fun without you hearing rumours about what she got up to the next day. After two years she should have enough respect for you to behave herself.

You can wait for her to grow up, but you might have a long wait. I'd go to her and give her an ultimatum - if she's not willing to commit to this relationship and grow up, then you're moving on. And then do so. Cut off all contact with her, and start dating other women. She might then realise what she's lost, but I wouldn't expect her to come crawling back. Move on and find someone who is on the same page as you.

Answer 5

Yes, you are STUPID! See how I spelt it! Thats how you spell it.

Anyways, along to your question. She, obviously hasn't grown up and matured yet. So the choice is yours to make. Are you going to deal with this maturity issue and try to make it work. If you do that, you are going to end up heartbroken. The other choice you have is to end it now. Yes, it is going to hurt...A LOT. But man, its worth the pain now than later. You will be worrying all the time what she's doing and whats going on. You will be miserable, then one day, she is going to just outright dump you. Then you, being the man who doesn't know crap when it comes to break up, are going to chase her, annoy her, ruin every chance you ever had of getting back together with her, and probably even get a restraining order.

Dump her now, and NEVER chase the girl unless it is you who has done something wrong!

Answer 6

She's no good. She's not ready to settle down, and the fact that you're not interested in going out with her enables her the freedom to mingle inappropriately with other men without the risk of being caught. Move on. I doubt it will take you long to get over her, as it seems pretty obvious that you recognize you are not meant to be together..

Answer 7

First, no relationship based on lies can last long. Second, relationship survives when both parties are ready to compromise. Third, it does not matter who likes your partner or not if you two have faith on each other and you two really love each other, respect each other. It can't be one-way forever. If you too dont like her and she does not respect your emotions, I think I don't need to tell you what to do. If you like her, and she too likes you but is failing to compromise, talk to her your concerns frankly. A solution will come up.

Answer 8

if you feel unconfortable with her
then let go her.........
its the adjustment in both that can keep you together throughout the life, if that is lacking in the early stages then it might be difficult in the latter stages.

usually in love , in the beginning life is smooth and later it get rough as life enters reality.
but in your case the life seems to be rough in the beginning itself.
its not a good to keep fighting and hiding things from each other.trust is not there now itself

its your life take a good decision since you are young now
so that you dont suffer n regret in future........................

Adjustment should be with you specially and then go along with your parents or life will seem worse than hell

take care

Answer 9

Wake up, dude, it is time to smell the coffee. Do you like being walked all over and used? Do you like being lied to and cheated on? If you answer yes, then stay in this relationship...it's perfect for you. Otherwise, ask yourself why are you still with her? It doesn't sound like you have much in common. Do what you want to do, but this sounds totally unhealthy to me!

Answer 10

First of all you are not stupid. You just care about her too much. That girl takes you for granted.My opinion is to give her some space and stop chasing her. Relax and stop being so easy going. Make her chase you. Show her that you have some selfishness.