My 21 yr old son told me he plans to get an apartment with his girlfriend. How do I help?

Question

I am a little emotional over this because I raised him by myself thru turmoil you would not believe. I would rather he work, live at home, and get a college degree, but he has fallen head over hills for this girl and she is very nice from what I can see.
What can I do to help him? I already offered him my livingroom furniture since he doesnt own a dish towel much less furniture. It gives me an excuse to buy new stuff.
I am afraid the rent is too high. Also, how long is the standard apartment lease?

They both work at Walmart. I am also sure he was a virgin before her. He is wooed by the sex.
I just can see him financially drowning.

Answer 1

This is hard for any mother. You have to stand back and pray he doesn't throw his life down the tubes. You never know maybe this girl will give him motivation to be something. But he has to learn on his own the value of a dollar. He has to grow up and pay some rent. Of course, you can give him some hand me downs. I mean my parents did that for me. They gave me some pots and pans and stuff to start out with.
He may be wooed by the sex, but you can't stop him from doing this.
Most places that you rent the standard lease is 13 months, however, it is possible to rent for 6 month leases. You just have to shop around. Depending on the area that you live in depends on the rent amount. If they both work at Wal-mart they can probably afford to pay their bills, etc.
I know this is hard just hang in there. Things have a way of working themselves out.

Answer 2

He's not your baby anymore. He's a man of 21 and he can do what he wants now. The best way to learn how to make it on your own is just to go out there and try. Most leases are a year. This might work out for the best. I left college and got married very young. After struggling and working a series of dead end jobs, I got off my butt and went back to school to make a better life for myself. When my husband tried to stand in my way, I moved back home with my parents until I got my degree.
I think offering the living room furniture was a wonderful idea. Enjoy buying new stuff for yourself and hope for the best.

Answer 3

Standard lease is about 1 year. Is he working now or going to school?

I moved into an apartment with my boyfriend when I was 21. He had just finished college and I was in my last year. We lived together for 5 years and then got married. We've been very happy together.

It sounds like your concern is more that he is not going down the track that you thought he would. He can live with his girlfriend and go to college at the same time. Or is that something he doesn't want to do?

My parents did give me some of their old items that they didn't need. Pots and pans, kitchen items. As for furniture we went to yard sales and got a bunch of stuff. Then gradually as we could afford it we bought our own things.

If they are both working it will give them some responsibility and hopefully teach them about finances and budgeting. I know it did for me. :)

Good luck to you!

Answer 4

The doctor took an X-ray? Why would he do that? I can't imagine a doctor taking an X-ray of an adolescent girl's belly, on the outside chance that she might be pregnant, which could potentially harm the fetus. Or did you mean an ultrasound? Even so.... What advice would you like? You raised your kids to think premarital sex was OK, and a 12 year old's brain isn't capable of making rational decisions or evaluating consequences. You don't argue with a 12 year old anyway. You need some professional family counseling to help you figure out who's in charge.

Answer 5

well I know my mom was most upset when I left home. It might have something to do with moving over 4 thousand miles away.
You have to let your son make his own decisions. That is the only way he will learn. AND if he falls down along the way, just be there to help him back up. YOU have to have faith in yourself that you have taught him the right things in life. I am sure he will be fine.
the standard lease runs for 1 year.
Don't you worry about his rent or their bills. He is now an adult and if they thought that they could not afford the rent I am sure they would not live there. You have to trust in your son and his judgment now.
You raised him - that was the easy part. Now its time to let him go into the world on his own.
Although my children are not ready to leave home ( I am sure I will be a mess when they do) I have a hard time every year on the first day of school. I am in tears because there go my babies one year older, one year closer to independance.
so HUGS to you. I think you will both be fine.

Answer 6

The biggest thing to help them out would probably be help with the security deposits and turn-on fees. The leases usually run around either 1 year, or 6 months in this part of the country.

Be sure that the utilities are not in your name though. This will not only give him some responsibilities, but will also establish payment histories for him.

Be sure that he understands that it is all the little details that will creep in and bite him. I remember back in my first apartment, when I was surprised to find that things like mustard, salt, and toilet paper do not appear by magic...someone actually has to buy these things.

Answer 7

I dread this day myself! When I moved out, my parents really did nothing for me as far as financial. They were always only a phone call away and I used that priviledge every chance I got. But I think overall their lack of financial support really made me responsible and able to stand on my own two feet. Of course if I ever was in a pinch, they helped me (my rent money was stolen once when I was 22 and my dad sent me the money to help which I paid right back). This is however your child and the relationship between a mother and a child is very personal. Help him how you want to and as much as it has to hurt, he's all grown up now and living with a girl is a part of it these days. Be thankful that he's found a nice girl, they're not all nice!

Answer 8

Let him do it. Once he moves in and see how tough it really is, he'll be running back to you to finish out college and live with you a little longer. I'm 21 years old and pregnant. My boyfriend and I were living together for the past year and yes, it was very tough. When I got pregnant, my mom and I were more than happy for me to move back in. Even though my boyfriend and I are still togerh (been together for 4 1/2 years) we still see each other and work it out that sometimes you can't always get what you want right away and we have to work up to moving out cause at this point...we're really not ready to be able to afford rent for the both of us....maybe he just doesn't understand how much it truly costs.

Answer 9

well u didn't say where u r located so the lease thing is hard to answer. most landlords will want a 1 yr lease but there is places dat go month by month. as for furniture and stuff there is an easy solution. there is a website that is for FREE stuff called freecycle.....http://www.freecycle.org/.....we found a lot of furniture there for my stepson, they r listed by countries and states, then find the group closest to you. that will be a BIG help to get set up. however let him do the work, don't do it all for him, maybe when he realises all it takes he will feel more comfortable hanging around a bit longer........... good luck

Answer 10

So far offering to help with furniture is good, perhaps helping with security deposit, first months rent. Most leases run 12 months. Be very welcoming and nice to the young woman he's chosen, she may very well end up his wife and/or mother of your grandchild. Be happy they care about each other and want to make a go of it. It's time for your son to be a man and move on with his life.