about my moms stroke , she is dying.. i just want to know what to expect from the stroke .. shes on morphine?

Question

i dont want to save her .. its her time .. lung cancer since oct. of 06.. she 82 .. hospice pat. dont wanna save her , lord knows shes been though enought .. just want to expect , if any thing

Answer 1

I echo what Susan said. The nurses at the hospice where my mother died told us to tell her that it was okay to let go, that being told that makes it easier for the dying person. They also told us to hold her hand and tell her we loved her, over and over, even when we thought she couldn't hear us, because dying people can often hear and understand long after they are otherwise unresponsive. They had us bring in tapes of her favorite music.

The last time I saw her when she responded with pleasure, her grandson (my nephew) went to the hospice about three days before the end with his classical guitar and told her what pieces he was working on and then played them for her as best he could. She obviously really enjoyed that. And she spoke her final words to him that day, "wonderful, wonderful!"

My mom went a bit faster than the nurses expected, so we were not with her at the end -- we'd gone home to get a few hours of sleep, and the phone call telling us it was over came at about 2am. We knew it was coming, but it still hurt more than anything else I have ever experienced. That was nine years ago, and I still started crying just writing the last two sentences! Don't expect to "get over it"; I don't think one ever gets over the death of a parent. But the pain will lessen eventually. Not as soon as you think it will, unfortunately.

One thing that helped me when my beloved aunt died a bit more recently was to put together a memorial letter to send to her friends. We took a picture of her and the obit from the paper and scanned them, then added a letter telling of her last days and remembering a few of the most important things about her life. (It was a struggle to get it all on one page.) I ran off about 100 copies of this letter and sent to everyone in her address book, most of them people I didn't know. I got back the most wonderful letters thanking me for sending this memorial letter and telling me things I hadn't known about my aunt, adding to my already deep appreciation of how marvelous a person she was.

My sympathy on your upcoming loss. Don't be afraid to cry as much as you need to! <<<<>>>>

Answer 2

I think it depends on the level of damage caused by the stroke. My grandfather was in a wheelchair for about for or five months after his first stroke, he couldn't use his right hand at first but he worked at it and got to where he could do some things like feed himself. He couldn't hold his bladder, he held his bowels pretty good considering the situation, only an accident maybe once every one or two weeks. He studdered sometimes, he knew everything that was going on around him. Then when he had another one, he started studdering really bad, nobody could understand what he was saying we still don't know how much he could understand from us. That only lasted a couple of weeks at the most. The funny thing is for about six months before he died he would always say he was going to die around christmas, and even until that last day he was so excited about christmas time. he couldn't wait for it. He died december 22nd and said he saw five angels. I really believe he saw them too, everybody there believed it. There was just something about the way he looked at them, we just KNEW it was real. He went very peacefully at the end and he was very glad to go. I'm sure it's not always the same for everyone, but in the end with the elderly, from my experience it always seems peaceful and they know for sure in their hearts they're going home. And they're ready for it. I hope your mom can have that kind of experience where she's totally at peace because in the end you will thank god for it. It's a great feeling knowing they are in a happier place. Wishing you and your family all the best and lots of blessings. Good luck, and don't worry she WILL be ok.

Answer 3

Sorry to hear you are about to lose someone close to you. I is great that she is in a hospice.

I have previously worked as an RN for Palliative Care.

Generally you wll see a steady decline in health and ability over time. She will start to eat less, take in less fluid and move around less.
She wll probably become bed bound - requiring bed sponges and pressure care to ensure she doesnt get pressure sores.
She may be given a catheter to make life easier and to help keep her dry.
She will be given morphine depending on her pain levels and also on her breathing. Morphine also works by helping to open up the lung passages and this makes patients more comfortable.
ONce she is unable to take any fluid/food by mouth she might be given a small morphine pump - this delivers a small dose continuously under the skin to keep her comfortable.
It would be unusual for her to be given an IV and pointless to keep her 'going' any longer than necessary.
Once she stops taking fluids by mouth it is getting really close. She may lose consciousness or go in and out of it. Her breathing may change - she may develop breathing patterns that are irregular having longer periods of no breaths.
Whilst she is having morphine it is likely that she will be feeling comfortable and it is meant to produce a state of euphoria.
Hearing is often the last thing patients lose so never assume that she cannot hear you or the nurses.
It is generally not scarey or horrble when people die - they just stop breathing and are still - nothing unpleasant happens and they are not usually gasping for breath. It is very calm and peaceful.
Hospice staff are usually excellent at their jobs and know intuitively what is going on. Ask them to keep you informed and advised as to what you can do for your mom.

Goodluck - I hope she has a good death and it is not too stressful for you

Answer 4

I was just in your spot last January with the loss of my mother from pancreatic cancer. Her last days were spent on a high dose of morphine. It was only about a week that she was on the high dose and seemed to be unconscious. Just keep reassuring her that she is loved and is safe and talk about some good memories. It is very hard to see a loved one suffer. I feel for you. after the state of unconsciousness, the breathing will change alot. and the skin will change and become blotchy and purple on the hands and feet...if her feet are blotchy, then time will be very short from there...towards the very end, she will experience breathing like a fish out of water..that usually lasts for about an hour and then she will pass, usually quietly. Just keep talking to her while she is still with you. Even tho you may think she cant hear you, she still does and needs your support. Blessings.

Answer 5

My prayers are with you at this time. I just buried my mother on Friday. She was also a cancer pat.and hospice and on morphine.As long as she is comfortable then I agree with letting her go. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. Are there any loved ones she may be waiting to see?? Thats what alot of elderly people do.once they have seen the true loved ones they can pass on. I even broke and told her it was okay to let go,because she had been fighting the fight for so long. You may have to tell her it's okay. Hope you well in the future.Susan

Answer 6

My Mom died of a sudden stroke back in 2000...at age 62. She wasn't ill leading up to it...it just happenned, she went into a coma within an hour, and then we were informed that she was going to die in a matter of days...it took 2 days.
Saving her wasn't an option unless they removed enough of her brain and she continued as a vegetable...not worth it.
Not sure if the comparison is valid to your situation...but I am sorry for what you're going through. I hope she goes peacefully...with the morphine, I'm sure she will when it's time.

Answer 7

It is very courageous of you to accept the fact that your mother is passing from this world. It is a heavy heart to bear knowing that there is nothing you can do.

Sit with her and talk to her even if she does not recognize that you are there. Remember the fond things that made the two of you and the rest of your family laugh. Relive them with her and laugh with her. Even through her pain, you will have given her back her fond memories, that may help to ease her transition.

Rejoice in knowing that she will no longer have to suffer in pain, and will no longer have to worry about the [evils] of this world.

May God Bless your mother and may the Lord be with you.

Answer 8

if she is in hospice now and on morhpine its only a matter of short time. she probably does not know whole alot. Its hard to sya what their mind is doing but she is not in any pain due to morphine. Its a sad road but will end soon.

Answer 9

I am sorry to hear that. At least you have some time with her.
My mom had a stroke one morning, while I was at work. My dad called me and I rushed home (2 hours away). I picked up my brother and grandfather and we went to the hospital. She was unconscious. An hour later, she was gone.

Take the time that she has left to be with her and tell her you love her and just spend time with her to show her you care and love her. Be thankful that you have the opportunity to "say your goodbyes".

Answer 10

Dear Queen,
I am very sorry to read the physical status of your mother. She has gone through a lot of pain, which cannot be put in words.
You will have to be steadfast on your decision and may God grant you the the courage to withstand at this moment of crisis, and the mammoth loss. Cannot write you further as I lost my mother too, in sheer agony.
Regards,
Dr. Qutub