Should I tell him???

Question

I contracted herpes about 4-5 years ago, and since then have only experienced 3 other 'breakouts'. I'm always careful not to expose my boyfriend to it when I have blisters, however, when I'm asymptomatic, I enjoy having sex with him - unprotected (don't fret, we've both been tested for HIV etc...). I've been informed by doctors that it is highly unlikely he'll catch it when I don't have blisters, however, part of me is always worried that he could.

I haven't told him about it because I felt it unnecessary seeing as it hardly ever affects me. But now I'm starting to think he ought to know...

What should I do? I don't want to lose him, but I don't want to lie to him either. I understand that herpes is serious because you can't cure it, but I hardly ever suffer with it and it's not exactly life threatening.

What should I do?

Answer 1

you really ought to have told him before ever sleeping with him but bit late for that now
you need to tell him if at any point he does get them it will be far worse to explain

Answer 2

Rachel, you already know the answer to this question! Yes, you should absolutely tell him. And tell him now, because if he finds out later, you are likely to lose him. Don't be afraid because if he cares about you, it should not be a problem. The only problem you might have is answering why you haven't told him yet. If he is mature enough he'll understand if you explain your reasoning/thinking. Explain that you were afraid of losing him and assure him that you now realize how wrong it was but that you, not for a moment, did it to deceive him but rather did it out of fear of losing him. On another note, the information that you retained about not being able to spread it unless you have blisters isn't 100% correct. Sorry, but herpes is an STD and STDs can be spread at any time. Not being able to see a blister doesn't always mean they aren't there. Herpes and HPV are tricky like that. In any case, please tell him. It would not be fair any other way. I wish you both the best of luck and hope, for your sake, that he is understanding and mature enough to deal with this. After all, you contracted it somewhere too. Take care and please, do tell. MsB.

Answer 3

Keeping this to yourself is seemingly putting a strain on yourself and maybe your relationship. If you will remain stressed by keeping this secret you should tell him. Tell him the facts about the disease and how he has little chance of being infected. Tell him you love him and you want to be honest. It's really up to you, you must live with yourself. Besides that I hope you are continuing to take care of yourself, genital herpes if from the HPV. HPV can lead to cervical cancer, so make sure you get the PAP smear test at least once a year (every six months is best). Good luck.

Answer 4

You honestly need to tell him for your sake and his sake, before it blows up in your face, because if he ends up with it he's going to think you cheated on him and caught it and that could end your relationship. Also you need to place the shoe on the other foot if he had anything and didn't tell you would you, would you be furious or just forgive him. He needs to know regardless of what you feel, he has the right to know that he could possibly catch herpes from you. He should have the right to decide whether or not he wants to continue a relationship with someone who doesn't care enough about him to make him aware of something that affects his health. Please tell him that's just as if he had aids (I know you said, you both had been tested, this is hypothetically speaking) and he slept with you wouldn't you be upset and feel betrayed. Trust me if you don't tell him this will blow up in your face.

Answer 5

I think you know what you SHOULD have done when you first met him and told him.
Now your beating yourself up mentally with anguish.
You have left it a bit late to tell him and now your left in a tricky situation that I dont think anyone on here can advise nor judge you.
I had a similar experiance where I put my partner at risk to Hep c which is life threatening!My partner and me were ok touch wood.But my mental anguish was unbearable.
All the best and kind regards.

Answer 6

you can pass the herpes virus even though you are not having symptoms..it's your duty to tell him you have herpes, its pretty deceiptful of you not to tell him..if he loves you he will understand but now that you have had sex with him and he doesnt know it may be hard for him to accept but he does have a right to know...i'm a nurse practioner for planned parenthood and i also have hsv type 2 and when i got involved with the person i am with now i was totally honest with him and he understood and just said we will just have to be a little extra cautious when we are together...it's not life threatning but who wants to live with this disease i know i didnt and i know you dont so he does have the right to know...there's no easy way in telling someone something like this, just simply sit down and tell him..and yeah he's going to be upset but honestly i would be to if you held it from him this long...please tell him oh and just to back up the person who stated about going to jail ..well, dear its true, its considered assault..knowing you have a disease and not telling him can get you into a whole world of hurt legally

Answer 7

Despite everything, honesty is the best policy. In the long run it's better he finds out now from you than in 5 years time from another source. Trust me that will be worse than telling him the truth now. The longer you leave it the worse it will get as he will see it as you can't confide in him. Tell him now and get it over and done with.

Answer 8

It would be best that you tell him. If he really loves and cares for you, he will understand if you tell him everything about the disease.

If you don't and things get a little deeper between you two and he finds out suddenly, it is going to be much worse.

Answer 9

You can go to jail for not telling him. 70% of people who contract herpes get it when their partner had no symptoms. Chances are, you've already given it to him. Not telling is a lie of the worst possible kind. You're witholding information that could affect him for the rest of his life, and honestly, thats an incredibly selfish and childish thing to do. If the situation were revesed, wouldn't you want to know? What are you going to do when he gets a breakout and figures out you gave him an std?

Answer 10

You have to tell him, If he loves you he will probably be ok with it but he deserves to know of the risk he is putting himself in by sleeping with you, (yes I know its not life threatening) but it is still a condition that he will be stuck with for the rest of his life, you owe it to him to let that be his choice. what would you do if he did catch it before you had told him?? he may think you have been cheating on him.
Plus if this man is the one you may want to have children down the line and you have to inform you dr and midwife if you have herpes as it can damage the babies eyes so you just cant keep it from him.
Good luck im sure it will be ok xx

Answer 11

You must tell him. In fact, you probably have a legal obligation to do it. Wait until a good time and tell him what your Dr. said, about how he'll likely be fine.

But you MUST let him know so he can decide how he wants to handle it. It's NOT fair otherwise. And you KNOW that.