Is it rude for a couple to ask for money donations instead of gifts for their wedding?

Question

My mate is getting married, but they've stated in their invitation cards that they'd rather have money donations to their honeymoon, instead of gifts. Isn't this a little rude and a bit greedy. I feel if they didn't want what people would bring, then they should just ask for nothing. What do you think?

Answer 1

yeah it is totally ignorant

Answer 2

To be honest it's not something I would do, but people all have different views on this subject judging my the different comments posted already. I don't think I would feel comfortable putting it on my invite, that seems a little inappropriate to me. However, if there is no gift list then people will ask what the couple would like as a wedding gift (believe me, this has happened to me, I am not registering and we have told people that have asked that we just want them to come to the wedding, but some people INSIST they bring something, in which case we are saying really inexpensive things like towels or bed sheets, things you can never have too many of) I suppose it is really down to how well the couple know the people attending, and if they think their guests will be offended. Like I said it is not something I would feel comfortable doing, it seems a little cheeky to me, but I would not be offended if I received an invite from someone else, they would still get a voucher to a value that I can afford, as long as they are aware that not everyone can afford a big donation.

Answer 3

I seem to have responded to this question time and time again on Yahoo Answers and my answer is always the same. Yes it really isn't very nice. I think it could be considered ok is if perhaps a couple had their house furnished, explained this and said should any one llike to mane a donation to a certain charity there would be a voluntary box at the wedding reception. In this way people would have the right to choose. If a couple have a house furnished and I was giving a present and they didn't have a list I would ask THEM if money was acceptable and this is what I would give. I wouldn't like them to think I wasn't making the effort to get them a gift. However I wouldn't like it if they asked me. Also you are not aware of everyone's financial circumstances and it can be most embarrassing. Perhaps someone got a gift at a sale and had already put this by for the couple or they wished to put it on a certain store card it is really putting guests in a diffcult position. Maybe with parents, brothers sisters it would be fine to discuss this with but not the ask the guests in general.

Answer 4

I think some people who have answered you question have go the wrong end of the stick. You state that they want money donations to their honeymoon not money to save or just spend it on crap.

These days most couples pay for their own wedding - and since people usually choose to buy or rent a house and live together before they marry they usually own a lot of kitchen appliances and things together.

So they plan and save for their wedding and realise how damn expensive it all is and they know they wont be able to afford the honeymoon of their dreams, so since they do not need anything for their home (ie toaster) they decide they would rather a guest donate the money they would have spent on the toaster into a honeymoon fund that they have set up or they could organise something through the travel agent involving holiday vouchers.

I would not be offended at all if someone proposed this, that way i know my gift is a part in making their honeymoon a wonderful and romantic experience that they will always remember and cherish. Not many people get to go on amazing holidays or travel the world, your honeymoon would be the perfect time to go away to a romantic hotel and be pampered in luxury- a once in a lifetime thing for a lot of us!

I think the key is being tactful, you do not want to make your guests feel uncomfortable or offended by this request.

Answer 5

It is no more rude than the usual tradition of including a card saying where they have registered for gifts on the invite.

What's unfair is that in this day and age people tend to pay for their own weddings, and then after shelling out thousands of pounds their guests resent giving money instead of unnecessary gifts (assuming they already live together). They'd obviously rather get a nice honeymoon than a new set of towels. Makes perfect sense to me.

If the bride's father pays, it's all a big gain for the couple, so maybe then I'd understand people complaining, but it tends not to work that way- they are probably shelling out their life savings for this day, so maybe you should be a little accomodating when they tell you what gift would make their new lives together easiest.

And if you have a problem with people assuming they'll get gifts and specifying what they want, you must have a problem with gifty registers too, and yet no one on here is spitting bile about that, are they?

Answer 6

If I received an invitation like that, I would probably not go to the wedding. To me it seems really greedy. They don't want me there as a guest, they just want my "donation." The majority bring money anyway, especially if the couple has lived together before they got married. Most people realize that money would make more sense than a toaster, but to out right ask for it, to me, is very rude.

Answer 7

It's not rude for the couple to ask for money instead of gifts, but putting that in the invitation IS tacky. There is not supposed to be any mention of gifts or registries in a wedding invitation (shower invitations or engagement party invitations are more appropriate for this) because it shouldn't be expected for someone to give a gift. Etiquette calls for the couple to let their attendants and family know where the couple is registered and what they would like as gifts.

Answer 8

No I don't think it rude as such.As tradition has established it would be extremely unusual to attend a wedding and not take a gift so it should not appear presumptuous of the couple getting wed to expect a gift. Gifts purchased at random by the guests can bring problems.Who wants 4 toasters or bright purple towels or something you have already decided you can do without.It is quite common for the couple to approach a local department store who will set up a wedding gift list of items that the couple have indicated they would like.to receive. As each item is selected by the giver the list is amended so that a late comer to the store may find a much reduced list to select from,many of which may be outside their intended price range.There isn't a lot of difference between this system and actually giving money. Whereas close family members may feel quite happy about giving money,mum and dads donation probably being quite substantial,other guests may feel a little awkward as they don't know what other people may give and they don't want to appear as being over generous or being miserly.With gifts purchased individually by each guest from the store of their choice the actual value of the gift is not apparent.It depends a bit how the donor feels about this. From the couples point of view money gifts give them far more flexibility in selecting the items needed to furnish their new home.

Answer 9

I've just been invited to a wedding reception (my mate's younger sister) and inside the invite there was a little poem explaining that they don't have a wedding list because they already live together in their own house and it's furnished with all the things they need, so they would prefer a donation to pay for their honeymoon if it is ok with the guests.

I have no problem with it, they have explained why they would prefer money rather than a gift and have explained what it will be used for. It's not like it's just "give us some cash!!!". I would have clubbed together with my mates and bought a gift off the list if they hadn't requested money, so I will just put my donation with my friends and present it together. I don't think it's very fair for the couple to not have anything from guests and family on their wedding day just because they already have a home together, I like the idea of helping them to have a lovely honeymoon

Answer 10

it will put many people in an awkward position, as many people buy expensive looking gifts that look to be worth alot more money. this way they know exactly what is given. i think it is a bad idea it is different if it was donations to charity they were asking for! Its greedy and selfish and ungrateful for the lovely gifts I'm sure they would have received! Personally if i received an invite like that i would just send a card just so they knew it was up to me what i gave!

Answer 11

In this day and age, they probably already have everything they will ever need in their kitchen or house and it is better that money is given, so they can spend it any way they want to, without having half a dozen of the same item given as a gift. I don't think it is rude at all - what I find rude, is when they have a wedding register at a place that no one can afford to purchase anything - that is rude. You are invited to a wedding because you are family or a friend - it's not about the gifts you are going to give, but the fact that you are one of the special people invited to help them celebrate their wedding day. God Bless You!!!