From a book called "Disorder in the American Courts", and are things people actually said in court,
word for word, taken down and now published (apparently)
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
And the best for last
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
2007-03-25 23:34:19 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
excellent - well worth the read!!!10/10 and a star!!!
ps to those of you that complain about how long it is - dont bloody answer the question if you cant be bothered to read the joke!!!
2007-03-25 23:42:45 · answer #1 · answered by littlekitty 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A good example of the THUNDERING ignorance currently choking the world. 8/10.
2007-03-26 06:38:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ha Ha! Funny! Good ones!
2007-03-26 10:32:23 · answer #3 · answered by cats 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, great ones. Makes me want to become a layer, makes it sound easy.
2007-03-26 10:45:41 · answer #4 · answered by Remnant 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very gud!! needed a laugh 2 cheer me up!! 10/10
2007-03-26 06:40:08 · answer #5 · answered by Irishlass 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Too funny
2007-03-26 06:39:11 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs. T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hahaha that was awesome.
I bet they were real cases too. That's shameful.
2007-03-26 06:48:37 · answer #7 · answered by Emzi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely fantastic!! I love it when people speak quicker than they think :)
Very good!!
2007-03-26 07:00:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
bang man......
all good ones.... I am still laughing...
thanks for the laugh
regards
2007-03-26 06:42:36 · answer #9 · answered by ILLUSTRATOR 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
good one
2007-03-26 06:41:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋