English Deutsch Français Italiano Español Português 繁體中文 Bahasa Indonesia Tiếng Việt ภาษาไทย
All categories

He moved in with me last October, and when you ask him to do something, well it is always maybe, I have just finished painting & decorating our bedroom & livingroom ok he did do the bedroom ceiling but he is 6ft 5in compared to my 5ft 1in He is also 38 and I am 49 years of age, I was left to move all the furniture, well I had to do it as he was down the pub watching football, when he did come in he said (you should have left that till I was here) even though he was in when I started doing it. Yesterday he did help me clean out the garden shed, but it was all swearing kicking things about I just knew he did not want too do it, he just wants to sit about the house jumping channels when not in the pub. Please advise can you change someone or not

2007-03-25 23:06:57 · 32 answers · asked by Janet C 2 in Family & Relationships Weddings

32 answers

Hi,in your heart you already know the answer to this,perhaps bacause of your age,you might be thinking " who else will i meet?". Well believe me you will,and some one you deserve! Get rid of the lazy ****. he will always be this way!...Goodluck and be happy!

2007-03-26 00:11:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Hi, unless you loose your rang and put your foot down he aint going to change. Most men are like this. I dont think its an excuse not to marry him though unless you are seriously not happy. If hes a manly man not a man who loves house work then he will never change they are all the same. But he lives with you now and I suggest you make a few rules. You are engaged there is no need to plann a wedding yet. Just see how it goes. Like some people say when moving with each other you get to see what the other half is really like and unless there willing to accept a few changes in your homw then maybe it wont work.

As all women say, if you want anything doing do it yourself and if they ask you to do something tell them to do it themselves. If you do it yourself if saves your fiance throughing a strop and losing his temper then he will feel gulilty for no helping you when you have done it on your own.

2007-03-26 02:43:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

If you are asking yourself if you should marry this man, then you already have doubts. The best advice I can give you is, when in doubt.... don't!
And your second question: can you change someone?
If you want to change him, why are you with him?
The only person you have the right to change and the opportunity to change is YOU.
So, you have two choices, and they basically boil down to go or stay.
Go away from him or stay with him.
Go away from your way of thinking and behaviour; or stay with that mind set.
Why are you staying with him? They stopped giving martyrs sainthoods a lot time ago.
You either love him and his quirky ways are endearing; or his quirky ways are going to irritate you more over time.
Perhaps you could examine your needs and then make a decision based on the rest of your life, because no matter if you stay together or part, it is going to affect the rest of your life.

2007-03-25 23:47:50 · answer #3 · answered by Jaza242 2 · 0 0

you should be marrying someone because you are in love with who they are. the fact you are wondering should you marry him should be ringing enough alarm bells. But the fact you want to marry him then hope to change him???? thats unrealistic, if you marry him, he will naturally think you love him as he is, and quite rightly resent you wanting to change him. Do you think marrying a man is like getting a puppy? take him home and train him?? you sound a strong capable person, why are you hoping to make a man out of this guy? he prefers to be down the pub with the boys, let him go out to play and find a grown up man to love and be a companion through life

2007-03-25 23:56:08 · answer #4 · answered by ♠ Merlin ♠ 7 · 0 0

Unfortunately, you can't change a person or make them do what you'd like them to do if it's not in them to do it. It's sad that he won't help out, but after 2 years of being with him, did you know this? I would sit him down and have a serious talk with him if I were you. In the long run, you're going to get tired of pulling all of the weight and this might cause problems in the relationship. It would be best to nip it in the bud!

Good Luck!

2007-03-25 23:18:55 · answer #5 · answered by EveryDaysAMardiGras 3 · 1 0

u have to realise u cant change him.......i thot the same as well but my boyfriend 4 4yrs never changed......We just broke up cos i realised i had no chance in hell of changin him....and plus i ran out of patience. Although a friend of mine who has been married for 9yrs says her husband is way better (character-wise) than he was when they 1st got 2gether......it culd be that hes gettin older or hes actually changed
On he's defence tho.....some guys are laid back (no offence) and always need a push to actually get things done......I'm sure u've got some bad habits he's puttin up wiv
I think u need 2 feel it in ur heart, make sure he's the one........and have a lot of PATIENCE......

No one can make up ur mind 4 u cos at the end of the day its ur life........

hope this helps, good luck

2007-03-25 23:39:18 · answer #6 · answered by agbobar 1 · 0 0

Sorry my answer is short and sweet - NO. The idea you are having doubts means in your heart you know yourself it will not work out. Only solution could be a break away from each other for him to sort himself out and if he then agrees you are correct and he genuinely changes his ways could work out. However he should be changed for a long time before the marriage takes place.

2007-03-26 03:37:35 · answer #7 · answered by Ms Mat Urity 6 · 0 0

The thing is if he's not doing these things now when you get married he's still not going to do them and he could use the excuse of before we got married I never used to help around the house so why should I start now. If it's really getting to you then you have to tell him and make him do things around the house. For example stop doing his washing for a week, if he leaves things like dishes around and you have to pick them up then stop doing it and hopefully after a while he will either say something to you about it. OR he will start picking up after himself and start doing things.

The thing is if you don't talk to him about it now, its not going to improve once you are married

2007-03-25 23:16:00 · answer #8 · answered by Baps . 7 · 2 0

If marrying him hangs on him helping you I would say no - do not marry him and do not live with him.

You definitely won't change him.

It is a question of whether you are prepared to put up with a lazy inconsiderate male or are you worth something better!

Good luck whatever you decide.

2007-03-25 23:13:03 · answer #9 · answered by Jewel 6 · 2 0

He'll always be like that, unless you sit him down and discuss it with him. Tell him how you feel when he behaves like that. If he loves you, he'll change. If he doesnt change you have to decide if you want to stay with him or not. He might try turning it into an argument to avoid the issue, so keep your cool. Good luck ;-)

2007-03-25 23:11:23 · answer #10 · answered by PhoenixRights 4 · 1 0

fedest.com, questions and answers