Why do people give such crappy food when you go to see them?

Question

I have a friend who is loaded with money, but for some reason, each time I go to visit her, she gives me the tackiest of food. She even works next door to Marks & Spencer's, but I never see a nice cake from there for me at her home!! She will give me fairy cakes from the market and the cheapest Tesco's value ready salted crisps. When she comes to see me, I give her loads of stuff to eat - good quality stuff and I even earn less than her. Why do people do this? She has been like this for 20 years. Once she asked if I fancied a biscuit and when I said, yes please, she brought me just one jaffa cake in her hand for me! She is 36 for goodness sake.

Yes, I've done it all. Home-made cakes, 3 course meals for her mother and her grandmother and have done everything for her. When I invite her out, she doesn't want to go anywhere.

Answer 1

I had friends like this we went to visit them with a young child and after a long drive to see them we had to go to supermarket to buy some food as they had nothing in!! (apsolutly nothing). The second time we visited they managed sausage rolls and a bag of tesco's large cookies. Was even told - I can't wait to come back to yours for your homemade sticky toffee pudding. The rudest thing was that the man of the house on our last visit made it clear that the woman and kids had to sit in the other room while he watch a football match with my husband. Thank goodness my husband decided to join us at at lunch time the guy we were visiting came through to quickly eat his sausage roll and went back through the room. We were so embarrased we have never been intouch since. Feel bad for his wife.

There are just some people that are not as generous, either accept it or move on.

It may be that she cannot afford it - you probably don't know what her financial commitments are so there may be a reason for it. Also there really isn't much wrong with the own brands. At least she is making some effort on buying something. As for the jaffa cake, perhaps she was embarrased and didn't have any other biscuits in. A plate would have been good!

Answer 2

I'm not trying to be rude when I say this but don't you think that she is loaded with money for a reason?

People with money have money for a reason. It is because they do not spend it all over the place.

People who are poor generally are poor for a reason. They are also the ones who are more than willing to make the effort to make other people feel comfortable in their home.

If she is your friend and a true friend then maybe you should try to accept her the way that she is. She was probably brought up this weay.

I have been staying in England for about 4 months now and I personally have only complained about the food here a few times however every time I (an american) cooks for this English family they are ungrateful and they treat me like crap.

Last night I made a beautiful meal out of one of their cook books and they loved it. I say it was because it was a meal that they were 'used' to having. They said it was 'so' good. I was upset because they don't like American food but I did not insult them over it.

Be the better person.

Answer 3

Explain why YOU rate a cake from Marks and Spencer's. I'll put my own made-from-scratch cake next to a professional baker's cake, any day. Perhaps it won't LOOK as good as theirs, but it damn sure will taste at least as good. I'll take a home-made cake over a store-bought, any day.
You believe you're giving your best to your guests. Who's to say that they are not? Just because Tesco Value Ready Salted Crisps aren't your favorite, doesn't mean that they aren't hers. But let's get past the food. You've known this person for 20 years, if you're not exaggerating. If indeed you HAVE known this person, that long, then you should be well-versed in her hospitality habits. If her best isn't good enough for you, and you're only there for the food, then please, do her a favor and go elsewhere for food. If you're there for friendship and you value everything else about her, then politely decline any food offerings. Surely you don't ascribe importance of friendship based only on what you can get out of it.

Answer 4

Loaded with money? Shops at the market and Tescos? The two do not go together.
What does it matter what she gives you to eat? Why do you compare your food to hers?
Next time you plan to see each other, why don't you suggest that you have lunch or dinner? Suggest that one provide the dinner the other the dessert? This to me is a way for you both to share the cost, try out new and interesting tastes, and have a subject to discuss. You could even set a budget for each course - - then no-one needs to feel embarrassed about the spend.
BTW I really do not understand what her age has to do with this topic.

Answer 5

Some people are loaded with money because they are stingy. Other people just do not have good taste in food and they offer you what they like to eat themselves. Try bringing your own food with you when you visit her. Explain to her that you no longer want to eat junk food because you care about your health. It is up to you if you bring only enough for yourself or if you also bring something to share with her. Maybe she will take the hint, but if you have known her for 20 years and in all that time you have never brought up this subject with her and still find her worth visiting in spite of this...maybe you should meet in a restaurant instead of her home and you can order something wonderful and she can order something cheap and both of you will be satisfied.

Answer 6

In her early years either as a teenager or as a young adult she may have been short of money and adopted this thrifty lifestyle. Once you have been there you just carry on because in the back of your mind you think that you could go back to those days and you don't want to get used to a more lavish way of living. She may also be heavily committed on loans, mortgage etc leaving her with less disposable income.
As an example, I once sold conservatories and a customer that quoted his occupation as Company Director on a salary of £200,000 per year was refused credit of only £3000 for his purchase as his borrowing was in excess of a safe limit. It transpired that their day to day living was funded by his wife's salary. Just shows all is not what it might seem.

Answer 7

Ain't that the truth.

Well-to-do friends always gave us half-dead salad, that really only consisted of lettuce and air.

Your friend is a tight-wad. Some people just don't know how to treat a friend. Thankfully, you are not one of them.

If she is a good friend, you are just going to have to take her for what she is: a bad feeder of friends. If she isn't all that, tell her your thoughts and see if that makes a difference.

One Jaffa cake in the hand! My little son can do better than that. I sympathise with you completely.

Answer 8

Distracted dining could possibly get you in trouble. Avoid eating looking at a television or in a movie theatre, as you're bound to ingest more calories.

Answer 9

Wow. Perhaps she believes she is pulling out her finest. Having gobs of money does not automatically instill common sense in people (although you'd think it would!). Proper hostessing is something that is part common sense and part learned behavior (in my opinion). If I know I am having company, I make sure I have the appropriate food and beverage on hand according to the time of day as well as the occasion. It's always good to have stuff on hand in case someone shows up unexpectedly.

If you enjoy each other's company, that is what's most important.

Good luck!!!

Answer 10

Some people simply do not value good food, others lack social graces, and others are plain cheapos.
I think your friend may be some of all. There is a diff between thrifty and plain "playing at skint" cheap.

--That Cheeky Lad