I left my husband when he was diagnosed with cancer.Now he's ok and I want him back.Part 2?

Question

Part 1
http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ApEgJPYSXWqWH.Dyh5QmgNDh5gt.?qid=20070324201705AA62Uio
Part 2
Would people please stop telling me what an awful person I am? I hate myself enough as it is. I’m neither selfish nor a bad person and if you knew me you’d realize that. Everyone makes mistakes, everyone. I didn’t come here to be judged, I came here for objective advice. I made a mistake, a huge one I know that and I would give anything to change what I did. I didn’t leave him with nothing. I made sure he received the best medical care possible and even though he’s a very wealthy man I left without a cent because I didn’t want his money. It really couldn’t have been all that bad if he survived on his own; at least I hope it wasn’t. He’s young (31) and fit. We’re still married and I hope to God he doesn’t choose to throw away 7 years of marriage because of one mistake.

I know from a friend that he hasn’t been with anyone since me because we’re still legally married and that he’s asked about me and know he still wears his wedding ring as do I. It wasn’t an easy decision to leave but I had finally managed to get everything I ever wanted in life and finding out about the cancer was a devastating blow. My life was pure hell before I met him at 22 and I just couldn’t take any more. If any of you even had the slightest idea of what I’ve been through before he came into my life you would take back most of the names you chose to call me. We had the world at our feet and then everything changed. I want to make this right. I want things to go back to the way they were because no one has ever been there for me, understood and treated me the way he has. I would gladly give my life for this man without a second though so doesn’t tell me I don’t love him. The first time we’ve spoken in 2 years was 2 weeks ago and he didn’t seem angry or bitter.

He told me he was doing really well and didn’t mention getting a divorce meaning there’s hope. If the cancer comes back again, I won’t leave his side. After I left him I moved to another state to start over but I couldn’t knowing what I left behind so eventually after 2 years I came back. I keep asking the question in various categories because I’m desperate for objective advice. He’s the one good thing that has ever happened to me. Those of you doubting the validity of my query, I wish to God it wasn’t true. None of you could possibly make me feel worse for what I did than I already feel. Please help me! How do I convince him to give me a second chance? I truly am nothing without him.

Answer 1

Everyone makes mistakes, and everyone has done things they wish they could take back -- everyone has a worst thing they ever did, including me, so this is not a judgment but just a point of view.

It's sad but true that we make our worst mistakes and learn our hardest lessons when we hurt the people closest to us. You made a grave mistake -- hopefully you are learning something from that experience.

You are fooling yourself, if no one else, if you think his cancer treatment couldn't have been that bad. One, you'll never really know because you weren't there and Two, anyone who has gone through cancer treatment can tell you it is seven kinds of hell and the only thing that makes it bearable is the caring of others. And it changes you drastically as a person. There is simply no going back to "the way it used to be." Too much has happened.

He may forgive you but still not take you back, preferring to move on and start a new life. You may just have to accept that sometimes you cross a line that you can't ever cross back. You may simply have to accept the consequences of your behavior and move on as well. I don't think it's realistic to expect that you can make this right with him.

Perhaps the next time you fall in love you will value that person a great deal more after realizing what it is worth to have that gift. But all this anguish isn't worth anything unless you don't repeat this mistake with someone else. The reason "sickness and health, richer or poorer, better or worse" are in the vows is because allthough we might for some time in our lives be young and healthy and whole and affluent, we never have a guarantee of that as a lifelong or even a long-term state. At some point, most people do get sick or feeble or disabled or injured or they lose all they have, and we continue loving them for the people they are, their hearts and minds and not their flawed bodies. Remember one day you may be very sick or too old to take care of yourself and will need to depend on the steadfast love of someone else to help you through it -- it happens to all of us, though we aren't allowed to decide how or when that happens.

Answer 2

Well, it sounds like you have answered your own question, shutting out the answers of others. If you are looking foe someone to aggree that you did the right or honorable thing thing, then look in the mirrow.My question is what happens when the cancer reappears, or God forbid he should have a stroke or some other long term illness or confinement. I think you need to quit looking for acceptance here and get down on your knees an be thankful that he is willing to accept your actions and maintain a relationship, much less a marriage with you. Whether the cancer was terminal or that Bad or not, you chose to leave him when,more than likely he needed you more than he ever had. You are right in that the people here do not know your history, and my bible teaches me not to judge others as we none are perfect, however, if he left you because you were diagnosed with cancer or other awfull disease, I wonder if youwould welcome him back into your world as if nothing had happened. I personally could not trust my mate if he left me at my most vulnerable time. It is a matter of trust and faith in your partner. Once that is lost or changed, it has to be built back brick by brick. If I were he, I would not allow you to come back home. You are right in that we all make mistakes but there are consequences for every action.

Answer 3

Seriously what did you expect. Just based on this sentence you wrote: "If any of you even had the slightest idea of what I’ve been through" it seems that you are overly concerned about yourself. YOU, YOU, YOU!

What ever happened to "in sickness and in health"? The first sign of difficulty ahead and you bolt and leave the guy alone and to make matters worse you leave the state! Forget the run away bride you are the run away wife.

How dare you imply that his the cancer was not that bad! That is an insult to each and every person that has had cancer. What you did was not a mistake you left him at death's door. Yes that makes you a very selfish person.

What do you expect that if you ask the question enough times that someone will feel sorry for you? I don't mean to speak for the world at large but the only sorry you are going to hear about this is that people are sorry for his having married such a selfish and immature person.

Answer 4

Sorry,

But I hope he dumps you - when he needed you most, you left

nothing you can say or do will change that.

And I would never trust you that if the cancer came back, you would not do it again.

There are some mistakes that can't be cleaned up

I am surprised that he hasn't filed already - a bit of a sucker that he hasn't.

Sorry but I know 100% what it is like from the other side; my wife did the same thing when I was diagnosed and I can never forgive her for that.

Time to move on and work on yourself; leave the guy alone.

Jewells
36 months and still here

Answer 5

He deserves much better than you. I do not feel sorry for you at all. Your vows are for better or worse in sickness and in health. You broke your vows. Your horrible for leaving the person you love when they need you the most. No matter what you say or try and make yourself believe you were being selfish. He deserves someone who will be there and love him no matter what, even when he is sick. What are you going to do if his cancer comes back? Heaven forbid it does but really will you kick him when he is down again? I can't believe the line you wrote "It really couldn't have been all that bad if he survived on his own" what a horrible person you are. Oh and you already threw away 7 years of marriage, its not his fault. Its yours. You are the ass in the relationship not him. I hope he turns his back on you and finds himself a wonderful woman that will love him for him no matter what. Karma will come bite you in the ass just wait.

Answer 6

I think it's very sad. I think it's sad that when he needed you most, you weren't there. You were the one that made the choice, not him.

If I were your husband, I wouldn't want you back - I don't know you, you may be a truly wonderful person that made a terrible error in judgment - we all make them, not the end of the world and blah blah ... but... I'd think you threw the baby out with this one.

Sometimes we do things and have to pay the price.

My father had breast cancer. Scared him to death, he lived through it - had a mastectomy. Lived 25 years after his diagnosis.

I am sorry for your situation - for the loss of what seems to have been a really good thing, but there's a reason they say "We never know what we have until it's gone", and I'd say this is a prime example.

Answer 7

Why are you looking for approval from people on here? The only person whose opinion matters is your husband's. You're going to have to talk to him about this. If he chooses to have nothing more to do with you then that's the consequence of your mistake and you'll have to live with it. He would have to have a HUGE heart in order to forgive you for that and he might not be able to. You might have to give him a lot of time and he may never be able to do it. How does he know that you won't leave him if it comes back? You say that, but you also took wedding vows and then left him when he got it. Trust takes a long time to build the first time...if it's violated it may never be able to be restored.

Answer 8

It's a sad, cruel fact to learn that we desperately need the one thing we've lost. I'm not sure how I could trust you again, if I were in his place, honestly speaking. Marriage is through sickness and health, and you've violated that part of your marriage.

I cannot answer for him, but if you truly do love him, then I have some advice. Ask to meet him. Kneel down to him and ask for his forgiveness for your past mistakes. Let him know that you're agonizing over it, and you realized that without him in your life, the world is a nightmare. Ask to earn his trust back, but don't expect it. Ask to earn his love back, and tell him that you want to prove your love for him, every moment of every day, forever.

He has two choices, he can accept you back, or he won't, but you won't know until you ask. Be sure it's what you want, though.

Answer 9

if he uses internet start sending greeting cards to him,that u love him and express that u r missing him very much

and

start calling him as often as u can, u are his wife so u know what are his interests so buy some gifts,

take the whole thing as a new one, ask him for a date u take the intiative

past is past stop thinking about it,

Hurry up before anyone takes u r place, life is to enjoy stop regretting and take steps to strengthen u r relationship

i wish u good luck

Answer 10

Well if the cancer rotted his brain then maybe he'll take you back.
You took a vow for better or worse.
when the worse came, you left. What happens when his cancer comes back. If he's smart he'll change his will and divorce you. Maybe he can find a woman who's in it for the long haul.