What do you do when nothing seems to works…?

Question

I have a 4 year old that seems to be headed down the wrong path at age 4. In the past few months things have taken a sharp turn for the worst and I worried about the years to come. He is lying, overly stubborn, and manipulative. I have tried everything nothing seems to help. I have set up boundaries/ rules that have been in place all of his life. Any ideas on books would be helpful. I don’t want smash is sprit but I do want him know that are rules in life that have to be fallowed. Things we have tried are time out, grounding/ taking a way things or privileges and spanking. What else is there? I do give him positive attention when he does has as he was told or when it is warranted.

I have spoken to our Doc he stated do what I need to do but to call if things get worst and I willing be calling in the morning about a referral.

Answer 1

Watch super Nanny or get a book from her. I have used some of her tips and they are great. Everything will be ok because I can tell that you care, thats the important thing. Kids go through phases and as long as they have loving parents that can dicipline and still be cool all should work out fine. hehe i got a thumbs down quick, somebody doesn't like supernanny. lol

Answer 2

The first thing you will have to do is get him a physical to rule out any hearing difficulties, developmental issues or learning deficiencies - such things can easily manifest themselves as behavioral problems. You can also read the book "1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12" by Thomas Phelan PhD. Good luck.

Answer 3

Some of these things are normal for this age group - asserting independence and what not. He could be picking up these types of behaviors by observing others around him - check that. It is my guess that he is feeling frustrated about having very little control over his life. He will lie to get it. He will manipulate to get it.

You have to keep 4 year olds busy busy busy. Sidewalk chalk, bubbles, crafts, play-dough, finger paints and so on. Start involving him in the decision making around the house. "What do you think would be good for dinner tonight?" "Which dishes should we use?" "What kind of clothes should we wear to the park?" "Do you want to wear your blue pants or your brown pants?" This opens up dialogue. You are back on the same team - working together to solve a problem. If he chooses something incorrectly, such as sandals on a rainy day or cake for dinner; you can use the opportunity to "brainstorm" about different options. "Gee, it's raining out. What do you think will happen if we wear sandals?" If he still doesn't get it, then let him go out with sandals on, so he can learn and find out for himself. You can then talk about why it wasn't a good decision, and which choice would have been better. This teaches critical thinking, which is needed to help him refrain from future "bad" deeds and wrong decisions.

My first child got all kinds of punishments, but it only made things worse. He did exactly what your son is doing. He never really learned WHY he shouldn't do certain things. ***He only learned how to get away with things better.*** That really stinks when they become teenagers. Even as an adult; my son still doesn't get it. He thinks it was cool that he drove to Great America in only 15 minutes (usually a 45 minute drive), going over 100 miles an hour. He thinks it's okay, because he didn't get caught. He never thought about how he was endangering so many people's lives. I'm now having to basically re-raise my son the right way so he hopefully won't screw up his life.

My second child rarely gets punishments. I have never spanked her. She follows the rules that have been laid out for her, but she also knows how to think about and choose appropriate behavior in unexpected situations. She is 13 and more mature and better behaved than her 21 year old brother. Kids will make mistakes. They will make the wrong decisions. That's what growing up is all about. Use the mistakes as opportunities to learn - not as a chance to punish. Stay on the same team, or your child will continue to pull away farther and farther.

Would you rather have a teenager who isn't afraid to call home for a ride, because he's too drunk to drive - or a teenager who tries to drive home drunk on his own to see if he can get away with it?

I hope this helps. Good luck. Lisa.

Answer 4

A four yr old needs to know exactly what is expected of him and know what's going to happen if he doesn't do so. The rules and consequences have to be the same every time. (And try to match the consequence with the action. IE: if you don't treat your toys nicely, I'll put them in time out. and then Take the toys away) Write the biggies on a poster. (No hitting, etc.) Go over them every day together. Try a sticker chart along with it. Also, I've found with my own 4 yr old that giving him responsiblities really helps too.

Answer 5

It sounds like he is in charge of the family.

Whatever you are doing isn't working.


It sounds like some outside help is needed

Get a grip on things now or the teenage years will be very difficult

Answer 6

I would have him evaluated psychologically. My nephew was like that and ended up being diagnosed with depression at age five. I'm not saying your child is depressed, but he is not responding to punishment and that could propose a problem in the future when he is bigger and even harder to control. I would seek professional advice from his pediatrician or a psychologist. Kids don't just act out to be defiant at his age. Something is bothering him and I'd get to the bottom of it now.

Answer 7

Book: "Bringing Up Boys" by Dr. James Dobson....a must!!!

The key is consistency

Answer 8

this is the best program going for dealing with kids behaviour
did it myself and is was the best thing I ever did