He's a really good man and takes care of me. He is a little emotionally unstable, but who isn't? We love each other very much.
Don't get me wrong, he's not a drunkard. A few times a month or less. When he drinks a lot, he gets annoying. Sometimes it's small, asking me the same question 10 times. Sometimes it's big: arguing w/ me over nothing and then making me feel bad. He always apologizes the next day.
Here is where the problem is: I have a really hard time with drunk people cuz my father was an alcoholic. It brings up bad memories. Its worse if my fiance makes me feel bad when he's drunk. Every time I explain this to him, he understands but then gets callous about it when he starts to drink. When I tell him that I would prefer that I go do something else like watch a movie so that he can drink, he gets angry & hurt.
How do I tell him and make him understand my feelings on this? I want him to take my feelings into consideration. I also want to give him freedom to drink.
2007-03-25 19:20:47 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If he's a good man, he should take your feelings into
consideration. Bite the bullet. Explain to him why you
hate alcohol and what problems it causes. Explain to
him that he is a different person when drunk. Lay the
law down, "I want you to feel free to drink...but if you
drink around me...please don't get drunk around me".
If that doesn't change anything, then you know who
or what he loves most. Alcoholism may be a disease
as some say...though I disagree. However, diseases
can be cured. You just have to take the medicine.
2007-03-25 19:32:08 · answer #1 · answered by Northwest Womps 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him know this is a deal breaker, either he stops drinking around you. or you are out. Okay DON'T say it like that, word it however you want, but just make sure he knows how badly his drinking effects you and that if he cared or understood he would not do it infront of or around you.
and by the way Charles answer was ridiculous! Of course his drinking is going to bring up bad memories of your fathers drinking! So they are definately related!!!! And you do have a problem. Hopefully this man who loves you will be willing to fix it with you. Just set up an arrangement where you are not there when he is drinking, with no hard feelings on either one of your parts. It's very important for you to work it out before you get married.
2007-03-25 19:27:46 · answer #2 · answered by cuteness 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is about respect. You say that you have explained this to him when he is sober, but then he forgets when he is drinking. What I'd do, is next time this happens (since you have already talked to him), I'd just leave while he is drunk. If you stay there, you are only making it okay for him to continue to behave this way. If you leave, you aren't accepting his behaviour.
I know a lot about this...remember that he can drink, but he doesn't need to disrespect you in the meantime.
You need to protect yourself.
2007-03-25 19:27:11 · answer #3 · answered by Keep It Sane 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try videotaping him when he's drunk so he can see what it looks like. I bet it will sober him up in a fast hurry! When he sees how he treats you and how stupid he acts it may turn it all around. Talk to him about your feelings concerning your own Dad. He needs to know why you feel the way you do and he should know now not later.
2007-03-25 19:38:26 · answer #4 · answered by MissWong 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can not give someone the freedom to drink without giving them the freedom to get drunk. i imagine some of what attracted him to you is he reminds you of your father, who is an alcoholic. whether you accept it or not your fiancee is a drunk. just be upfront and tell him you grew up with a drunk and you are not willing to live with one. tell him when he is drunk he hurts you because you love him so much. ask him to please stop drinking or limit himself to 2 drinks. do not marry this guy until he can control his drinking because it will only get worst not better. who does he love more you or the drink?
2007-03-25 19:30:03 · answer #5 · answered by misse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He dont need to drink if it hurts you.Pick up some pamplets from AA and give it to him when he is sober leave them laying all over the house opened to the section explaining what drinking does to loved ones.
2007-03-25 19:27:18 · answer #6 · answered by acr_lover 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're being overly smooth and no, i do not imagine you have to be indignant. no matter if inebriated or sober why get mad at the same time as someone tells you to commence asserting only Kelly quite of Ms. Kelly? i'm efficient she did not propose to be impolite about it she only needs you to resign calling her that. If my mom in regulation ever advised me to call her some thing different i could only snicker and say ok, no opt for to get harm over it.
2016-12-02 20:01:09 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definately tell him when he is sober.
Maybe tell him you'll stay at home or go out somewhere else if there is drink around
Definately reinforce the info about your dad.
Good luck
2007-03-25 19:25:56 · answer #8 · answered by skip22h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He takes you and the relationship for granted.Make some boundries.If he doesnt respect it.Dump the guy.
2007-03-25 19:29:10 · answer #9 · answered by sam jones 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its time to wake up you are ben show sign /why but your self though hell when you dont have to think before you act
2007-03-25 19:27:45 · answer #10 · answered by nightman122554 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋