My father is very narrowminded and has threatened to hurt me,What should I do?

Question

My parents have been divorced since i was about nine years old. I have always had problems with my father and unfortunately when I was younger I decided to live with him because I do not get along w/ my mother's husband. Within the past few years our arguemetns have worsened more and more to the point where he threatens me and the outcome of the fight will end up in violence. Eventhough he has yet to lay a hand on me, he has threatened me. I can legally sue him for this can't I? My life living here with him has become unbearable...I have a few options...

1. Stay here for two more years and complete whatever is left of my education.
2. Move within the next few months to live with my mother and then move to california
3. Wait three more months until i complete the semester and then move (at this point in time I will be of legal age) directly to california (where I will be living with my grandmother and uncles)

I'm so torn right now I have no idea what I should do, i need advice.

Answer 1

I'd go with number 3. Good luck.

Answer 2

i dont know all the details and everything that goes on with you two but ask yourself, what should i do? think them out thoughtfully. You're not yet 18 [legal age] which possibly could be child abuse if he does lays a hand on you but the way he threatens you is talk abuse or whatever you call it, cant think of it right now. When you do turn 18 and if he lays a hand on you and/or threatens you, you can sue him cause you are at an legal age to make a decision on things. You are almost 18 as you descirbe so maybe you can bare awhile and finish up school then look for a place or possibly live with a friend.
If you guys get in a fight just say, im going to take a walk ill be back shortly ,and come back when things have coolen off

Answer 3

Right away contact your relatives and also go to the school counselor. Be firm, be serious, and be focused on resolving issues later and be proactive on protecting yourself now. Issues are not solved like math problems. No matter how smart either of you are, issues never have easy answers. Why? I think from my long years of experience as someone who has had a good share of problems and been in uncomfortable relationships at times, that right or wrong is based on your perspective; thus, you see things from one vantage point and he from another. So you may be both right but which vantage point do you want to take? At your age, you need to get your own life. He can work on his but he should not be forcing violence as a way to overpower you. Does he really care and worry about you? Or is he into a parent power play? I don't know, you might, get moving!
Jim

Answer 4

I am very sorry to here what you are going through. Let me first say know one deserves to be theatened an feel unsafe regardless of who the offender is. Your safety is more important then not getting along with someone or moving so that you can be safe. I would recommend you calling your mom and telling her what is going on in your life. At that point I am sure you would be back in her house in know time. How could you fully focus in school if your primary concern is your safety? It is impossible. If you don't get the results you are looking for contact local authorities.
Also... please realize that arguing with your parents as a teenager is pretty normal. Sometimes people say things they don't really mean. It's not like they don't love you, they are just trying to teach you something and mold you to be a good woman/ man. So before you take any legal actions make sure you are not confusing discipline as abuse.

Answer 5

I'd take option 3. In the meantime, do as much as you can to bite your tongue and get along with your Dad. It would be good if you left with a period of relative calm behind you and still felt like, with time passing, you could be in touch with him from where ever you are.
If I had a nickel for every time my dad threatened me - I'd be a nickelaire! Really, he was a thug and it wasn't hard to recreate a scene from Goodfellas listening to him talk to me. I wish I could say that he was a great guy but he wasn't. However, 3 months is a relatively short time and keeping your mouth shut, taking it easy, watching the 3 months pass, you should be able to do it. If you go to your mother's, you already know you have issues with your stepfather, so I'm not so sure that is the best choice.

Answer 6

Some times in life we don't agree with our parents but the truth is they always want the best for us. I think your best bet would be to first talk to your father and let him know that if things between you and him don't change you will have no alternative than to wait three more months when your of legal age and move out to California with your grandmother and uncles. Good Luck.

Answer 7

First report him to CPS (Child Protective Services), or the police if you are in a heated argument and he threatens and they could remove you from the house into a safe place immediately. If you are not comfortable w/these suggestions, contact a psychological facility and go in for counseling and they can route you to a battery shelter. You must get clear from him. Either one of these suggestions you must not wait another day. This is far too dangerous and even though he has yet to put a hand on you, believe me.... it will get there. GET OUT OF THERE> your life is worth more than anything, school, money, etc.

Answer 8

Darl I can see that you really have a battle. I feel for you. I too grew up in a very disfuntional famly.
Forget about the sueing your father bit, as unpleasant and as distrssing and frightning this may be, you don't have a case. And would you really want to go through all that, added pressure etc.
You asked for my opinion, remembering that I only know what you've written with a bit of insight due to lifes experiences, then ther is only one of the options you presented for you, as I see it.
And that is move in with your Grandmother in a few months. It sounds like the safest place. And Granny's are great. You'd also be close to your mum & wouldn't have to see that much of her husband if you didn't want to.

Though have you spoken to your mother about this, what does she think? (on ph - or otherways)
Audrey your a little older & wiser now. And you just may get along with your mums husband. Have you spoken to him recently?
Have you spoken to yor grandmother also.
And if so what do they all think? And what do you think about thier responces.
Only you can decide your best path to go.
Audrey I will pray that the Lord Jesus will guide you in your huge decision & ask God to proct you in the duration.
You can email me if you want to anytime.
Le7

Answer 9

First of all this is a problem Humans seem to have with all relationships. First, realize that you and he are individuals, which allows you to know that you're not him and he's not you. Second, realize that he has authority. Since he has authority, (a little but kissing wont hurt) no matter how wrong one may be, USUALLY they can be persuaded if you know what they like. Change your attitude toward all people and realize you are you, model yourself off the good qualities in people, and search hard and long for your own personal pleasures, as long as they are respectable, then you have means to establish a viable position for yourself, which demands respect. Learn to be a student of all, and not just what society has programmed you to like at your age. This world is extremely imperfect in its ways, believe it or not. Humility is the ultimate soother, nobody likes arrogance and pride, these are ugly emotions, you should be free of these things.

Answer 10

Dear Audrey, you've put up with dad for this long, if you could hold out to your 18th birthday, finish school then move on...sounds like a good idea. You might also sit down with your dad and talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Ask him what you can do to improve your relationship...and ask him if he's interested in learning what you think he can do to improve the relationship. I suspect your father may think that he's doing the right thing by you and might be surprised that you want to leave. On the other hand, he might want you out of the house. So ask him point blank, what he wants in your relationship. And if you can't get a good answer, get out.

Answer 11

unless you feel your life is in danger, i would suggest stick it out another 3 months and finish school before making a move.

if you're still having issues with your mother's husband (if they are still together) i would bypass that option and go straight to cali.

i hope wherever you go you are able to find the support you need. domestic violence is a serious issue.

also since you are still a minor you can be removed from the home and put into a local foster home. this way you can probably finish the semester at your school. call the department of children and family services (dcfs).