Missing hubby in Iraq so bad i can't take it anymore?

Question

I have been so sad today and felt like crying all day. He has been gone since June and won't be home until Sept. It feels like forever though i have returned to school. Sometimes i just don't know how to cope. Its ripping me up inside and i miss my best friend....my hubby so bad. Tell me are u a military wife and how did you cope?

Answer 1

Have yourself a good cry -- I mean really cry. Journal and then drive on.

You say you're busy with school, how bout in the community? Wives groups on post are there for this reason -- so that wives who may not even like each other can still lean on each other when the going gets tough and nobody else understands. There's also PWOC and MCCW (Protestant and Catholic ladies groups on post/base).

Join a walking group, learn a new hobby.

We've been married 18 years in April and hubby's been home 9. I know it's hard, and without God impossible, but you can survive.

You cope one day, one hour and sometimes one minute at a time. You've gotten some great advice on here.

HUGS!

Answer 2

You Really Need To Get Back To School, You Need To Get A Heathly Hobby.Many Women Are Feeling The Same Way As You Are, Get Yourself Into FRG And Attend Meetings, Go To Counseling. ItsTough , But Every Day That Passes Is A Day Closer, Right? Keep Your Chin Up! Keep Yourself Busy!

Answer 3

I am a military wife. My husband was out for over a year and a half in the span of 24 months. It's hard. There are groups to help you cope. Contact his commands ombudsman and she can let you know when there are spouses meetings. You would be surprised at how much these help, sometimes you just need a shoulder to cry on. We're passing 10 years in the Navy now, and I can tell you, it doesn't get easier, you just learn coping skills. Just look a little deeper, and you'll see there are a lot of women out there in the same situation. My husband was on the first group in the Persian Gulf after 9/11 and my stomach was in knots for days. Not getting any communication from him for 2 weeks.. If you have children, they can help you too. Believe it or not, talking about it makes it better. Drawing pictures, making care packages, recording a video from home.. Good luck, and I pray he returns safely.

Answer 4

I am a military wife, and this is the 3rd deployment that I have gone through! No, its not easy, but all you can do is take it day by day. One day at a time, and just remember that you are one day closer to getting him home with each new day! Check with his unit to see if you have an FRG (Family Readiness Group) and if they do, get involved!! They will be your best source of information! You are NOT alone!
The feelings you have are all natural! Its an emotional roller coaster ride that we could all do without! Keep busy, stay in school, and do what you would normally do if he was home! If you feel like crying, then by all means, do so! Keeping your emotions bottled up doesn't do either one of you any good. My husband just left in February, and I have my good days and my bad days! Things will get better, you just have to hang in there!

Answer 5

(((Hugs)))

Don't beat yourself up for having a down day or two. It's all part of the cycle and actually crying it out will sometimes make it feel better. At least for a while. After doing this for 15 years with a Navy DH I have to say it doesn't get much easier, just easier to know what's normal. And I still have my crying days when DH deploys.

I will say that if the feeling stays too long there is no shame in seeing a doctor for help. There have been really bad outcomes for families if the spouse at home gets and stays depressed without seeking help. You're the only one who can make that call, though.

Ways to keep things from getting that bad? Build a support group. Whether you hang out with your neighbors, or family, or church group, or FRG, or other military families, having people around you helps immensely. I can't tell you how many times my friends have saved my sanity with support that I wasn't entirely expecting. Hopefully I've turned around and asked them out to lunch at the right time, too.

If you're not close enough to a base to get in person military related support you might check on-line. I run a Yahoo Group for my FRG and a lot of the groups around here have pages, too. You can ask your ombudsman or first shirt if your group has one.

You can also search Yahoo Groups or MySpace or anyplace else you network for support forums. A lot of times you can find groups for your base, or the area your DH is in, or your branch of service. You can also check out bigger sites on-line. Two of the ones I know of are http://www.cinchouse.com/ and http://www.military.com/Community/Home/1,14700,GENERAL,00.html but I know there are others out there. Just be aware of OPSEC (Operational Security) and personal security on-line like you would for anyplace else.

Other than that I think you have the stay busy part started. With a child and school you must. Another option for friendships is http://www.matchingmoms.org/. You can register with them and find other moms in your area to set up playdates and things.

Everyday is one day closer to having your best friend back in your arms.

Answer 6

Recipe For A Military Wife
Separation Cake
1/2 cup of apprehension
4 gallons of tears
6 slices of heavy responsibilities
3 pounds of loneliness
2 cups of independence
3 dashes of comforting the children and helping them understand why Daddy can't come home just yet
1 dash of being alone on special occasions

Mix the above ingredients until well blended, let sit alone for up to six months,
and sprinkle with very little extra money. Bake on and off for 20-25 years until done!

Heart Swelled Icing
Heart swelled with love and price because her partner is serving his country
Long distance phone calls mixed with e-mail messages that help to maintain sanity
Pride in her accomplishments while he's been away. Relief that he's coming home soon.
Joy at being a complete family again - until the next time....
Mix the above, spread generously over Separation Cake and remember you are very special and you are not alone!

Answer 7

Well...I am not sure how to get through this myself. My husband just left last sunday and is/has just flown into iraq yesterday/today. So far I am just trying to keep busy...I am lucky my Mom is still with me, I dont know what I will do when she has to go back home. My son isnt doing very well either, he keeps asking when is daddy coming home, if he hears a noise in another room, he will ask is that daddy? I would really like to know how you have gotten through this honestly...I barely got through the year he had spent in Korea, let alone this with his life in danger. I know this isnt the reply you were looking for, I just thought i could let you know you are not alone. Maybe you could seek counseling if you have decent healthcare facilities? Do you have family that you are close to that you can talk to at any time day or night? My mom is that person for me luckily, only problem is that she is two hours ahead of me and when she is home I dont feel its that easy to call at 2am when I am still up thinking about him. (I am speaking of other times he has gone away for training, etc...) I understand though what you mean about your best friend being torn away from you. My husband is a part of me...he is the only person who can tell what is bringing me down and can bring me back up again just by coming home from work and giving me a smile. I hate not being able to talk to him at any point in the day...I really wishI could help you though, like i said before...but I think you have gotten so far already and should be glad that you have made it that far. Maybe count the weeks instead of the days, only 52 weeks rather than 365 days in the year. Whatever you do, pay attention to your feelings...maybe you do need to get professional help to get trhough this? I know I did when my husband went to Korea for that year and still do, being married to the army is not easy.

Answer 8

"Keep in mind that your situation can be changed, that it is not a permanent situation but a common experience shared by others.
Do not be unreasonably demanding of yourself.
Feel content about yourself in general.
Develop good habits in eating and exercise, and get adequate sleep.
Use the time you spend alone doing creative things and learning new skills.
Be careful not to judge people you meet on the basis of your past experiences.
Value your friends and their unique qualities. Work toward developing a good circle of friends. Ask for ideas from older, experienced ones.
Do something for others—give them a smile, express a kind word, share a thought from the Bible with them. Feeling needed by others is an antidote to loneliness.
Avoid fantasizing about movie or TV stars or Internet or literature characters, imagining a relationship with them.
If you are married, do not expect your mate to meet all your emotional needs. Learn to give and take, to help and support each other.
Learn to talk to others and to be a good listener. Focus on other people and their interests. Show empathy.

Acknowledge that you feel lonely, and talk to a mature friend, someone you trust. Don't suffer in silence.
Avoid drinking too much, or do not drink at all. Alcohol does not drown your problems—with time they float to the surface again.
Avoid pride. Forgive those who hurt you, and make amends. Be willing to let down your defenses. "
I dont understnad you're situation bc i havent passed by it but i hope this helps i found it on...

Answer 9

If you're not in love with a soldier, you can't know adventure. You don't know smelly gray PT uniforms that require a daily washing. You can't understand green and brown camouflaged bags flooding your bedroom floor.

If you're not in love with a soldier, you can't understand the meaning of the phrase "going to the field" and the weeks you spend away from each other.

If you're not in love with a soldier, you can never imagine the hole in your heart when that phone call comes? "Honey, I am leaving tomorrow to go overseas. I don't know how long I will be gone or exactly where I am going, but I want you to know that I love you - always!"

If you're not in love with a soldier, you don't know what it's like to say that final good-bye. You don't know what it really means to be glued to the television. You don't understand fear and you can't possibly understand the sleepless nights of endless crying wondering if you will ever see the love of your life alive again.

If you're not in love with a soldier, you can't know the immense joy, the uncontrollable smile, or the butterflies in your stomach when you see your soldier march into the family waiting area upon redeployment. You can't understand the self-control it takes to stand on the other side of the room as some higher-up gives a seemingly endless welcome home speech while all the soldiers stand in formation. You don't know what it's like to have that second first kiss or what it's like to experience puppy love all over.

If you're not in love with a soldier, you can't truly understand how to make every moment count because you never know when that phone call may come again.

If you're not in love with a soldier, you can never really understand how very delicate life is!

Answer 10

Send him an email daily, even if it's just a hi how are you today. Send him letters. We all think about home and our loved ones just as much as you think about us. It sucks to have to miss birthdays, aniversarys, parties, waking up next to our loved one. Join a gym and get into shape for him, or join a walking club. Take some classes at the community college or volunteer at a school. Just stay busy, time flies quickly over here and he'll be home soon!