My son is 5 years old and while he cleans up his room (under severe protest) he doesn't do anything else. I was wondering what people think is a good age to get him into doing some chores, and what kinds of things and what incentives should I offer?
2007-03-25 17:21:39 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
I agree with all those who say that from the earliest age possible. Chores are a result of being a member of a family. Everyone pitches in to their own ability. Have a family meeting and discuss equality within the family and ask for his opinion - he'll know what the correct answer should be.
Money, gifts and bribes should not be a motivator. It teaches children that something is only worth doing if they are getting paid for it or that everything has a price.
You and your husband have to set the example for your children. Make a chore chart, including you and your partner. When kids are raised learning that everyone helps out and it is not an issue, they are sure to follow. Rotate chores, let the child choose some of their favourites regularly.
For non-compliance, consider taking away something that matters. A favourite toy is put aside until the chore is completed. An outing (as simple as going for a play date) is delayed until the chore is done. Don't fight about it. It is not worth the effort.
Verbal re-inforcement works the best to keep up the behaviour. Watch how he puffs up with pride when you and his dad tell him how much his - let's say, matching socks in the laundry saved you so much time and energy (it probably added on 10 minutes to your routine, but hey, he feels great about himself!) and will want to help out again.
Good luck, it's not too late to change bad habits. Your future daughter-in-law with thank you!
2007-03-26 01:51:11 · answer #1 · answered by Calluna 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For his bedroom you might want to try doing things in stages - for instance, send him in to pick up all the books, then the clothes, etc. Also, don't wait until it is a complete disaster, and try to build pride in a neatly-kept room.
I think that for a number of years it is good for the child to do chores WITH you - you wash the dishes, he rinses. You sort laundry together. You put laundry in the washer, he puts in the detergent. I got my kids two lil mops when they were little and we all mopped together! By doing the chores together, you will develop a closer relationship, PLUS he will learn to do them correctly. He will not mind nearly as much as if you just sent him off to do them himself. After a few years of doing things with you, you can let him do a few things on his own. One of my best ideas when my kids were the age of your son was to do most of the dishes then leave a few soaking in really hot water. By the time the water cooled, the dishes would be pretty clean, and I'd send the child in to 'wash dishes.' There were not so many dishes that the child got discouraged - just enough so they felt like they were really doing them. Because the dishes had already soaked, the child could get them clean. Bit by bit I turned various chores over to my kids. By the time they were 10 they could wash dishes and put them away, vacuum, sweep, mop, dust, do their own laundry, keep their rooms clean, change sheets, wash the dog, rake, weed, clean the bathrooms, and I don't remember what else. Not that they had to do those things constantly, but they did know how to do them. I started a chore chart when they were about 8 and 9 or 9 and 10, and I just put on there the things I thought they did anyway, and immediately they started spending a WHOLE lot more time doing chores, which let me know that they were not doing nearly what I thought they were when I did not have a clear system for it. It is SO IMPORTANT that kids learn a work ethic from their parents - good for you for being so concerned! Some kids are just more resistant to this than others, but it still needs to be worked on.
2007-03-25 19:36:39 · answer #2 · answered by Cris O 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My son is 4 1/2 - he cleans his room and feeds the cats (when asked and reminded to). He doesn't do it without complaining most of the time. But that's what chores are for! My 7 year old does a few more chores, but I still have to remind him. Even when they're younger than that, they can learn to pick up their toys, etc. Clean up after themselves.
Offer an allowance, but ONLY if the chores are done well and when you request they be done. No whining.
2007-03-26 02:57:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My daughter is 2 and she picks up her room and her toys in the living room when she gets out. I think the right age to start them on chores is as soon as they can understand what you want them to do. I don't mean saddle them with 8 hours of work every day but a 5 year old can feed the dog or take out the garbage. My parents used to offer us a dime for every chore like that we did around the house. Or you could offer a special trip like to the zoo or to a favorite restaurant. Kids need to learn how to pick up after them selves and learn that mom needs help sometimes too!
2007-03-25 18:40:08 · answer #4 · answered by llllll_amanda_lllllll 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
well at five my daughter was(still is at 12) setting the table.
unloading the dishwasher, and taking care of the kitty cats needs (water and food). Also dusting is a good one.
at age 8 or 9 I can't remember which I upped it to loading the dishwasher and scooping the litter. At age 12 she now does her own laundry( so I don't have to hear I have nothing to wear).
Incentives, well we have a star chart and for a weeks completed chores she got to go to the dollar tree or save it for something big like swimming at the public pool, or the movies. I do not do allowance as I believe we are all part of the family and need to do our share. But she gets rewards for completed chores and earns money by doing special projects,like cleaning the van inside and out, weeding,so on and so forth.
Hope this helped
Morgaine
2007-03-25 18:12:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your son is old enough to do 'chores' around the house and its best to teach him these responsibilities right now that he is young. He can do things like picking up his clothes/shoes off the floor, picking up his toys and putting them away, helping you clear the table (with supervision!), dusting, organizing the dvd tower, etc.
Making it a game where you two do these things together, might help him feel more motivated. Make these things part of your daily routine. You might even want to try a chore chart and give him a sticker every time he completes a chore. Remember, you want to set him up to succeed. Don't set unrealistic expectations (for example, don't give a list of 10 chores he must do within an hour). Since you're having trouble with him getting him to clean his room, start there. You can make a chart with things he needs to do in his room (do the bed, pick up the toys, and put his clothes away) and then add a sticker every time he completes something on it. 5yrs olds LOVE stickers! After you get him used to having his room nice and clean, move on to other places in the house. :) I really recommend behavior charts.
Praise is an excellent incentive. "You did such a great job picking up your room" and "Thank you very much for helping me with the clearing the table". Since he's five and probably about to start school (or just started) this would be a good time to have the 'he's a big boy now and has to act like one' talk; this will make it something positive because it means he's growing up. Other incentives are extra play time, he gets to pick a book to read before bed time, he can stay up later on the weekend, etc. Try not to make it about him getting toys or extra desserts. Toys are hard on your wallet and extra sweets are bad for him. Of course, once in a while they are ok.
Good luck!
2007-03-25 17:40:16 · answer #6 · answered by Dizzy 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Take privileges away until he completes his chores!!!
It's NEVER too early to begin a chore list for children!!!!!!!!!
My grand daughters were cleaning their rooms, folding their own clothes, putting away their own clothes, vacuuming, setting the table for meals, cleaning the table after meals and picking up dog poop by the age of 4. The are 10 now and have great work ethics. They're a joy to be around. When they stay with me - they do all kinds of things for me.
2007-03-26 03:32:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's great that you're trying to get your son to do things around the house. I would say he can help you with his room, obviuosly, with setting the table, and things like that. You know him better than anyone and know what he can or can't do, so just follow your instinct.
In terms of incentives, it all depends on what he likes and what you want him to do. It is always best if the incentive is somehow related to the chore. For example, Becky, my oldest daughter loves watching TV (as do most kids, I guess) so I have her tidy up the living room and then let her watch some TV in there. This way she has learnt to value the things we do for her, she sure doesn't like it when her brother messes the living room up again...
2007-03-25 17:30:02 · answer #8 · answered by mother_of_three_ 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
As soon as possible is my thoughts. I just recently started my daughter (she is 9) but I wish I would have sooner. It was always easier to do it myself but since I started making her do her own chores I have so much more time to myself. She takes 15 minutes to clean her room every night she also takes some time over the weekend to dust, vacum, and organize her room. She does her own laundry and folds and put it away!. It is so wonderful. The sooner you can get your child to help out the better.
2007-03-26 03:16:05 · answer #9 · answered by Cheyenne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
we have a 9 year old, 5 year old (both boys) and a 4 year old girl.
she loves to help....although we do most of the work behind her. the boys HATE chores....the 9 year old takes out the trash, the 5 year old bucks EVERYTHING we ask him to do. We take away the things he loves the most, but it doesn't work.
What does work is when I say things like....'You know, I don't feel like making dinner tonight....or snacks, or after school snacks tomorrow....I think I just won't.' He flips....that usually motivates him....he doesn't want to do things, and when he realizes I don't wanna cook or clean, or play....it usually works.
The girl is gonna be a lot easier I think....but the 9 year old has learned already (from his father) that if he goofs things up enough the first few times, we will stop asking.....DON'T.....keep on keepin' on....show him again and again......
We also use a star system.....one month of stars is a trip to Chuck E Cheeses.....(which we hate) but it is good incentive for them.
2007-03-25 17:34:33 · answer #10 · answered by melissa 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋