Would you rate this poem for me? I wrote it(and yes it's copyrighted) and I want some feed back. thanks!?

Question

If only she were aware,
Her splintered heart would be screaming in pain.
And the guilt coating your insides like glue,is apparently blocking your conscience.You see, you really are a good person.The thought seems to just accidentally slip your mind.
And you forget to tell her that maybe,When you said you wanted to watch the tears race on the window paneOr stare at the endless swirl of color, Which is abstract, but somehow oddly concrete on the barn wall,With her right by your side,
You aren’t sure if you meant anything at all,When you knelt down and asked her that question.
But you could have, of course.
Maybe you don’t want her to hold your hand
When it’s cold and the other is too warm.
You could just as easily press your hand against the window
Where I watch my own tears race.
So they would both be just as cold.
To even out the temperature So I could, in a way, make you comfortable again.I am, as always, just a very close friend

Answer 1

wow. this was good!! congratulations!

you should go into fictionpress.com and publish it there... I think you will get more reviews.. and from people who are more into poetry than here.

I loved it!! the words used.. I dunno what was it, but I liked it a lot

Answer 2

first of all I was totally bored with it because i lost interst when it came to the middle..also u start by using plain direct language, and then ur go it to these abstract notions which is a really a startling jump....and frankly i dont get it...

tennysons poetry was meant to be read between the lines.. thing were never plain to see like maybe browning... the point is, if your using feelings and words and imagery choose one style of writing...direct or abstract,..... using both is making it dull and ur loosing the essense of the poem...

FYI..art is subjective and this is only MY opinion

Answer 3

I do not like the poem. My apology. I lost interest, and it was plain nonsense.

Your lecture needs to be organized as well. However, good job; at least you are trying.

Answer 4

Wonderfull *************

hope me to be your friend. Really a very nice poem, i enjoyed ir better you publish it in some other website where you can increase your talent and get credit to your work...........

Answer 5

Very good.

Answer 6

it rambles to much condense and use what has the most emotion

Answer 7

good work!