My daughter, who is 17 has started seeing a guy that has a girl friend. I know this because this guy lives with his girlfriend and their two children. The girl friend goes to work and my daughter goes over.
How do I stop my daughter from seeing him.? I know this is wrong and have told her your not suppse to date someone elses boyfriend. I tell her is it not really dating, just her missing around with someone elses boyfriend.
She hints that she also knows this is wrong but still continues to go over to his house.
Some would say just ground her or tell her that she CAN NOT see him any more. BUT that will NOT work.
She will be 18 soon and tells me after that she can see anyone she wants and no one (meaning me) can do anything about it.
Yes, she still lives at home and NO, the she lives under my roof and has to do what I say will work with her either.
I can't call the cops on him cause he really has not done anything illegal.
2007-03-25 17:19:03 · 10 answers · asked by LadyCatherine 7 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
How do I also explain to her that this guy is just using her and it will NEVER go any where.?
Even if he did not have a girl friend this guy is a LOSER!!
No job, still lives at home, has been divorced, (im not saying that part is that bad) is 28 and has 5 kids. All of which he does NOT support since he is not working.
How can my daughter pick a guy like this.? NO ONE she is around dates guys like this. I DO NOT date guys like this. NONE of her family members are like this.
Please tell me this is a faze and will pass.? Or a way to keep her away from h im with out her knowing its me.
I thought about going up to him and telling him to leave her alone but that will get back to her and will make things worse.
2007-03-25 17:25:41 · update #1
I have thought about telling his girlfriend but I really do not want to embarass her, the only time I would be able to get her alone is when she is at work and I really would not want to do that to anyone.
That I really do not know how she would react. I have been around others that have messed around on other and there was gun fire or knives or cars being distroyed. Or even worse, someone going to the hospital.
We live in that kind of world were I do not know what she might do if the girl friend might find out.
2007-03-25 17:35:34 · update #2
In the state that I live in I can not press charges on him . Unless she admits they have had sex, which she will NOT.
In the state I am in Kentucky, she can date a 28 year old. I checked.
2007-03-25 17:43:50 · update #3
You're right, there's little you can do isnce she is almost 18, and if the old, "You're living in my house so you'll follow my rules" isn't working you have some decisions to make. What she is doing is wrong and you have to decide how far to take it.
1. Is this important enough for you to put her out of the house? If she's grown up enough to make a decision like this is she grown up enough to fend for herself?
2. Let the girlfriend know that your daughter is seeing this man. She may put a stop to it, or stop seeing the man herself.
3. Technically she is underage, and I'm assuming that he's an adult because he has two kids with this woman. Do you want to try pressing charges? Just the threat, or the thought of being involved with the police may be enough to make them stop.
4. Talk to the man. Explain that it's wrong, you'll tell the girlfriend, the effect on the kids, what if it was his daughter or the girlfriend was doing this to him, etc.
5. Do nothing. Let her experience the natural consequences of her actions. Eventually the girlfriend will find out and the stuff will hit the fan. She'll have to deal with it herself.
6. Get one of her friends or someone she respects to talk to her about it.
Good luck!
2007-03-25 17:30:35 · answer #1 · answered by TeacherLady 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Ask her how she would feel if her father started seeing someone on the side. Point out thats what she's doing- she's ruining those children's chances of their parents (or mom and moms boyfriend) having a stable, happy, normal relationship, and those children having a happy household to grow up in. Point out that this guy is a sleeze- he's getting women pregnant left and right and not taking care of them. How would she feel raising this mans child by herself? This guy is probably loaded with stds, as well. Make sure she gets checked, even if you don't use it as an arguing point. Getting tested should scare some reality into her. Find out why she's dating someone elses boyfriend in the first place. Where does she expect it to go? Is he going to dump his girlfriend, leave the kids and run away with your daughter? Most likely, the girlfriend will find out whats going on and that'll be the end of that. If he's already cheating, he'll cheat on your daughter, too. And yes, if this guy is 28 and she's 17, he has done something illegal. The age of consent is 16, or 6 or 7 years between partners. Legally, if they're sleeping together, he's commiting pedophilia.
I hate to say it, but I wouldn't be all that surprised if its drug related, and he's her dealer, not her boyfriend. That may be why she dosen't care that she's 'dating' someone elses boyfriend. It may be a front for you. "Dating" would explain why she's always over there and why she spends time with him. It will piss her off to no end, but you can get at-home drug tests. I'd give it a try. I know people who have used the 'dating' excuse before, and it isn't all that unusual.
Edit:
Okay, HOW do you tell her? As one adult to another. Be very honest and upfront about it. She's at a time when she's very sensitive to being treated like a child. Let her know you're worried, and why, but don't nag her. Ask specific questions, and keep calm. Keep your voice soft, and don't yell at her, even if she starts yelling at you. Be patient- its obviously a sore subject. Don't demand anything of her, just explain exactly why you think what you do. Good luck!
And like someone else said.. is this important enough to you to threaten to kick her out? If she's an adult, let her be one. Or just start charging rent. Where is she going to go.. go live with him?I'm sure the girlfriend would be thrilled about that. If you want to let the girlfriend know without embarassing her at work, why not write a letter, even anonymously, letting her know that she should stop home during a lunch break one of these days. Just address it to her and drop it in their mailbox.
2007-03-25 17:43:28 · answer #2 · answered by paintmeblue719 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should have a real heart -to-heart with your daughter. If she's sneaking in while the girlfriend is at work, what makes her think that on the days that she's not over there, that he doesn't have other girls there? He's just using her for a little excitement. He's bored and she's nothing more than cap-nip to him. She should value herself more than that. The guy has a girlfriend and two kids. What exactly is she expecting from him? She's never going to get anything more from him other than sex. How does she know the girlfriend isn't going to find out and hunt her down?
I had a friend that was doing the same thing. She wouldn't listen to what her other friends and I were saying to her about this man. The girlfriend came home early and caught them in bed together and by the time it was over, my friend looked like she had been in a car accident. It took getting the hell beat out of her to make her realize exactly what she was doing. I just hope that your daughter doesn't have to go through the same experience to wake up and move on.
He is 10 years older than her. You CAN press charges.
2007-03-25 17:36:25 · answer #3 · answered by Cynthia E 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Well, I am 16 and even I think that what she is doing is bad.
My oldest sister slept with a guy who was dating someone as well and when i confronted her about it, she just said it was no big deal, everybody did it. I responded with a, everybody with no morals does it but people who actually care whether or not they hurt somebody else doesn't. :-D Then she called me the c**t word. I seriously don't understand what happened to her along the way. It's really sad. lol
But this isn't about me, this is about your daughter. The reason why I told you that little story was because I want you to know that I managed to eventually guilt my sister into never doing it again. She can do what she wants so if she decided not to do it again, that means that she had some type of conscience about it.
You said that your daughter hinted that she felt bad about it, which means that she does have a conscience. You could play on it. Talk to her about everything that is wrong about the situation. Not just once but over and over again. try asking her how she would feel if she was the girlfriend. She may not feel like she has to do what you say but she does have to hear you unless she suddenly goes deaf. Your 'nagging' will get through to her with persistance. Hopefully.
She's young and probably thinks she knows everything, which means that until she grows up, starts living and going through heartbreak herself, she'll probably keep up with this type of behaviour.
I suppose you pay for her things, cellphone, TV, phone billl, her bed, ect. You could take those privelages away and tell her if she wants them back, she'll have to treat you with respect or pay for them herself. But since you pay the bills and not she, you can do this since it is technically your stuff.
She'll probably be really mad at you for it, but this is the typical teenage response. Ahem, I might have done this myself a few times and I told my mom I hated her. Sorry mom. But it's tough love, she'll probably thank you for it later.
Just think, eventually she'll have her own kids and she'll have to go through this herself. What revenge is sweeter?
(I just want to clarify that I do not have children of my own, so my advice is not coming from personal experience as a parent but more of personal experience of a teenager)
Good luck and sorry if you reading this was a complete waste of your time. I tried lol.
2007-03-25 17:42:04 · answer #4 · answered by Katie W 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It is most likely just a faze. My mom used to freak out about unbelieveable losers I've dated when I was young (none with kids though). The way she helped to end my stupid little infatuations is to take me away on a trip. We'd go some fun place together and i'd forget all about the stupid guy I was dating. Take her to some place nice. Help her feel that she deserves far better than someone else's recycled BF. If she's dating someone else's man she surely has some serious self-esteem issues. Help her boost her self esteem, she won't need him anymore.
2007-03-25 18:43:11 · answer #5 · answered by Snowflake 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Everything you do to attempt to interfere at this point will force your daughter even deaper into the relationship. Your daughter is a young woman and makes her own choices, this will have to run its course no matter what the outcome. Sometimes there is nothing you can do and you have to realize it.
2007-03-26 00:49:16 · answer #6 · answered by badmikey4 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TELL the Girlfriend. I guarantee that will change the situation.
2007-03-25 17:42:27 · answer #7 · answered by bichomau1965 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to go up to her and tell her that what she is doing is wrong and what the consequences are for doing something like that!
2007-03-25 17:26:38 · answer #8 · answered by TastyCookies 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell his girlfriend
2007-03-25 17:28:20 · answer #9 · answered by hlind28 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Get him for statutory rape right now while she is still underage.
2007-03-25 17:37:37 · answer #10 · answered by noone 6 · 3⤊ 3⤋