Feeling sad dunno why. Help???

Question

My girlfriend and I just got back together after 1 week fighting about some online gay guy she liked and he liked her in returned. I'll refer to him as Bob. They never met in person and they have more in common but she recently found out that he lied to her about his boyfriends death two years ago and I assumed he lied for pity points. She was doing research on a local band and found out that Bob's bf is still alive and isnt gay but dating a girl for 3 years. The dates dont match up and when she approached him, he doesnt have a real excuse and he would twist the argument and say she's just like everyone else he ever met and that she is getting too involved him his personal life. I explained to her that he's playing a game and pinning her down, but that makes me look like the bad guy because i obviously don't like him and it seems like i'm just trash talking him. Anyway, I managed to spend enough time with her and take her out and we decided to get together. She told me that Bob

is nothing more than a friend now, and I encourage her to find out the truth about him. I want her to be fully convinced that he is lying, which she tried number of times but she kinda just gave up. Now she tells me that they are online friends and the text, chat, phone, etc which I'm fine with. She doesnt have any friends in CA and I encourage her to make friends as long as she doesnt go any furthur. However, as much as I believe this, it worries me because we lost a lot after we broke up. I don't trust her as much but also I don't want to control her life. I love her a lot, but she talks to me differently now. She tells me that she loves me but only after i tell her that i love her first and sometimes it sounds like she is forcing herself to say it. I spent the weekennd at her house and she was different. I just sat there quietly watching her "clean" her computer for 3 hrs. I also notice that when she chats on AIM, she turns around to look at me to see if i'm looking at the screen.

and if I am, she wont restore the chat window until I stop looking or leave the room. Even when she chats in a game, the first thing she would tell her friends is "My bf is over" then she would block everyone from talking to her instantly. This happened a few times and it annoys me but I dont know what to do. When we chat now, we hardly talk about anything at all and she always says she's busy with hw, chores, sleep, etc and instantly leaves. Sometimes i think she is lying to me and making up excuses but i can never prove it. There's a concert apr 8, and i told her 2weeks ago i might not be able to attend although I would love to attend, however it is my brothers bday. she messaged me today and said, that there's a concert apr 8 and i asked if she was going. She said if you can't go i'll go with mike or something and mike doesnt like me w/e his friend told you is a lie. I dont know thsee people, they are her online friends whom she never met. I met them through the web but they never

really respected me thus i dont respect them in return. We'll i dont know, I love her a lot, but for some reason i dont feel it in return. She hugs me, she sleeps by me, she cries if we break up, she tells me she likes me, but I dont know. What should I do? Our relationship isnt as before, it's now boring, dull, and i try to make it more interesting but theres always somethign wrong. When i ask her to go out, she would say yes then take her time doing sometime else and we can no longer go, or we end up cuddling. She says we have nothing in common, but i'm not really given a chance to experience each other outside of her room... what should I do? I love her a lot.

Answer 1

Ouch, sounds like you might have to drop her. You didn't hed the frist bit of wisdom one learns about love in the course of a lifetime: Be Darn Careful Who You Love. Ether way she apparently has problems connecting on an emotional level with people. This because even more apparent because of the way she is sorta living a double-life, darn internet, one in which she is able to a certain extent control the way people view her, and another were she isn't allowed such control. To somebody who is heathly emotionally invovled in their relationships, the internet is a poor subsite for a real life relationship. Now for someone who is working thru major/minor insecurities the internet because a playground of opporuntinites, one of the most important one is that it allows you an out in your real life relationships. You can pretend not to be dependent on them because of the hope the internet can give you. She is caught up by the pretty lights in other words, which usually means the real lights she say in the real world just scared the heck out of her.... If you want to help her you need to get her full story from her, not whats going on in her life now, no. But her whole life story, from when she remebers this life starting to the day she is sitting there talking to you. Its time to break that ego open and get inside her head and her heart... good luck it takes time and experience to know now to step down those corridors. But if you love her that much, its worth it, learn a lot about yourself along the way. Unfornatly your most likly not going to know how to break down some walls, but time, love and compassion can give you a way in...