I recently lost a baby...and had some ultra sound picutes that are new that i had just went to go get at the hosptial...the other picutures i have of her are still born and i thought i would show my parents the ultra sound pictures because they really showed my daughters face. and my father said i am eating....no i dont feel like looking at them now.
he was only eating a few chips. they were just ultra sound pictures. and he said i know your sad about the loss of the baby but life goes on you have three children and you can have more. i told him this is the only thing i have left of my daughter and you couldnt just glance at the computer and left. my oldest daughter had spent the nite with my parents and i had went to pick her up.
i love my parents and i sound like a kid crying about it but it just seems like my family doesnt understand her death has really hurt me. their attitude is i am young i can have more. should i stop talking about the baby? or they wrong
2007-03-25 16:30:26 · 10 answers · asked by jerry w 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Wanted to say no i didnt have a funeral but i am sending memorial cards in memory of her with her name and date. and i am getting her a head stone. And i believe my family thinks what is the use of purchasing something as expenisive as a head stone when her body is in heaven. i think it would be different if she was a few years old. But still she was born and i held and seen her. she is my child
2007-03-26 01:21:25 · update #1
Look its neither you shouldnt stop talking about her, and there not totoally wrong. Im so sorry for your loss. Hold on to that ultra sound Photo forever and remember herface and talk about it too. They are right, Life does go on and you have three children to take care of. As long as your sadness doesnt effect the lives of your children then be sad. Mourning is a souful step in dealing with it. What they are wanting is for you to just dont think about it. You should make a shadow box for her. If you dont know what taht is or you want ideas. Let me know i have one for my brother. I pray for you and your family. I hope this helps. My email is dvdfreak16@verizon.net. I am majoring in counseling and if you need to just type your mind to someone im willing to read.
Your New Friend,
Tim
2007-03-25 16:43:54 · answer #1 · answered by Tim 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry about the loss of your precious baby. Take time to grieve, and do find a bereavement group or counselor if you need to -- it will really help.
I'm sorry, too, that your parents aren't as supportive as you need or would like, but try not to be too hard on them. I think I understand where they are coming from: for most people, the loss of a child is so overwhelming that they cannot bear to think about it, and often cannot confront it when someone else has suffered this most devastating of losses. The other part of it may be that because you are their dear daughter, they can't bear to see you in pain -- they just want it to go away and they think if they don't look at the pictures or tell you to focus on your other children, that they are helping you to "get on with it."
You can tell them simply: "I am still grieving the loss of my child." Don't say anything else, and don't expect anything from them. In their hearts I am sure they are very sorry about this and that they love you.
Good luck, and God bless.
2007-03-25 16:41:29 · answer #2 · answered by meatpiemum 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off I am sorry for your loss. I know the feeling first hand. People who have never experienced a child of their own dying cannot put themselves in that spot. It is hard for people in general to deal with the death of a child but for the mother or parnets it's the worst. Yes, you are young and can have more but that does not erase the pain you feel for the child you lost. Having another child does not ease the pain.
In my own experience I found that talking about my deceased son was more therapeutic than most other options because know one will ever know the true pain you feel.
You should sit down with your parents and explain to them that yes you have other children and can have more but that that paticular child is gone and even though the time on Earth was short they were still here and should be remebered and treasured. I hope that you can get through your grieving and be happy again but I know that it will take time and that you will never forget that beautiful child who was.Good luck and God bless!
2007-03-25 17:10:33 · answer #3 · answered by heartcarver69 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me start by saying that I am incredibly sorry for your loss. I could not imagine losing a child.
You are allowed to grieve. You are allowed to let others know you're grieving. But some others won't understand because they never met that person. You didn't either, but you had a real connection to her. I bet you didn't have a funeral, and I bet most people wish you hadn't had one because it would have been awkward for them. Selfish, but true.
Your father sounded like he was distracted. You can't just go up to someone and say "I have pictures of my dead daughter and what she would have looked like and you need to look at them now." But then they are wrong not to take time to awknowledge that you lost someone. You may be able to make more babies, but this was YOUR baby and you lost her and it was sad and horrible and should never have happened.
I think your parents would rather forget that they will never meet their grandchild, in part because they too are sad. But before you drop the subject with them, set up a time to show them the pictures. Let them know that this has hurt you and that giving you time will help you heal.
In the meantime, I recommend seeking counseling to help you heal from all of this. It will help in the long run.
2007-03-25 16:39:32 · answer #4 · answered by Ask Aunt Amy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand for all of you. As a mother you embrace you child when you learn you are pregnant. Family doesn't really get to embrace you child until it is born. The pictures that you have, you should hold them dear to you. Ask people if they would like to see them, give them that option. Some people just can't deal with grief as well as others. If they don't want to see them, oh well. And for your parents, the child that you lost wasn't a part of them yet. You can't expect them to feel the same about the lose as you do. It is a very difficult situation. I'm sorry you had to go through that, but life does go on. Just hold it dear to you.
2007-03-25 16:39:15 · answer #5 · answered by t2ensie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe its a stratgey of some sort to get you to stop thinking about it. They sound a little harsh, but they also have a point whether you like to hear it or not. You DO have other children. I KNOW this kind of thing really takes a toll on a woman, A suggestion would be to maybe spend some quiet time by yourself. Maybe they dont want to make it " a big deal" because they don't want to see your hurt anymore. Maybe they just want you to get passed it and live for your other children.
My family does thing this way, I hate it lol but I can't change them.
2007-03-25 16:40:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
each and each man or woman deals with grief of their personal way - meaning that's absolutely not "your way." All you may do is concentration on providing human beings convenience with kinds words (e.g., "i'm so sorry on your loss") and different assistance (plant existence, foodstuff, cleansing their residing house, helping with funeral arrangements, etc.). it really is your husband's mom and no count number number how he deals mutually with his loss, you're there to help him. would not count number number in case you sense on the fringe of his kinfolk or no longer. they ought to have lined you interior the obit (my Uncle's kinfolk left his personal sister, my mom!, off the obit!). It became impolite that they did not. yet so what? You concentration on your husband and your relatives... and also you. you've been by a lot this previous 3 hundred and sixty 5 days (transferring on my own is a huge stressor!). once you seem back on those not ordinary days, you'd be satisfied you behaved wisely (compared to some human beings). P.S. It takes time to make new acquaintances in any community, carry in there!
2016-12-02 19:49:50 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your daughter wasn't "real" to your father yet. I know this has to be painful for you. Try talking to other women that have been through the same kind of loss. They would probably be more help to you than people that haven't had to deal with this.
2007-03-25 19:07:27 · answer #8 · answered by J D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can only imagine how hard it is to lose a child, but you have look at this way (everything happens for a reason). Keep your chin, up and try to beat yourself so much. I am sure God is going to bless you with another child, maybe even more.
2007-03-25 16:50:12 · answer #9 · answered by rocketpop19 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its perfectly normal to grieve your child you lost and no other child can replace the child you lost .sometimes its hard not to get caught up in the why,perhaps there was some reason unknown to you that it didn't work but feel free to express your feelings to your love ones.its perfectly okay and normal to feel a great loss.you have .i hope at one point you will find a place to settle this in your heart so that you will be able to continue.
2007-03-25 16:37:22 · answer #10 · answered by resigned 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋