she fell without a sound
she hit the ground.
her blood started pouring
no one knew till morning
that my momma was murdered
cause thats not what they heard.
two girls now have no momma
they are hurt by this trauma.
alone and scared,
this is how they faired
with the night that would divide
them, now with no where to hide
the little one was adopted to
people that she already knew.
her mommas brother and his wife
were gonna get her a new life.
now shes older
and he grows colder
with each breath she takes.
he is dieing for her sake(s)
he loved her with all his heart
now again she has to start
a life away from someone
she loves. why is this done
to her? she didnt ask for this.
then he sits up and gives her a kiss.
her life isnt as bad anymore
their together behind the door.
-----------------------------------------------------
did u like it its not very good cause this one i tried to rhyme but oh well. when they dont rhyme their a lot easier
to write w/ my heart
2007-03-25 16:26:26 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Too much abababababababab, try switching it up a little
ex.
the crowd was dead
no one said a word
it was so cold
as the boy read
everyone heard
what he had told
the next line doesn't have to rhyme with the one directly above it.
2007-04-02 06:11:18 · answer #1 · answered by jr 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, sweetie I will be honest with you. I think you might have potential, but you need to work a lot harder on it. The first part was pretty morbid and the rest of it really didn't make a lot of sense. Plus, if you want to make the poem rhyme, you need to make all of it rhyme, not just parts of it. Don't give up. Keep trying.
2007-04-02 23:17:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rhyming isn't always what makes a poem it is the words and how they touch the one reading it. You touched me, please continue to write, writing is an outlet, whether realistic or not, it is how the reader is held in awe. Tears I may shed, because of the words I read, no matter how you tread, there are years that well be shed, the heart will mend, and the sorrow will end, until then we will remember things that we are told to let no man put asunder. God Bless.
2007-03-31 16:59:31 · answer #3 · answered by Bethy4 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Writing is a very good and healthy outlet. Keep it up and don't let anyone discourage you. Always follow your heart when writing. The best writing is that which comes from a real place. It not only helps you but may also help someone else who is going through what you are/have.
2007-03-25 23:35:15 · answer #4 · answered by Starrlyte 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes,i do.It comes well across.Never worry about the rhyme,it sometimes spoil your poem.You only have to listen to your heart and write them down as soon as it is formed in your mind and also in the exact mood.It makes your audience understand more.Best of luck! The sky is your limit!
2007-04-02 15:44:27 · answer #5 · answered by ajoke77 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thank You. I indeed like it. Keep on writing, next time lets not worry about the ryhme. You were good at it but you can tell certain parts were well less from the soul. Quick question is anything of this true ? Let me know: dvdfreak16@verizon.net
A listner of yours,
Tim
2007-03-25 23:49:33 · answer #6 · answered by Tim 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man that was good rhyming but so very sad. I hope this is not your life.
2007-04-02 14:34:10 · answer #7 · answered by donna_honeycutt47 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOWOW..That was a really good poem..That is alright if they don't rhyme..As long as you like it then that is fine..Keep up the good work!!!
2007-04-02 17:40:50 · answer #8 · answered by sunshine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes , I did like it . Keep upthe good work . Follow your dreams .
2007-04-01 22:02:00 · answer #9 · answered by dolores h 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You go girl! Thirteen wow, keep it up it will only get better.
Stay up and smart
2007-03-30 23:52:36 · answer #10 · answered by TraDeni 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋