I have Postnatal Depression, Should I tell my close friends? I dont want their sympathy.?

Question

Ive been recently diagnosed with Postnatal depression. Ive only told my Husband and Best friend. Should I tell my other friends for their support. I feel I'd be admitting defeat to the depression if I tell people. I think Im in denial?

I forgot to add that my baby is now nearly 7mths old and this depression really snuck up on me. I just thought I was getting a little overwealmed tackling three children. Then one day it all was just too much and then I went to the doc after my husband begged me to because I didnt think anything was wrong with me. I am now on Anti depressants. We'll see how they go.....

Answer 1

Stop fighting it as if it is the enemy. That only makes you tired. Try to be like the bamboo in the wind, bending and swaying, bowing, unlike the tall oak which stands into the winds and can be broken.

Now, you have a husband and dear friend who know. I bet they were glad to have confirmation of something they most likely suspected. What are good friends for if not support and caring? I have a feeling what you are afraid of is public tears in front of them all if their love makes you feel vulnerable enough to cry.Think in terms of just a stage to pass through! You walked in one door and you will eventually walk out the other.

Having a baby is a source of happiness but, as a new mother, you may be very far from feeling this straight away. You may well go through a short period of feeling emotional and tearful, which may be brief and manageable (the 'baby blues'), or you may develop deeper and longer-term depression (postnatal depression). Very rarely, a new mother may experience an extremely severe form of depression, known as puerperal psychosis.

The baby blues arrive shortly after the birth, and are regarded as normal. You may feel very emotional and liable to burst into tears, for no apparent reason, or for reasons that may seem quite trivial to other people. You may find it difficult to sleep even when the baby lets you and you may not feel like eating. You may feel anxious, sad, guilty, and afraid that you are not up to being a mother. Doctors suggest that the baby blues may be due to changes in hormone levels that happen after the birth. The baby blues don’t last long, usually only a few days. If the depression goes on for longer, however, or gets worse, it may be a turning into postnatal depression.

Postnatal depression happens to one in ten new mothers. This strikes when the baby is between four and six months old, although it can emerge at any time in the first year. It can come on gradually or all of a sudden, and can range from being relatively mild to very hard-hitting. There is some evidence that about half of these women are afraid to tell health visitors about the way they are feeling because they are afraid it will lead to social services taking away their children, or that they would be seen as bad mothers.

Some of the signs of PND include:

You are feeling very low, or despondent, thinking that nothing is any good, that life is a long, grey tunnel, and that there is no hope.

You are feeling tired and very lethargic, or even quite numb. Not wanting to do anything or take an interest in the outside world.

You might suffer a feeling of inadequacy; feeling unable to cope. You might feel guilty about not coping or not loving your baby enough. Between these feelings and lack of sleep you become unusually irritable, which makes the guilt worse. You might find yourself acting hostile or indifferent to your husband or baby. Chances are you have little interest in sex.

You might suffer from obsessive fears about the baby's health or wellbeing, or about yourself and other members of the family. You want to cry a lot and have lost your appetite. This might also go with feeling hungry all the time but unable to eat.

You might have difficulty sleeping, not getting to sleep, waking frequently, waking early, or having vivid nightmares. Then there are the physical symptoms, such as stomach pains, headaches and blurred vision.

You start having panic attacks, which strike at any time, causing rapid heartbeat, sweaty palms and feelings of sickness or faintness. You also have an overpowering anxiety, often about things that wouldn't normally bother you, such as being alone in the house. You might have difficulty in concentrating or making decisions.

You might begin having thoughts about death. You may feel as if you are going mad or completely out of control. You may be afraid to tell anyone about these feelings. It's important to realize that having these thoughts don’t mean that you are actually going to harm yourself or your children. The more you can talk about this with someone you trust, the less likely you will be to act on them.

Suddenly your own freedom to come and go as you please has disappeared. When you do take the baby out, the pram or buggy turns familiar routes into obstacle-courses, and buses and shops are suddenly hard to use. All too often, you are alone in the house. And you may feel totally exhausted.

Becoming a mother involves many losses, not only of freedom, but also of income, of independence, and of your sense of who you are. It also involves a great many new joys and pleasures that are there to discover.

Becoming a mother alters the relationship between you and your husband. You may have given up a job, if only temporarily, and will find yourself financially dependent on someone else, perhaps for the first time in your adult life.

However that is how nature intended things to be. Even when the baby is a second or third one, there are still adjustments to be made, because each new baby changes the family as a whole. In a way, it gives birth to a new family, and all its members have to get used to that.

Mothers do not enjoy high status in the West, and there are hardly any rituals to honour them, or celebrate their new role. Rituals help us to adjust. In one part of India, after birth the mother does no housework for 40 days, just lies in bed with the baby, and the women of the family, all sit around bringing her presents, singing and gossiping and telling stories. Every day, the midwife comes and gives her and the baby a massage.

Customs like this give the new mother a breathing space to recover from the birth and get to know her new baby. They affirm her in her role as mother, and give her a chance to gain knowledge and skills from other women in the family. And they help raise the self-esteem of these women as mothers. We have lost this.

You may also feel upset at the appearance of your body after childbirth. You may have unrealistic expectations about how soon your body may return to its normal size and shape after giving birth, and be upset by stretch marks or scars. Usually weight is lost gradually over a period of months rather than weeks, and scars will fade with time.

The hormones oestrogen and progesterone affect emotions. Levels of progesterone are very high during pregnancy. PND can be caused by the sudden drop in progesterone after the birth.

PND usually gets better in time, although it may take up to a year. Love, support and nurture from family, friends and community can be vital in helping you to cope. It's important to feel understood and supported.

A sympathetic listener, who can hear about your feelings and worries without judging, can bring enormous relief. It could be a health visitor, a community psychiatric nurse, a counselor, or a volunteer from a self-help organization. Talk to other new parents. Meeting others in the same position as you will give you a chance to realize you are not alone, and above all to get some emotional and practical support. It can also help to affirm you in your new role. Go to parent-and-baby groups locally.

Lack of sleep, anxiety and poor concentration make another vicious spiral. If your baby takes a bottle, try to get someone to take over the night feeds, if only for a night or two. If you are breastfeeding only, place the baby's cot next to your bed, so that you can feed with minimal of disruption. In time, you and the baby will fall into a natural rhythm of sleeping and waking, and this makes the night feeds much less stressful and tiring.

Don't try to do too much round the house; you and the baby are much more important. If you are having a lot of broken nights, try to sleep when the baby does, and, if at all possible, have people to help you out with daily responsibilities, so that you can rest during the day. This is not the time to be superwoman!

Physical activity is an antidepressant, especially if it's enjoyable. Try swimming, dance, yoga or T'ai Chi. Many young moms start running while pushing a stroller. I traveled lightly with my babies. A diaper, a plastic bag and warm cloth, and I was set to go.

Answer 2

I have been suffering from post partum depression for the past one year when I gave birth to a baby boy. I couldn't stop thinking about how my husband loves him more than me and how things might be better if he wasn't born at all. Thus, I stayed away from him because I knew that I might do something I will regret for the rest of my life.

Almost instantly I went to a therapist and convince them that I need help. Among other things, I've tried herbal supplements and other book to treat depression but nothing works like the Depression Free Method. So now I'm proud to say I'm one of the happiest mother in the world. My husband loves us both very much and I thank the Lord for the blessing he gave us.

Depression Free Method?

Answer 3

Possible denial here, but you are admitting you have postnatal depression, so that is half the battle. I see no harm in telling friends. Let them know you are having a hard time of emotions right now and need their freindship, but not their sympathy. Be honest with them and they will help you thru it. After all, is that not what friends do? Good luck, this mood will not last forever.

Answer 4

Postnatal depression is an extremely common condition and therefore your friends should understand your situation. You are depressed because your hormones are out of whack--your body hasn't been able to readjust to your prenatal levels and while it "fixes itself" you're feeling the effects via depression.

You should not feel that you have anything to hide, and it might make you feel better telling your close friends. Let them know that you are telling them because you need support, not sympathy, and they in turn will respect that.

Answer 5

Sounds like you are in denial, but don't feel bad. Who in the hell wants to admit that there is something wrong with them. I have genetic pancreatitis, and I'm destined to die at an early age. I had to admit this to myself to prepare. In order for us to get any better, then we have to admit what our problems are. I'll give you an example. If a drug addict gets put in a rehab and never admits they have a problem and goes threw the whole program. When he/she leaves, most likely the drug habit will return. If he/she would admit it, then they have a better chance of getting help.
About telling people. You will know when the right time is to tell them. Explain yourself. Tell them you don't want sympathy, you just want them to listen. You could always ask your doctor about this. You also might want to get a second opinion. You never know what might come out of it. Hope this helps.

Answer 6

You are experiencing a painful time and you need the support of your family and friends to help you through this. By sharing this info with them, you are letting your needs be known, and allowing others to help you...that is far from admitting defeat. Brooke Shields wrote a book about her experiences following the birth of her first child and you might find that book full of valuable insights that will help you.

Depression is very serious. I hope that you are seeing your doctor and/or a therapist to help you during this difficult time.

Best wishes.

Answer 7

I am happy that you have been diagnosed and that your husband and best friend know and can help you.

as much as you probably want to tell them, you know that there are going to be a few that won't support you, and that will think you are crazy.

if you can get past that feeling, then i say go for it.

I havent had the opportunity to be diagnosed, but i had a breakdown (hubby is deployed) and told my friends and lost 3.

Answer 8

While I think it would be great if you could receive support from your friends, postnatal depression, and all mental illnesses are "taboo" in our society. It may be difficult for some of your friends to understand what you are going through. I would probably only tell those who are closest to me (that I can tell anything to, and who are really able to support me). What can your other friends really do for you anyhow?

Answer 9

I think you just let it be, for afterwards you gonna realize it's gone. I mean don't be obssessed about telling or not telling them, just if they asked, and don't hide it at the same time. The first step, I think, is to accept depression; the second is to treat it as a thing that u can absolutely vanquish, and YOU CAN! with the help of a loving husband and family.
Good luck

Answer 10

Everybody needs a little lift and reassurance sometimes.

People sometimes hide things so that they won't feel inferior to others around them, don't be afraid of their support, if they are truly friends they will be with you and could help you through it.

Hope everything gets cleared up and you feel much better mentally!

Answer 11

Only those you see often or you feel a closeness. Just tell them your reason for telling it is so the will not think your weird if you should act strange. It is hormonal and you cannot help it. You may also want their help should they notice behavior that is too strange, they need to tell you or your husband.
What are friends for if not to be there when you need them.