Why is staying in an abusive situation supposed to be good for you?

Question

I keep reading responses by people who seem to think that being bullied is good for you, that it helps you for later in life, and that for that reason, you shouldn't be homeschooled.

Bullying is a form of abuse. http://www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/40002099/ Children who are bullied psychologically can have the same sort of symptoms of abuse as a child who is psychologically abused by a parent, including depression. Or a person who is psychologically abused by their spouse. When it gets physical, there's no difference between the physical abuse of a peer or the physical abuse of an adult toward a child--both hurt.

Would you tell an abused woman to stay in an abusive situation "because it'll help you learn how to deal with people like that"? Would you say that a child should stay in an abusive home because "it'll help them learn how to deal with people like that"?

How is bullying any different? Abuse is abuse.

Homeschooling doesn't mean being locked up at home!!! I wish people would understand that.

There are a few people misconstruing my point. I'm not saying public schools should be done away with; I'm trying to understand why people keep saying that homeschooling is bad because you're not bullied. Those who have NOT been abused as kids are better equipped to deal with abuse as adults.

Answer 1

I agree 100%
I went to school back in the 70s, and I was verbally and physically abused each and every day in school. I dreaded every morning because I had no choice but to return to my place of abuse. I was very quiet and I believed in "turning the other cheek" but unfortunately it became worse and worse. Yes, I contemplated suicide, but due to my religious beliefs, that was out of the question. Although I was the smartest child in the school, I was never even "chosen" when choosing sides for academic teams, even though the team that got "stuck" with me was always the winning team.

Did this abuse make me a better person? No. On the contrary, it produced deep wounds that are still painful today. Deep down, I still think of myself as...(insert awful names here). It was difficult for me to train as a physician because I had to relate so intimately to patients and I still feared the rejection. My education and my personal growth were both seriously stunted by my public school experience.

People who advocate sticking out the abuse were certainly never victims themselves, or they would not say anything so perverse. Adults who think abuse "toughens" children for "the real world" would probably be quick to sue for harrassment if they were in a similar situation. Kids are too naive and powerless to stand up for themselves as an adult would. They may even believe the lies. Anyway, you are so right.

Answer 2

Sam's response is typical of many that I have heard also, that you need to be bullied so you can deal with bullying at 40. I haven't been bullied before, but I know that you should not put up with bullying at 10 or at 40. You should talk to your supervisor or boss about firing an abusive bully. If they don't do so, then seek employment elsewhere. You should not work at a job with a bully. Who would go to a job and face daily beatings or verbal abuse yet that is what some parents are having their children do and saying that is good for them like a "chicken pox" injection?

If you have a spouse beating you or verbally abusing you you need to leave that relationship also. I don't understand parents that think children need to have an abusive relationship so they will know what to do if they encounter an abusive relationship in the future. That seems bizarre twisted logic to me. You should never allow yourself to be abused yet the parents are thinking it is good for the kids???!!!!

Answer 3

I agree. Abuse is abuse. Bullying is wrong and some people have committed suicide because of it. One shouldn't go to public schools to get bullied. A bully can take place in your neighborhood and at school even at your church. Staying in an abusive situation in no way can help you. Life is hard home schooled, public school or even private. Throwing Bullying into the mix makes it even harder.. The choice of being home schooled or public school is not as simple as always one or the other. Each situation needs to be decided on its own merits. Yes having the opportunity to develop friendships with classmates is valuable but, no more valuable than what one gets with one on one tutoring being home schooled. Both have good points and bad so again to each their own. But in no way is bullying a positive thing!

Answer 4

It's not good for you. Bullying should be dealt with.

That being said, I do understand where the anti-homeschoolers are coming from. It is very easy for homeschool kids to be isolated and besides that not get a very good education. I knew some homeschool kids who didn't do any actual work and were completely isolated from the rest of the world.
I have also known some homeschool kids (like me) that work hard at school and do have a life outside of home (clubs, sports, part-time jobs).

The point that it "builds character" is no reason to stay in an abusive situation because the fact is that it doesn't build character, it just makes life miserable. Sure, you have to deal with difficult people in life and parents shouldn't be shielding their children from everything unpleasant, but saying that being bullied is "good for you" is just wrong. Sure, bullies exist when you're grown up and you have to deal with them, but that doesn't make it good for you. People get heart disease when they're older too, but that doesn't mean that getting heart disease as a kid is "good for you" because you learn to deal with it.

Answer 5

Being in an abusive situation is never a good thing. We homeschool our boys because attending school for them was sooo stressful that one threatened to kill himself [at 8] and my then six year old was vomiting and hyperventilating on the way to school. The older boy has a dx of aspergers but the younger boy doesn't. Now while I know the boys have problems, going to school definitely didn't help. They are much happier now and they are well socialised as they do swimming, gymnastics and trampolining every week. They also have a lot of friends they see on a regular basis.

Answer 6

You are wise beyond your years to discern this. People who are against homeschooling have been brain-washed by a system that wants to control what is being taught to children. Even Hitler knew this when he said (paraphrased - Give me the children till they're 5 and I have them for the rest of their lives). Parents protect their children by filtering the things that can harm them, this is their responsibility not just feeding and clothing, but emotionally, physically, and spiritually caring for their children. Homeschooling is one of the best ways to ensure positive confident people in society. Keep up the good work!

Answer 7

It is interesting that you still receive answers that indicate people think abuse is beneficial in some way even after explaining it.
Same thing with the truth about homeschooling. Despite countless questions and answers, (the top 5 answerers representing, what 600 or so answers?) people still choose to believe a lie.

Why?

i think of this quote:
"By the skillful and sustained use of propaganda, one can make a people see heaven as hell or an extremely wretched life as paradise."

Is that what is happening? Is that why you hear people saying things like " bullying is good for you" or
"at least abusive relationships teach you about the real world"
or "you will never learn how to live if you don't get out and see how bad the world really is"

Is this why people think that homeschooling children in a nuturing, loving, and academically rich environment is bad for them?
Is this why everything is upside down?Are people beginning to believe the lies because they are big enough and they have been repeated enough times?

Oh, who gets the credit for that quote?

Hitler.


Edit to add: I'm troubled by the continued posting of "experience helps you deal with situations" when it comes to discussing abuse and bullying.
Where did this come from?
I do not need the experience of sticking a needle in my arm to teach me how to say no to drugs.
I do not need the experience of lung cancer to teach me how to not smoke.
I do not need the experience of killing someone with my car to teach me how to not drink and drive.
I'll say it again, from where does this come?
I do not think being around bullies and abuse gives you and advantage in dealing with it. On the contrary, I believe it desensitizes you to exactly how wrong it is (case in point would be all the posters that say being around it gives you the experience you need to deal with it)
I know for a fact, meaning from experience, that my children are much more sensitive to how wrong bullying and abuse is because they are NOT around it on a daily basis.
If someone acts that way around them, it is equivalent to a tornado siren going off in our front yard. It is so unusual to them that they will not tolerate even a nano-speck of it in their lives.
think about it. If you are in a non smoking restaraunt, enjoying a meal, and someone lights up a cigarette, aren't you going to notice it immediately, because it is such an unusual smell for that environment?
But what if you were in a bar and, say, twenty people were smoking.
Would you notice, or care, if number 21 lights up?
This whole attitude that you need to "experience" things in order to know how to deal with them is absurd.

Answer 8

You are absolutely right.
That's the primary reason my kids are HSd, after which is the reason that the schools here in New Mexico are awful.
I do not hold with the idea that staying in school helps you deal with bullying. It leads to self-esteem reduction, depression and sometimes violence for the kids involved.
Educators and parents have taken the teeth out of laws allowing bullies to be punished, and now we are painted into a corner.
Good luck

Answer 9

The two previous answerers have obviously never been homeschooled. Enough said there.
People just don't want to admit that homeschooling can be a positive experience, so they try to find anything "negative" about it. They have no grounds to say that homeschooling is negative. They are willing to do anything to give homeschooling a bad light (well, some people, not everyone).

Answer 10

What is the frustration about homeschooling, have someone hurt you in some way? You are talking about abuse and it is not in consistent with homeschooling in any way. Abuse is in not way right but experience will help in any situation. A person being bullie in public school have protection rights and in homeschooling this is not necessary cause this should not be a problem. Surely one should not stop the ideal of public school because of fear of being bullied.