Should I forgive and forget?

Question

When I told my mom I was pregnant she told me to have an abortion. One I do not believe in abortions, two I'm married, have a house, steady income and three we want our child. She did not speak to me for 3 weeks. What she said hurt my feelings but I let it go and forgave her. Last night she called me and was angry I had talked to my father. She said it was like a slap in her face, ( they are divorced) that Im disrespectful and she wishes I was never born. Not only that she proceeded to say I will be a horriable mother and should reconcider abortion. I of course will never abort my baby, I already love him but her comments hurt my feelings. My mother has always been a person who says horriable things and never thinks shes in the wrong. I just do not know how much longer I can take her hurtful comments. They really make me depressed. Should I yet again forgive her comments or say enough is enough? Im so confused. Thanks for any advice.

Answer 1

People on here have pretty much already said it all... so I will ask you this... Is it possible that she is mentally ill in some way? She sounds like she has more issues then just baby! She wishes you were never born? Thats horrible! Maybe you should look into getting her some help.
Take it easy, I know she is your mom but that isn't right to do to you! Why on earth would she push for abortion? I don't think is right for a mom to push for that anyway if the daughter doesn't want to ...but You are married!
Hun find your mom some help and maybe some way that you can talk it out with her... if nothing works you are gonna have to push her away a little until you have this child.... once she sees the baby she may change her mind and be better... either way the stress isn't good for you right now... relax.
Good luck with everything and congrats on baby!

Answer 2

You should really tell your mom how you feel. When we forgive and forget too much we end up putting up walls between us and that person and when they're built up enough our relationship crumbles. You're mom may not change but you will be at peace knowing you did everything you could. If she doesn't change than you need to just put up boundaries and let her know that you won't take that kind of attitude and behavior to be around your family or your new child. It's your life and your decisions on what you do and she should respect you enough as a person to let you make those for yourself. But you really do need to say something to her. Stick up for yourself you don't deserve that. Good luck and I hope it gets better before the baby is born for your sake

Answer 3

Well my point of view on this is Christian which means God asks us to forgive. He does not necessarily ask you to forget. You don't need to keep getting hurt over and over by the same person. Even if it is your Mother. I think you should try to set some ground rules and not let her treat you this way. Easier said than done. Let her know if she wants to be a part of your life she has to treat you and your family with respect and you will not tolerate this anymore. I had to stand up to my Mother when I was 25. It was the hardest thing I ever did. You do not deserve this abuse. Especially now when you are trying to stay healthy to have your child. It may come down to not talking to or seeing your Mom for awhile. But, for your health and that of your child that may be for the best. I pray God will open her heart to your words and feelings.

Answer 4

There are few realities in life that we can't change but we do have a right to move on . You cannot change the fact she's your mother - you sound very sensible and responsible person so if you and your husband are excited about the "joy of life " and are ready to accept the " bundle of joy" i don;t see any reason to get upset on your crazy mom . she's your mom and you are the mother of this new baby coming into your life . Enjoy the baby and accept your mom the way she is .NO need to change your decision . Prove her wrong in a positive way by being a great mother!
Best wishes.

Answer 5

Sounds like your mother is very childish. I would stop listening to her. Let her know that you are a grown woman and you are not going to take it anymore, you don't need this stress in your life and if she want s to be part of it and her grandchilds she had better start treating you with respect.

Just beacuse she was a bad mother doesn't mean you are going to be , Learn from her mistakes. Good luck with the new baby !

Answer 6

let me start for saying CONGRATULATIONS on your baby!!!!

i don't know you, but i'm really happy for you and your hubbie. trust me, you will be so happy when you have your baby, he/she will change your lives for ever. when i got pregnant with my son which was almost 15 years ago. i was still married. my ex would call my mother to complain about me and you know what she would say (among other things, that he should beat me so i could loose the baby, she said that will teach me to shut up) i forgave her crap. after i divorced i moved to the state where my family lived in, and one of the things i still remember is she telling me one night that i was leaving in the car, that she should have aborted me, and that she wishes i got into an accident and died. mind you my son was with me.

any way...i say that to say this...you already know that only negative things will come from her. so there are no surprises. you cant change her. and trust me, she doesn't want to be changed. my having my son didn't change my mother. it may not change her.

you can only control what you do. this is a time that you want to remember and cherish. don't stain it with her. if your dad was happy for you, then that is what you need. if she has a problem with it, then she needs to get back into her time capsule and undo having you. if she can't then she either gets on board, or she can stay out.

all you need is what you have. a loving husband, who is as excited as you are. if you have the love and support of his family then lean on them. you are not obligated to accept your mothers abuse. she could do that when you were a kid because you had no choice, but now you do. if she calls let her know that in no way will you allow or accept any insult or negative words from her. if she is not happy for you, she is entitled to feel that way, just keep it to her self. set up rules. if she starts crapping. tell her 'if you continue i will have to hang up' if she doesn't stop, hang up. don't apologize for it. she is calling your home to disturb your peace.

if she calls back again, ranting hang up. eventually one out of two things will happen. she will get the point and behave, or she will stop calling all together.

any amount of stress can make your pregnancy a pain, you control what comes into your home.

by the way, you don't have to answer the phone either.

it's her loss if she doesn't want to be there. plus, if this is how she is going to be, do you really want your baby to be abused by your mother and her evil self?

i'm positive you will be the best mommy your baby will ever have (that is what my son says to me)

take care, and enjoy the ride, it gets even better when the little pumpkin comes home with you.

Answer 7

Forgiveness is well bit I simply forgive and in poor health under no circumstances act the identical round them my mother used to hit ne while I used to be three and I do not believe her I do some thing at the back of her again so I simply forgive however I additionally put out of your mind!

Answer 8

what she's been saying to you is horrible, however, she's your mother. Talk to her. Tell her how her comments make you feel. I think she might just be feeling as if you'll devote less time to her once your baby is born. Don't cut her out of your life cause you only get one mother in life. ~As to your father---tell your mom that just because you choose to have a relationship with your father does not mean you love her any less. He's your father and you have every right to have a relationship with him.

Answer 9

No offense, but your mom sounds like a b**ch. If I were in your position, I'd give her one last chance, something to the effect that if she does not stop this sh*t now, you will never speak to her again and neither will your husband or your kid(s). I don't care if she is your mother, she does not have the right to be a b**ch like that. You do not owe her anything just because she gave birth to you, she sounds like a real piece of work. You sound like you are a nice person in spite of that, so why should you put up with it? Just my opinion, I don't mean to be calling your mom a name, I just wanted to get my point across strongly. Hope you understand my intention and best of luck in this situation.

Answer 10

sometimes a mother and her child don't always see eye to eye. i know that she's you mother so the likely thing for you to do is to forgive her, but she ought to know that enough is enough, her comments have hurt you and even though you have forgiven her you will not forget how much she hurt you with her snide remarks. put in the final word that nothing she can say will have you abort your baby. good luck and i would definately choose to keep my baby too.