What do you think betrayal or not??

Question

My little brother stole my boyfriends car and when i returned back from out of town the car was missing and I had no idea where it was. So I reported it stolen. We find out the car was impounded saturday night. so I finally get the car back and a week later after everything my brother said he is the one that took the car. Now my brother keeps acting the same exact way as he did before as if he could careless what everyone had to go through behind what he did...he did tell admit to my boyfirend he was the one that took,,,,but to me it came off in a disrespectful way...my dad says it wasn't that disrespectful it was more fear on my brother's part. Now I am tired if my brother acting like he could careless and I want to prosocute...but my mom says that that would not be right since he is my brother and she feels like I would be betraying him.... Do you feel like if i did press charges on him it would be betryaing him anyway...my mom feels like family should stick with you all the time..

in keeping true to her word my mom also paid back my boyfriend for all the out of pocket expense to him due to what my brother did..she feels my bf is family too....however my brother is not having to pay her back for everything she has put out of pocket due to what he has sone...he has no job...and runs around with his friends all day long...my mom likes but i don't...my mom says what you get is what you earn....like he will get his for what he did...without me pressing charges on him...but I feel he did this and he should have to have some kind on punishment... she feels that punishment will come soon enough and you never ever call the cops on family...because it becomes more of a hassle then a help...I think it would be a early lesson learned for him...to know he can't go around doing stuff liek that and get away with it

Answer 1

Wow! That's a crazy story!

If your mom is paying for it, then your bro will not learn his lesson. He should have to pay her back in some way (even if it is by doing chores). He has to learn a lesson or he'll never learn. As far as prosecution, it may be too far, but that should be up to your boyfriend. Good luck!

Answer 2

For starters you can't press charges cuz it's not your car. The only one that can is the person who owns the car. I'd say you need to kick his a--, but he also needs to be taught a lesson for not respecting others peoples property. I do agree how ever that you should not press charges at this point but if he did it again, hell yea, I wouldn't think twice, but he should be told that this will be the only time you won't. For stealing someones elses property even if it is your bfs, it's not right. Your parents also need a kick in the a-- for defending him, they need to punish him and good, what would they have done if it had been their car, or better yet what if he had been drunk and killed someone else with their car ??????? Hello, your parents also need to stand up for what is right as well. Family is Family but not when it's exceeded to this point. I don't blame how you feel, but if this is not the first time, then I would see if you could have him thrown in jail for a day or two, if it will be his first time in jail, but with no hard charges against him. He and your parents need to grow up. If I had done that I would be under 6 ft. if you know what I mean. But remember if you throw him in jail you will probably lose your family as well, at least for a few years. But he does need to be taught a lesson and a good one. I certainally wouldn't trust him again until he could prove himself several times over. I just have one question. How old is he ? Then it might be a little different. As far as for now I would steal something or things that he really cares about then let him see how it might feel a tiny bit to what he has you feel like doing. Keep it for a month, then say some concerning parent found out it was his and returned it to you. Remember what goes around comes around but this time, he deserves it totally. Let him feel what it is like to lose something that he had to either work for,spend the money on from his money or just really cared about the item. I would keep it from him for at least two weeks. If it is involving something of a good value then I would talk to the officer who knew about what he did, so he can advise you from there.But I'm sure he would most likely go along with it, just to teach him a lesson or two. Just because he told the truth, was it cuz he got caught red handed with it as well ?????????????????

Answer 3

Not knowing the age of the little brother, I would take into consideration he admitted to taking the car.

He did well to tell the truth. You stated the admission was "in a disrespectful way." The matter may have been uncomfortable to your little brother. At least grant him mercy for saying anything at all.

It's your boyfriend's car. Does he want to prosecute your little brother? If not, then why would you punish him for telling the truth?

I do not uphold a family member when they are wrong, but I say what is on my mind, forgive, and continue to love them.

To prosecute your little brother because you think he is "acting like he could care less," sounds like spite---not like you want him learn how to respect the property of others.

He betrayed trust, no doubt. If you prosecute your little brother; and then, the car is not even yours, I believe he will feel betrayed, especially if your boyfriend is not pushing the issue.

Answer 4

This is tough. I had a 13 year old stepson who everyone kept letting off the hook. We could not get the people he stole from to press charges. It seemed like the only way to get help. It was finally out of our hands when he ran away and ended up arrested and did a plea deal for a felony theft charge at 15. He got 12 months for that. I wish someone had realized how important it was for him to have consequences. I see your Moms point but, I think you have to decide if this will really be a wake up call for him or just alienate you from your family. Good Luck.

Answer 5

Tough one. If your parents don't want you to press charges then don't. Family should stick together, but he needs to learn a lesson. What if you press charges and your relationship is ruined with your brother forever. Is it worth it? Are you prepared for that? What does your boyfriend want to do? It was his car. Your brother is obviously off to a not so great start. Do what you think is best for him. Someone needs to scare the crap out of him before he causes some real damage.

Answer 6

Oh, my heart goes out to you..
You are not the one responsible for any of the problems your brother created. Any parent who pays for a child's irresponsible behavior is only allowing for it to continue. The child learns truly nothing more than they can be rescued and dependent on future such ventures by the parent.. Lots of practice in this area in life matters , others and family. Especially if the parents are not going to make the child pay it back.. It then becomes the parents bigger mistake paid not the child's mistake or crime paid..No matter their age. I go for filing charges. If my own mother had done so years ago, perhaps then early on my brother would not of thought he could continue his behaviors, (since he didn't have any responsibility of placed on him in any manner. He eventually ended up paying for his choices in life in prison... she bailed him out of one situation after another.. till the big one.. It took it to turn him around .. but, a lot of people were hurt, including him up until then.
Someone very wise once asked me in a similar situation..
If a stranger came into your life doing the same thing your brother did , would you allow it to happen and have them take no responsibility for?.. My reply was 'NO' .. then, he asked.. Why then would you not him...? Made me think...
Then he asked , if one should not be able to trust first and foremost in family not to harm another.. I said "yes".. well, then was that his belief also, he asked.. i said obviously not.
Money paid to "fix" the problem doesn't always make it taken care of.. it too can serve to make it down the road bigger..

Somewhere you learned the value of good choices, and responsibility.. One can not force right choices on others, but, we sometimes have too to make choices that are for the betterment of all. ( Juries do every time they have to pass judgment on someone who has broken the law).. Even when it isn't easy..
go with your heart ..I know it is difficult and others may not agree or like what you do. If you feel it is right, not out of any vengeance but love that is important too
I believe too in praying over to seek an answer..
If your mom can't understand , that's too bad.. and very sad..
I raised 5 natural children, had foster children as well and have 5 stepchildren also..
We make mistakes all of us, but, some can endanger lives, property and break trusts that never can be regained...
they aren't just mistakes.. then they are crimes..
A rule i use , if it breaks a law.. report it..
If it breaks Gods law, repent.. that means first freely admit doing, not sorrow , because got caught... change of life style and show by doing not talk, make full restitution for what did./ took, etc.. (somethings one can't replace as in a rape case / or murder) then , turn yourself or them in...but where able do restitution.
Trust is a fragile thing.. once broken it is not the offender who makes the line crossed renewed.. but those offended.. in their time..
good luck to you , what ever your choice.. my prayers are with you...

Answer 7

i called the cops on my brother for stealing my moms car and my family wasnt on my side but i didnt care he cant always get his way im a firm believer that if you commit a crime you go to jail. bailing them out and letting them slide only makes them think they can get away with more. since i have stood up and made him answer for the things he has done he has stopped commiting crimes and acting out so much. before i stood up he was always doing drugs, stealing, and being disrespectful. so when i called i told him "i love you but you cant act this way" and now hes alot better so no i dont think you are betraying him or anyone else. ppl need to take more responsibilities for thier actions

Answer 8

I'd have a hard time pressing charges myself, but the guy does need a smack on the side of the head. Sit down and ask him what's going on - has he had issues in the past? Something's going on, maybe he just want attention - whatever it is, give hime a chance,

Answer 9

Family should stand behind one another, yes. BUT, please read this. I thnk you should prosecute. You are doing him no favors if you let him continue to think that he can do whatever he wants to without consequences. Your family should stick by you during this time. It is not saying you don't love your brother, but you would be showing him tough love, and somethimes that is what people need. Good luck with your family and whatever decision you make!

Answer 10

oooh I have one of those brothers.. except he broke into my house and robbed me blind - I called the cops and my dad started the whole Im disappointed in you crap. I pressed charges and the family was upset, then it came to light that i wasnt the only family member he did this to eventually they got over it.