use some advice. long story, but basically i have a friend who has been annoying me for about the past 6 months or so. she is 10 years older than me, and kind of treats me like a child. she always wants to get together(we're both married) but i am comfortable doing my own thing, chillin' at home with the hubby, etc. i don't have a need to do somethinig all the time. i'm also not the kind of person that plans my whole weekend out. i end up doing whatever plays out. she will ask me on monday to do something saturday, but i just can't make that kind of committment that far in advance for something not so important. i end up saying maybe, but then i just want to relax, and she gets mad and tells me she's "disappointed" in me.
it shouldn't be this hard to be friends with someone, but she intimidates me so it's very hard to be honest with her, and when i am, she blows it out of proportion and gets very defensive.
2007-03-25 15:11:31 · 11 answers · asked by I'm so crafty, I make people 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
also one day when i told her i might be around, she called my house twice in 2 hours: once, to say hey where are you? and the second time to say, :ok, i realize i'm being a bit stalkerish, but you said you were going to be around tonight. a little weird for a 30-something, don't you think?
she's also pregnant and thinks i should be around to "share in this very important time in her life." i'm sorry, she's not the first woman to be pregnant! am i being a b*tch, or is she being crazy? (she was this weird b4, so its not the hormones!)
2007-03-25 15:25:01 · update #1
She is not really your friend, she clearly patronizes you, and she wants you to accompany her at her convenience. You have two solutions: next time when she calls you you need to tell her that this friendship is not really working for you and you need a break from it. That would require some guts if she intimidates you.
The easier way is to tell that you have other plans (spending time with hubby is a perfectly valid plan) time and again. If she yells at you hang up. She should get the message. Get a spine Honey or bullies will make your life miserable. I have a friend like you who can't say no, who is manipulated into feeling guilty by someone like your friend and then she complains to me about it. And that's what I say to her: get a spine or stop complaining. People treat you the way you let them.
2007-03-25 15:39:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Once she has her baby she won't have as much time on her hands so I would just let it go for now. When she asks you to do something during the weekend just tell her that you don't like to make plans too far in advance because things change and your hubby sometimes suprises you at the last minute with plans of his own.
2007-03-25 17:47:04 · answer #2 · answered by Ryan's mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her nicely that you prefer not to make plans ahead of time and that you enjoy the time you have with your hubby ,But say there is no reason you cannot get together every few months or so.If she takes it bad then that is her problem,don't let her intimidate you,you do what you want to do.A person that makes you feel bad and says your a disappointment is no real friend
you go girl!
2007-03-25 15:17:47 · answer #3 · answered by tuppenybitz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like you may be growing apart,
the people you grow up with,is usually not the same person as she/he would be at a younger age.
If she can't understand and respect you for you,break it down to her in a nice way.
You may wanna have a life outside of your marrige,keep your hobbies and girlfriends,but if you don't have the same interests,you can't do nothing about it.
Friendship involves: trust,respect,support and understanding,
and if she can't provide that,move around!
There is no need to break up in a "mean way" though.
I really don't know,you have to decide and follow your own "gutfeeling"!
Good Luck!
2007-03-25 15:20:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it's hard, but be firm with her. Tell her that you just don't want to deal with drama. Explain that you have your own lifestyle that you like, and don't want to change. Tell her if she can accept you as you are you will continue to be her friend, but if she can't, then you are going to end the relationship. I've had to deal with a sister who treats me kind of like you are describing, and I finally told her to take me as I am or leave me. It worked. She isn't pressuring me to be what she wants me to be anymore. I hope it works for you.
2007-03-25 15:19:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She doesn't sound like a 'friend', she sounds like an emotional vampire. Tell her you need to spend time with your husband and family, then avoid her and don't return her calls. If that doesn't work and she confronts you, tell her to back off. You don't have time to help her live her life. She's controlling and life is too short to deal with the likes of her.
2007-03-25 15:18:12 · answer #6 · answered by Sara 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trying being honest again, and when she blows her top, just tell her that's not how you wish to be treated. If she continues, then tell her that it's better if you two don't hang out for a while.
2007-03-25 15:15:22 · answer #7 · answered by justdennis 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ignore until she is phased out of your life, if she asks you to do something tell your you already have a previous engagement, but dont specify, and dont explain yourself to her. You are a grown woman and you dont need to explain yourself to anyone
2007-03-25 15:16:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
why dont you just ignore her phone calls, emails, say your busy, after a year she will get the hint an dgo away.
2007-03-25 17:09:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would let it die out slow. stop answering her calls sometimes and let it go slowly. she'll get the message and you won't have to let her down so hard.
2007-03-25 15:14:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋