my mother really hurt my feelings do you think she is right and i am wrong?

Question

i have two other sisters,

we are all in our late 20's. i live in fl my mother and my sisters live in ny. i am the only one who gives my mother money and take care of her and pay her health insurace. if it wasnt for me she would have been dead with her cancer. i call her every day but i am not in ny i am in fl but i take care of her and call everyday. she tells me she is closer to my sisters than me do you think that she has the right to be closer to them than me or do you think that its normal to be or do you think its doesnt matter she should be close to all of us the same

Answer 1

It really shouldnt matter - you are all family and even though you are in another state, you should all try and be as close as you can. I know its hard, but you have to endure it. If you feel like you are just being taken for a ride with your mom, I would talk with your other sisters and ask them if they could start to help out and give your mom money, help with the insurance deal and what not.

Answer 2

Of course parents sometimes feel closer to certain grown up children than others - you all have different personalities. It's not about location or how much you spend or what you do its about you as a person.

I would say that, although my sister lives close to my mum, sees her every week and has the grandkids that I am still emotionally closer to my mum than she is - because me and my mum are similar people, have a similar sense of humour and look at life a similar way. Mum says she loves us the same amount but she doesn't like us the same amount.

You are eing a great daughter and I'm sure your mum really appreciates all that you do for her. Don't spoil the time you have left together worrying that she has more in common with your sisters than you - that's just the way it is - doesn't mean she doesn't love you.

Answer 3

I think that she is just saying that to make you feel jealous and move to NY. As mean as that may sound she probably feels close to you all, but is trying to get you to be by her since she has had or has cancer and you are the only one that is helping her out and taking care of her. Actually you may feel hurt but that kindof sounds like what she was trying to do. We all get into our jealousy states once in a while ya know? She is probably also feeling lonely even though you call her it's not the same as if you were there with her!! Maybe take some time to make a trip to see her, that might make her feel some what better. Good Luck and God Bless you and your family!

Answer 4

I understand how your feel - I am youngest of 8 and mum never has anythign positive to say about me or to me - Oh you've put on weight - or I don't like your hair. Or on visiting me after the birth of my daughter (3 hrs after) You need to do something about your big belly, I never had that problem and I have had 8 of you!!! YES I SOMETIME FEELL LIKE KNOCKING HEAD HEAD OFF, but have realised (at 37) she really doesn't mean to be so awful - but she thinks at her age and what she has been thru in her life that she can say or do what she pleases and that includes not putting brain into gear - before putting mouth into action.
Keep doing what you have always done - be there when you can - provide where and when you can - because if and when the day comes that she is not there - you will know in your heart that you did your very best and that you loved her - warts and all. Giving you peace of mind, that your were a very loving forgiving daughter.
I sometimes think my mother does it to make me want to achieve more to make her proud - some people are just like that - so live and let live.

Answer 5

No, you're not wrong to feel hurt by what your mother said. She's the one in the wrong for saying it in the first place. She sounds like my grandmother, who's always saying nasty things to my mum even though she (my mum) runs herself into the ground doing everything for her. Maybe that's the problem here: maybe you've done too much for your mother over the years and she's become spoiled (yes, kids can spoil their parents). I'm not, by any means, belittling the fact that she's had cancer as that's one of the worst things you can go through but no parent has the right to say things like that to their children, especially ones who do as much for them as you do for your mother. You need to tell her how much her comments hurt you and also start making your sisters take some of the slack. If you carry on the way you are, you'll get sick yourself.

Answer 6

Distance probably plays a role in this and your mother's statement that she is closer to your other sisters. Could it be because she lives in the same town as them and she sees more of the other two.
love can not be measured by what materialistic things you offer but by the love and support you give.
It sounds like you are supporting your mother very well.
Your Mother has the right to be closer to whom she chooses I'm afraid.
I personally don't agree with favouritism but it does happen.

Answer 7

It is a heartbreaking fact of life, that many mothers favor one child over the others. I don't agree with this. I love all my children the same, they all have different personalities, likes, and even sometimes make mistakes. But they all are unique in many different ways, and make up for their imperfections, when they do many nice things for their father and I. So I do not think it would be loving to favor one over the other. No one can please their parents fully, believe me , My mother is hard to please at times. When we show favoritism, this makes the favored child think they are better than the rest, which also causes disunity.
I think you are doing alot for your mother, and she should be happy with that. Many kids grow up, and forget about their parents, at least you still do take care of her. Don't give up, even though she is closer to the other two. She's just closer because they live near by. In actuality children are supposed to leave the nest, and start their own lives, with their own family's. This is a part of life since early bible times. Yes we will miss our kids, but we should not be resentful if they move away from us.
Talk to your mother, and try to give her understanding as well. You may just think that she feels this way, but maybe she doesn't. If she does feel like what you brought out, then just continue to do your part for her, and don't forget this. Even if others don't think twice about what we do for them, God will never forget what we do for others, and for him.

Answer 8

Of course she should be close to all of you.
Has she always been this way or could it be due to her illness?
Maybe she says this because of the distance betwwen where you live.
You are a good daughter for calling her each day and paying for her health insurance.You will never regret doing that for her. Don't hold that against her.Enjoy her while you can.
Try not to take it out on your sisters either.They have nothing to do with what she says.Stay together as a family.You'll need each other.

Answer 9

Dear Heather,

I am looking from the outside in and what i see here is a very sick mother and you are all trying mentaly to deal with this situation by yourself.Firstly pop down to your locaL surgery and find out what help you can receive,dealing with this is extreamly stressful.Next you need to call a meeting with your sisiters and work out a routine at least,but i am sure that you should be entitited to a relief worker to help you out.I have no idea why your mum has said she is closer to your sisters as a pose to you..she will be hurting herself and feels guitly that you are looking after her so often..maybe..but do not take this personaly..i am more concerned that you all seem to be coping with this yourselfs.Where is your father,can family not help?
let me know how you get on,and i hope i have been useful .

Janine.

Answer 10

Dont worry about who is right or who is wrong,Your mother has 3 children who she loves equally,She may feel closer to your sisters as they live in NY with her,bet thats the only reason........she didn't say she loves them anymore than you.

The important thing is your mother knows who the one is doing everything and that is you,She will always remember this,So you have nothing to feel hurt about.
You should feel proud of yourself for what you do,a lot of other people would leave it to their sisters as they live closer.
Bet deep down your mum is well proud of you!!