Do you have a pushy mother-in-law?

Question

I do. After reapeatedly telling her that my husband and I don't want to get our 11 month old daughter's ears pierced for fear that she'll pull the earrings and cause an infection, she still tells the baby every so often "We need to get your ears pierced to make you look pretty", and I think to myself: "Excuse me... she's pretty already!" (¬.¬)
And she's always saying stuff like "She doesn't hold her bottle yet?", "She should be walking by now", "How come you don't feed her this or that?", etc....
I drives me insane!!
Is there NO end to this? What do I have to look forward to?.....

IN FACT: she took my nice to get her ears pierced!!! Her other grandma was SO MAD! She said it should have been the little girl's decition (which is what I believe)
I hope she won't do this TO ME! (I don't know what I'd do, but "it won't be pretty!")

Answer 1

You don't know how happy I am to see this question on here! Not because I like the fact that you're all going through this, obviously lol, but because now I know I'm not alone!

I know I need to come out and say something, but that is so not in my nature! I am a very shy and nonconfrontational person, but the last time we were together I came SO close to absolutely losing it. My boyfriend said he has talked to her (we have a 4 year old together), but said she doesn't seem to care. He actually wants me to go off on her because he thinks it will make a difference. I've actually politely told her things myself, and she'll usually give me that "I don't really care about what you're saying" smile and nod, or just say "no no no, you really need this/should do it this way/[insert any unwelcome advice everyone else has posted already]" She even blew me a raspberry when I told her we decided to not get a walker for our then-crawler because recent studies have shown them to be dangerous and not very beneficial. A 50-something blowing a raspberry! And the number of times she blatantly disregarded our requests with a "this is the way we did it" comment.

The only good thing is we moved a little far from her house and don't see her too often, so I don't have to deal with her much. The only advice my own mom had about it was to be grateful for that. I'm either gonna lose it any day now, or I'm hoping my bf's brother would hurry up and have a kid so she can share the "love". Maybe she'll let up on us with another poor woman to torture. lol (I know that sounds bad, but I promise I'm not evil!)

As far as the ear-piercing thing, that is a major decision that she has no right to make. If she ever did it behind your back, you would definitely need to step up. My bf has told me that if we ever had to cut it off with his mom for stepping over the line, we would. Another thing in my situation is, my bf's parents actually cut off communication with his grandparents before because of the way they were treating his mom!

One piece of actual advice: Watch "Everybody Loves Raymond". It cheers me up and keeps me from going insane.

Answer 2

It will get worse. Its not my mother in law that is the pushy bit*ch its my mother.

I just remind my mom what a horible mother she was this usually shuts her up.

My mom was a drunk, and abusive. She showed me and my siblings NO attention and my grandma on my dads side (dads mom) was my mommy for the first 13 years. Once I point this out my mother shuts up.

Trust me put her in her place or its going to get much worse. She sounds like the type to take your daughter and Get the ears pierced behind your back, or just talk **** about you too your child. My mom told my daughter I was a bitc* , When I was in the bathroom, I do not leave my kids alone with her even if im in the potty.

My daughter didnt talk until she was 2. My son talked early. My mom said you better get her tested I think she might be stupid...... I flew mad..... Kids grow at different paces. She will do things when she is ready, not when your mother in law is ready.

Sometimes they dont remember things right. My mom claims she had my brother potty trained at 7 months....... We all know what she is full of. She said he would cry and she would take him and he never had acidents after 8 months..... Rolling my eyes...... whatever !!!!

Answer 3

Hey, sounds just like my mother-in-law. I've heard the "He doesn't hold the bottle yet?" too. I have three boys that are 9, 6 and 2 and my mother-in-law use to but into EVERYTHING! "Why isn't he walking yet?" "Those clothes don't match!" "Why are you feeding him that?" My husband is her only child, her perfect pride and joy, so i guess naturally she wanted her three grandsons to be the same way. I told my husband several times about how i felt about his mother and her comments about our kids. He really didn't say anything to her about it. So one day I did =]...
It was a month after i had my third son. His name is Connor James. We went to see my mother-in-law and she bought my son a personalized blanket but spelled his name Conner instead. I had spoke to her about my son's name several times. I wanted with an O-R and she kept pushing for E-R. Why, i don't know.
Anyway, I saw the blanket and wanted to flip, but instead I told her it was wrong very nicely. Her answer was "O-R? Why did you spell it O-R? It shoudl be spelled E-R!" My answer was "I dont care how the hell you think it should be spelled. He's MY SON and i spelled HIS name the way I WANTED TO SPELL IT!" Since then, she's never made a comment about me parenting my boys.
You have to say something. It it was like lifting a 1000 pound weight off my chest that had be sitting their for 7 years once i did. Not saying anything makes her think she can control you and she will continue this behavior. Talk to your husband. If he doesn't want to say something, make him aware that you will. She's your child. You raise her the way you want to and she'll turn out just fine. Good luck and god bless ya, sounds like you need it ;)

If you need a good visual of what can happen, i suggest watching monster-in-law. Very cute movie

Answer 4

omg that is dreadful! she sounds like a nightmare! id just tell her your daughter doesnt need holes in her ears to make her look pretty! how on earth do you not say anything to her! my ex's mother was the same! was awful!
mother in law seems to forget all children develop at different rates...thats normal. and you dont feed her this or that cas shes your child and you feed her what you feel is right for her.
maybe ask your husband to have a word with her - i would before the straw that breaks the camels back comes along.
good luck x

Answer 5

I dealt with a pain in the butt mother-in-law for a VERY long time. She was constantly giving me unwanted advice, putting my down, and judging my parenting. My husband and I finally decided that it was time for a cut-off due to some horrible things that she said about me to another family member. We didn't see his family for over a year, and let me tell you - it did the trick! We started talking again in December, and things are going really well. I've learned to speak up when she does something that bothers me. She knows what behavior is acceptable, and what is absolutely not. So far so good! If things get really bad with your mother-in-law, I definitely recommend setting some boundaries. Maybe you won't have to go as far as a full blown cut-off, but maybe you can limit visits for a while and try to gain back your sanity!!!! I wish you luck! I know exactly how this feels!

Answer 6

well first of all i know what you are going through but the first couple years can be hard on a mother but you are right she should back off u had your daughter so you should raise her. but look forward because you get to do it when your daughter is married

Answer 7

Oh, it will just get worse! Your husband needs to remind his mother that the 11-month old is just perfect the way she is.

Answer 8

Just remember not to act like this when your daughter (or daughter-n-law) has children. Her mil was probably just like her, so now she thinks she can "get hers" by being catty to you. This is not the way it works, so make sure the buck stops w/you! Your hub needs to deal w/ this.