My 8 year old has started shaving her legs.?

Question

My daughter spends half of her nights with her mother. I was informed tonight that her mother has bought her an electric razor...This is an issue we have discussed before. I do not think her legs need to be shaved (not hairy +are blond hairs). I also have a problem with the age issue. Her mother also said that she ( the mom ) is going to get breast implants this Friday and that her and my daughter have watched "all about the process" on Doc 9021something....I held my tounge. It is none of my business how her mother changes her own body. It is very important though that she is not teaching my girl that these are the things that make a woman beautiful.Backtrack - when the leg thing first came up my daughter said that no one was making fun of them, she just wanted the hair gone.Fastforward - I am concerned that the wrong message is getting planted into my daughter head. Maybe on the leg thing she is trying to mimic what she sees. Advice on building self esteem vs. moms lack of.

Answer 1

Well let's see now...YOU obviously unzipped your pants and dropped your drawers in order to create this child with this woman. NOW you're concerned? As for the shaving of the legs, it's pretty much a moot point now. And if your daughter watched a Doctor 90210 show so what? Have you checked out children's programming lately? Androgenous one eyed tripods, (Lilo and Stitch) programming "laced" with homosexual inuenddos (Sponge Bob Square Pants) and Butter churning rabbits (Brandy and Mr. Whiskers), you can't tell me the Doctor 90210 is any worse. As far as building self esteem...your wife is teaching your daughter that she has the capablitlies and the RIGHT to become whatever she wants to become, nothing wrong there. Besides she would probably be shaving her legs next year as young women are starting puberty at around 9-10 years anyway. Maybe YOU should consentrate on showing your daughter a good male role model since she's going to become interested in boys in the not too distant future and start discussing with her some of the "bad" things boys might do and what she should avoid...rather than putting her mother down.

Answer 2

I shaved my legs for the first time when i was like 7, actually my mom did it for me cuz i begged her. No one was making fun of me, but i did have seriously hairy legs and it was black hair. I just wanted the hair gone. Now that i think back on it, i didnt really have a reason. Just didnt like the way it looked i guess. But yeah her mom may be teaching her in a bad way and she could grow up with little confidence and decide the only way to be happy is thru plastic surgery and other measures. BUT also having a father around will play an important role in the way she turns out. If you are a good example to her, i think it will make all the difference. When a girl grows up without a father, she often looks for male attention other places and will do alot of unhealthy things in the process of finding that male love and attention. So since you can't really change the way her mother is, the best thing you can do is to always be there and be a great example. Which it sounds like you are.. Thats my opinion. Good luck!

Answer 3

Personally I think you should ease off of her for shaving her legs. I wasn't allowed to shave until I had extremely hairy legs and much, much later before I was allowed to even think about make-up.

My point is that you are going to have bigger issues come up down the road. Shaving her legs really isn't a big one. Most girls start shaving between the ages of 8-10. She even told you she just wanted the hair gone. That isn't unreasonable, and it was honest. Remember that as parents we learn to pick our battles. If you fight her on this one, you'll be fighting even harder later on.

Let your daughter know she's beautiful, just the way she is. Tell her that even though mom has decided to change her appearance, that's not what makes a person more attractive or more beautiful. You want to know how to build a child's self-esteem? More than anything, show unconditional love at every turn. No matter what, be there for her. Don't just tell her that you love her, show her. It's the best way a child can grow up and love themselves and others.

Answer 4

Your daughter only wants to shave her legs. If she wanted to wear midriff tops or other skimpy outfits or wear gaudy makeup I would be concerned but what harm comes out of removing leg hair? I'd say it's important to pick your battles. I don't find anything inherently wrong with your daughter watching breast implant surgery on television or hear the grownups talking about it as breasts are something about women's health she will inevitably learn anyway. You are right that it's a problem that her mother may be impressing the wrong ideas of what it means to be a success as a woman as she may think physical beauty is the most important thing for a woman. Just make sure she gets exposure to things to help balance out her world view and show her that she can be successful in many other ways and that looks aren't everything.

Answer 5

I think that 8 is too young, especially since no one is noticing and her hair is blonde. And why would a 8 year old want her hair "gone".

In my opinion, she is starting to be concerned (I think overly at this point and at a young age) about how she looks. Which there is nothing wrong with, but if she starts a trend of not being happy with who she is........could lead to some pretty big self-esteem issues later on. What happens when someone down the line (in school) actually is rude to her about her looks, then she really starts hating herself.

As for you holding your tongue......I would not. Tell the mother each and every time you don't agree with what she is watching on TV. Especially Dr90210!! That is not the type of programming she needs to be forming opinion of women at. Talk to the mother again. If she is not agreeing, then talk to your daughter about this. Explain to her how she is too young, and that she will have time to grow into her body, when her body is ready!! No need pushing it.

Good luck in this! After hearing that mom is letting your daughter watch this, I can see why you divorced her. *lol*

Answer 6

For the mother she has the right to change whatever whe wants on her body, that is her given right. When it comes to your daughter, this is an issue that needs to be discussed by both parents & then the parents should make an agreeable decision on whats best for the child. The daughter needs time to be a child & not rushed into adulthood before she is ready. These decsions should be decided by the daughter when the time comes. Let the daughter come to the parents when she feels its time to start shaving or whatever the case may be. Let her grow up as a child first then let her be an adult when the time comes for that.

Answer 7

Let her do what she wants to do. My sister was ostercized to the point of tears when she was that age for smelly feet. In an ideal world, she'd never have to shave her legs, a gimic of french prostitutes to convince tricks they were younger. Which is why to this day shaving pubic hair is still a little whorish in france. Learn from your mother's mistakes, but most importantly allow your daughter to do what she wants. But make sure she has all the information, why do women shave there legs???

Answer 8

Holy cow... I can understand your concern. I'm not a parent, although I am a step parent of a 7-year old girl. But I'm basing my thoughts on my own growing up.

I think you may just have to focus on praising things like grades and accomplishments, and sure her beauty. Some how also let her know how you feel about superficial beauty and how beautiful a person can be just by being good.

That's tough. I truly wish you the best.

Answer 9

the best thing you can do is talk to both the mom and the daughter. well you kind of confused me, is it your daughter, or is it this other ladies daughter that your referring to as her mother. well about the whole leg thing, talk to your daughter about it, tell her it is not necessary that she shave her legs and basically set your foot down that you will not allow it in your house. yes, i agree eight years old is extremely young for a child to be shaving her legs. and explain the whole breast thing with her mother, explain to her that you dont want her exposed to that at such a young age. she should respect that as a parent.

Answer 10

Shaving at that age can seem fun. You can get a Veet razor (it has no actual razor) and shaving cream and let her feel like she is doing it. My mom used to let me do it with the plastic cover on the razor.

Try this book:
Raising Confident Girls: 100 Tips for Parents and Teachers