make me laugh?

Question

im watching comedy central so i will laugh easy at points so dont be mad if you dont win

Answer 1

After a long night of passion, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.

"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, she replied, "That´s me before the operation."

Answer 2

Joke #1: How to catch a Polar Bear:

This is how you catch a Polar Bear:
Dig a hole, then put some peas around it, and then some ash in it. When the bear comes to eat the peas, kick it in the ash hole!

Joke: #2 A boy wanted to learn the first 5 letters of the alphabet. So, he went to his sister who was on the phone, and he asked her what the first letter of the alphabet is. She was saying to her friend "no way, shut up!" So, the boy memorized that. Then he went to his mom, who was also talking on the phone. He asked what the second letter of the alphabet was. She was saying "aha,aha, aha." So he memorized that too. Then he went to his brother who was watching Batman. He asked his brohter what the third letter of the alphabet was. He sang "nananana, batman!" So the boy memorized that. Then he went to his Grandpa who was grilling hamburgers. The boy asked what the fourth letter of the alphabet was. He said "My buns are burning! My buns are burning!" Then the boy shouted outside the window while a building was falling, "What's the fifth letter of the alphabet?" A lady was shouting "call 911!" The next day at school, the teacher asked him to say the first five letters of the alphabet. He said "no way, shut up!" The teacher said "Do you want to go to the principal's office?" He then said "aha, aha, aha." Once he was at the principal's office, the principal asked him "who do you think you are?" the boy said "nanananana, batman!" The principal spanked him, then the boy said "My buns are burning!" Then the principal said "what's your parents' numbers?" The boy siad "Call 911!"

Those are the funniest jokes I know.

Answer 3

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

''Emma come first. I come. Dennis come and Dennis come again. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more.''

''You foul-mouthed swine,'' retorted the lady indignantly. ''In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public.''

''Hey, coola down lady,'' said the man. ''Imma just tella my friend howa to spella Mississippi.''




Too Smart

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students.

The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36".


And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?" Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal wondered, why would she ask such a question! Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Harry: "Pants"

Ms. Brooks: What's starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?

Harry: "Coconut."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.


Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?" The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer.

Harry: "Bubble gum"


Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

Harry: "Shake hands."

The principal was trembling.


Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck"


The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong!"

Answer 4

A turtle was crossing the road and got flipped over how does he get back up??

To get the answer, take the F out of FUn and the F out of WAY
:)

Answer 5

So why bother....Just watch South Park...very very funny

Answer 6

wanna laugh?
find yourself a mirror